How do i deal with a 19 yr old boy(my son)who keeps acting up smoking &drinking,kick him out of the house?

Well, since he has a son of his own, he needs to do some serious growing up- like right now!!!

Not only is his behavior dangerous to himself, but it is dangerous to his son as well. If he is shirking his parental responsibilities, that is called 'child neglect' and 'child endangerment' and can be taken very seriously!

I am assuming that he lives with you, and his son does as well(?), since you ask whether to kick him out or not. You need to make it quite clear to him that he needs to step up to the situation he is in and stop this behavior, especially if you are supporting him by letting him live at home. It still is your home and you have the right to say what goes on in your house, that includes the character and behavior of the people in your home- especially if it is a 19 year old. He legally is an adult.

Is the mother of his child in the picture, or how does the custody of the child work? That would be my first concern. If the mother is out of the picture, I would see about becomming this child's legal guardian. Based on his behavior, the fact that he doesn't have housing (besides living with you), and lack of employment and poor work habit, you shouldn't have a problem proving he is incapable of taking care of this child.

I would talk to him and explain that you are concerned about him, but you are also concerned for his child that depends on him. Make sure he knows that you are going to follow through with your decision and there are real consequences for his actions now, especially when they are involving a young child!

Good luck and please make sure his child will be taken care of!!!

Ok I personally don't think it is a big deal however if that is a rule you have put for your house then he needs to respect it. Give him a choice he wants to do grown-up things he needs to be a grown up. Do you care that he does it at your house or that he does it at all? If you just don't want it to be in the house tell him. He is a legal adult so telling him not to is kinda a moot point. If you don't want him to tell him that he needs to either stop or move out. Don't make a huge deal about it by drug testing him and taking his stuff because all he will hear is blah blah blah. Talk to him about smoking responsibly. He is going to do what he wants to do, Smoking and driving is the same as drinking and driving, getting a job is hard because most places drug test, do your research and talk to him as an adult not your kid. My Ma hates the fact that me and my 2 sisters all smoke (We get along a lot more after we started smoking together lol) but she actually talked to us and we respected her enough not to do it around her or in her house and that is all she requires of us. Please don't stress yourself out over it (I know that is hard to do as a mother) just because he tokes it up doesn't mean he is doing worse things . Taking away his stuff wont work!!!!! My Ma has had this rule where she wont bail out any of us out or help us if we get caught. At first I thought it was just a bluff and at 20 I got caught and she stuck with it. I spent a week in jail, lost my job, and was lucky enough to get the charges dropped after the judge talked to me and I told him that I would stop. OK so I didn't (I am an idiot I know) but I did get my marijuana license so now it is legal for me. I do smoke however I also live on my own, pay for my stuff, have an OK job as a manager while I go to school full time (keeping a GPA of 3.7). Marijuana is not a gateway drug, and is not harmful (unlike alcohol and tobacco which are legal). If you are really worried that he is doing other stuff ask him. If you think he lies to you then there isn't much you can do and you know you can't trust him. Control isn't the key neither is yelling, grounding, or any of the other things that others have suggested. Keep an open communication line and hopefully when he grows up he can realize that you worry about him and that isn't the worst thing to have. I hope this helped.

He's an adult, and living with you is a privelege now, not a right. If he starts causing more trouble than it is all worth, kick him out. He has to learn how to be a responsible adult in all aspects. Being a parent is only one of them, so dont let him trick you into believing he is making good choices just bc he is supporting his child. He is not old enough to be drinking, so that should be unacceptable. Smoking cigarettes is a personal choice, so if he chooses to do that, he just needs to keep it out of the house. Marijuana or illegal drugs should not be tolerated in the least. Part of living at home as an adult is holding a steady job. If he doesnt like the one that he has, he needs to find another one before he quits the current one. Just like if he was living on his own, he wouldnt be able to quit a job and wait for another one to come along. Bills and responsibilities dont wait. Its time for you to teach him that.

EDIT: One more thing. If I were you, I wouldnt be so quick to threaten to take his child from him, bc that might sound like a good plan to him. Then his life would be perfect...he wouldnt have to go to work for anything then. Its not fair to you to have to raise another child, you already raised yours. I wouldnt talk to him about taking his son at all, if you are worried about the child well being, i would talk to a lawyer if you are thinking about taking over parental rights, but not your son.

If he can afford to smoke and drink then he must have some spare cash on him. If you don't do it already, you should start charging him rent. It doesn't have to be a lot, but it should be enough to make him realize that he's gotta keep working. He's not a child anymore, he's a father who needs to start behaving like one. Give him some more responsibilities. Don't clean up after him or do his laundry. Don't cook for him. Make yourself less available for baby sitting duties. Teach him that he's gotta stay at home and take care of his son - like normal parents do.

It's grandma's time to go out and party now. :-)

I've got a similar problem with my sons except neither of them have children. I think if you throw him out then his life will fall even further down, he will sponge off these girls, drink and smoke more. He needs a mother to look after him and be there for him. Wait for the right moment to connect with him and tell him how much you are stressing about this. I told my eldest (nearly 18) that his behaviour was actual making me ill and it was around them that he started listening to me more and helping me more.

Pack your sons things and take him to the nearest homeless shelter and tell him you love him BUT,it is HIS responsibility to provide a home for his son, now get to it.

I know this is hard and he WILL hate you for now but once he gets on his feet, he will realize you did this for his own good.They will see to it the baby has what it needs.If he does not take care of the baby , just have D.S.S make a visit, you can always file for custody if need be.

Sit him down and have a little conversation.

He will keep acting up if you continue to let him free load.

Let him know that if he doesn't stop the BS, he will need to find a new place to live.Give him a date so it can motivate him.

Good luck.

he has a kid now and it is time he grows up and starts acting like a father. keep the kid but kick him out till he gets his crap together.

It is a shame he had to bring someone into this world when he cant even take care of himself.

Where is the mom?

19 yr old boy? that's the start of the problem, he might not know he's a man. clue him in.

I would have kicked him out by now and taken custody of my grandchild. It hurts when you have to give up on your children, I can imagine, but they'll either learn on their own or fall in the pit of their mistakes. Right now what should matter is your grandchild who is twice your child. He shouldn't be around that type of influence. My grandmother, before she died, took one of my aunts child because while she provided for her kid (through stripping), she was asleep all day, partying, etc. That's not being a good parent.