is my husband going to leave me?

I am emotionally and sometimes physically drained. 10 years ago when we met we were very independant people. We both had jobs, lives, friends, money, and freedom. I was ready to give up my freedom to share a life with you. And am still not wanting to be a "free man".

I don't want another woman in my life, i don't want to start another relationship, and I have never cheated nor am I cheating now. ( for all of those who think that I am some kind of pig and can explain everything away with infidelity). When I want time to myself or with you on a friday night it is because it is finally the end of a long week and I need to cut loose. Not because I am a drunk and have to drink to have a good time (althought sometimes it helps). You have always been more than welcome to meet up with me at any time, (calling first or not) because I don't have anything to hide. The fri. nights have become more important to me lately because of all the stress in our relationship and I can't seem to talk to you about it and make you understand how I am feeling without you thinking I am attacking you. The people that I surround myself with are realitivly successful in different aspects of their lives, one of which has been married for 23 years and has went through the very same things that we are experiencing.

The two out of town incidents that you speak of (this is so everyone gets boths sides of the story) went like this. Yes I stopped after work in the middle of the week to chat it up with some friends but was home by 9 PM. I thought a 15 yr. old could be unsupervised after school for a few hours. ( no different than when we go out and leave her at home alone any other time) My bad I guess? The house party that you speak of was not a planned event. It was the kids and myself sitting at home on a friday night (cause I'm irresponsible in this situation) and then getting a call from another family of friends whom happens to have kids the same age as ours that wanted to get together and do something. so they came over and we all played Rock Band with the kids. later on in the evening another friend of mine called and came over as well.

I don't believe that what I did was irresponsible and I don't feel that I needed to get permission as an adult from another adult to do what I did. Not to mention you don't like to have parties at the house because you are ashamed of what people might think of it. That is why we never have parties, remember?

So I GET that your tired of the same old song and dance with the going out but I do need some space for myself (and it only became for myself when you stopped comming out too). But I am not ready to give up my social life completely yet. I have a good time when I go out and I have and good time with you when we go out, it makes no difference.

So anyway, back to the point. The dynamics of our relationship have changed alot. You are no longer the independant person i remember. It feels like you need me to do everything for you. You quit your job because you can't deal with people anymore, you constantly spend money that we don't have (which creates alot of financial stress for me). You volunteer me to do work for other people and then complain about the time I spend away from the house doing the work you put me up for. We talk about this stuff and it seems like it goes in one ear and out the other. You are a changing person and I am trying to find a way to handle it, as am I.

So maybe this is the beginning of something much worse or maybe we just need time to figure it before we go jumping to conclusions.

The Husband.

Some people are just not temperamentally suited to marriage at all, but try to force themselves into it because of family/societal expectations. Some people get married for the wrong reasons, and the marriage is doomed from the start. Some people misjudge the person they marry, and find that after the "buzz" wears off, this is not the person they want to spend their life with. Some people misjudge themselves, and with the best of intentions find that after learning some things about themselves, they are the wrong partner for the person they have married. Some people marry and are happy for a time, but find that as they mature and grow they've grown in different directions and they are no longer good for each other. Some people find that after a trauma or severe stress of some kind (death of a child, birth of a child with disabilities, illness/injury to themselves or spouse, career problem/change, financial setback), they just can't continue in the marriage. Some people find that problems that they thought they could solve when they got married are not solvable (in-law problems, alcohol or drug problems, mental illness, etc.) There are lots of reasons why husbands leave their wives and wives leave their husbands that have nothing to do with being bad people or with failure. Sometimes, with the best will in the world, people make mistakes or bad things happen and marriages don't work out.

He's emotionally done and checked out of this relationship. Sounds like he has just went through the motion of this 10 yr relationship, like most people do. Now that you have grown up and out grown the bars he wants out cause he knows he still wants to act like a kid. Yes the guy below was right, sometimes you just need to suck it up and go with him and do things he wants to do at times. It sounds like though, he doesn't even want you to go.

The fact that he didn't take care of your 15 yr old when you were gone, just goes to show that it's time to get out and move on. Stop wasting so much time and energy one someone that obviously cares so little about your feelings. The biggest motivation of all should be how he could careless about spending time with his kids too. If your not strong enough to do it for you then do it for your kids, they deserve more.

I bet if you started tracking things on him you'd find there is other girls in the picture.

Sounds like he is giving up or has already gave up either way an intervention is needed at this point. I would hate to hear you both gave up and will divorce so if you love him and I mean really love him try really hard to make this work but remember you can't do it alone. Talk to him and maybe try going to church, believe it or not it helps. and I am not a super religious person by any means but I know in my heart when times are rough and I feel like things are falling apart. I pray and usually things work out for the best. Keep faith close to you.

This is sorta similar to something I went through with my ex bf. We were on/off for 10 years.. All of a sudden he kept saying he wanted his own space and freedom. He wanted me to get friends so he wouldn't feel guilty for going out with his friends all the time.. He kept saying we didn't need to talk on the phone everyday.. or even a couple times a week. I would asked if he missed me and he'd say no, i've talked to you during the week and been busy. Basically, this went on for a year and finally he said, I want to see other people. I want to do what I want when I want.

Now mind you, everything he asked for he got. He didn't want to talk everday, so then we talked less even though it wasn't what I wanted. He didn't wanna hang out together on Saturdays.. we didn't even though I did. I did everything he wanted from me and it made me miserable. And he still wanted to see other people. So, bottom line, sounds like you're husband isn't very interested. He's a jerk. He knew you for 8 years so he was fully aware of what he was getting himself into and now you're boring.. He's trying to put the blame on you so you feel like it's his fault if he decides to leave. I think you need to change how you react to him. If he goes out on Friday.. don't call him.. don't ask him if you missed him. Take the kids out for dinner and movie and do things while he's out.. That should get him to start missing you. It may feel like a game.. but sometimes he has to see that you're not sitting around and waiting for him and that'll scare him into doing stuff with you.

Yes, what is the deal?

Neither you nor your husband have made an effort to spend time together. You do not like to go to the bar with him and he is not much for just taking a walk. Why did you marry? Yes, I must ask this question. For marriage implies that sometimes, whether you like it or not, you do something for your partner that might please him. E.G. like going to a bar.

But do not go to the bar without asking him to take a walk with you once in a while. This is the way things work out. You do "this" for me, and I will do "that" for you.

Of course, it might be too late for that. But you still might learn to negotiate. Check out my source for more info on how to negotiate a compromise.

Sounds to me like he is having an affair. Maybe you should go to the bar with him just to see what happens? and can't you do something with your friends? Is this only friday nights that he goes to the bar?

He's showing you just how much of an asshole and a jerk he can be, even when it comes to his own kids. You need to divorce him.

I hate to say it, but he has a new life partner. You've even met her. Her name is Booze.

It sucks to be a drunk, someday he'll figure out why.

u should talk to him first...and dont assume nothing...have a SERIOUS conversation with him!!! if u and him are suppose 2 be...yall will work out!!! KEEP THE FAITH...