Is he still seeing her?

Question

My boyfriend of three years cheated on me a few months ago. (I'm 22, he is 28) We are attempting to try to repair the damage done and to see if we can still have a relationship. Sense then, in efforts to make amends, he has given men hundreds of dollars to help pay for my bills from all of his paychecks (as I have just graduated university), is continuously buying me gifts, is more affectionate and loving than ever, doesn't have a problem talking with me when I want to talk about what he did, my feelings, allows me to look through his phone, wallet, house, and email (something I never did because I respected his privacy), and much more. Out of my paranoia, I search through various sites he and she are on to see if anything suspicious might be going on (a trait which I never had in the past. I was very trusting.) On one of his gaming sites, I see that he has become friends with a girl that has the same name as her (there is no picture) and they have been friends for one week. Instantly, I call him and ask him what's going on and he said when people add him as a friend on that site, he doesn't pay much attention to who it is. He said that if he's making such an effort to keep me, why would he blow it all now? What should I believe?

Update:

I understand that a relationship needs trust but it takes time to build that trust, I just can't give it back instantly. But I agree that searching though his things only makes my paranoia worse, which is something I need to work on.

Lilmama · Answer

A relationship can not thrive if there is no trust.  If you do not trust him and you have to go through all of his personal things to see what he is up to then you do not need to be with him.  If you have to come online and ask strangers, who know nothing about you and your boyfriend what you should do then you already know the answer.  Why are you still with him if you do not trust him?  Is it because he gives you money and things.  You should hold yourself higher than that and you deserve to be with someone who will not try to buy you, who will respect you and will not cheat on you.

Anonymous · Answer

a relationship is nothing without trust. If you are always looking for something to prove that he is cheating again then it is time to move on.Once trust is broken there isn't a way back unless you are willing to take the chance that we won't do it again. Keep in mind once a cheater always a cheater...

Michael · Answer

Be very careful ... the last thing you want to do is to destroy your trust with him, but on the flip side you need to be mindful of things/actions that are different about his behavior.  

I caught my wife cheating on me.  I pieced it together by writing down things I thought were strange that she was doing, documenting the date/time, etc.  She was leaving the house for "errands" on the weekends while she saddled me with projects at home to keep me busy.  It use to be we would go out together on the weekends to do whatever, but that slowly changed.  She wanted to go out with her friends and didn't want me to come along.  All signs ... look for the signs, document them.  You may be paranoid ... but if you're not, having a log to refer back to with dates/times and actions/description will help you in the future.  Good luck to you ... and I truely hope you're just paranoid.  The pain of an unfaithful partner is horrible.

hunny · Answer

Stop being bought ... you are worth more than money, right?  Move on to a guy that you can trust as it sounds like this event(s) has changed you and the relationship forever.

Reprobate · Answer

I think that the cheating is ancillary to the real issue.  There is some issue in the relationship that is inspiring him to stray.  Find out what that is, correct it (or accept that he's going to stray on occasion--is it really so bad if he still loves you?), or end the relationship.

Best of luck!

MILDRED SENT ME HERE TO HELP YOU

Jerry E1 · Answer

let him cheat and keep taking his money.

Is he still seeing her?

6 Answers