Through Despondent Minds?

Question

The daybreak complains about the dark skies,
The widows tears are just silenced crimes.
The wind howls through the trees,
The absent kid had more to plead.
When someone dies we are all dumb,
With cocaine eyes we are all numb.
Temptation slips right through the cracks,
You stare at your feet but will not collapse.
From the ripple of the pond to the pattern of the ceiling,
I stare at the sky and have no feeling.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I like this a lot.
Best line: With cocaine eyes we are all numb. 
I'll give you some advice an old poet once told me*... Try to refrain from capitalizing the first letter of each line - it can get distracting to the reader.

"Old poet" was a joke. Y'all know that.

Anonymous · Answer

You're a poet too? I actually like this. It's very hard to successfully rhyme without sounding kitschy or cliche or forced. You managed to pull it off. Very nice imagery.

? · Answer

Chuckles at Cilla's use of the term..."old poet". Oh. The poem. I think they are right. This is good, has potential. Look forward to reading more from you!

Anonymous · Answer

That's very original. Dark, moody, creative and soulful. Very nice. You're talented.

Anonymous · Answer

not 2 bed, but with more imaganiation and funky ideas inside will be a plus.

Kyoko · Answer

这诗写得好棒喔!!! =D

Well, my favorite sentences are:
When someone dies we are all dumb,
With cocaine eyes we are all numb.

Fits what I'm feeling now xD
Thumbs up for the poem. =]

Anonymous · Answer

That's deep.

Joe K · Answer

me says you have talent.. this is interesting poem, me likes it alot.

Sofa-King-Awesum · Answer

lol i use to talk to you years ago, hi sam.

Vimalan · Answer

very nice poem.............

read my poems in my 360:

http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-Br4Cb_s8bqVPwwT3zxi4DEXeWw--?cq=1

i hope this link works

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Through Despondent Minds?

14 Answers