Should I go to the funeral?

Question

My ex passed away last Friday and the Funeral is tomorrow. We spent five years together in the relationship and at have talked to each other since. We have know each other 9 years. The family/friends and I didn't get along. I am worried that if I showed up to the funeral I could make it worst and instead of grieving there would be fighting. When my ex was drunk he did bad things (stole, abuse etc) but when we were sober it was a good relationship yet I am worried that I will be blamed for his death. (Tox report is not back yet but we are fairly sure that it will be hot) I also would not give him my new phone number because I didn't want the fighting and blaming to continue. I would still call him but it wasn't as often. I know nobody can tell me what to do but I would like opinions.

Update:

I should of noted that this is a 11 hour drive each way

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

That could be kind of weird. You can make prayer for him at home, and visit after if there is any distress between you and his family.

I would go anyways, for they were part of your life at one time.

Khair inshAllah
Salam

;) · Answer

i think this is one of those situations where u dont have to feel bad about either choice you make. You have a right to attend the funeral ceremony. If people want to fight with you at the funeral that's just messed-up. It's not about you, its about burrying a human being. Anyway, if you don't want to go that's ok 2. dont beat yorself up.
x x x

oldernwiser · Answer

I have to concur with the first person.  You go to a funeral for the benefit of those left behind.  If your presence will ignite a situation, then don't go.  You can grieve on your own for this loss, but don't magnify their grief.

Anonymous · Answer

What you really want to hear is "Go!", you asked us so you have somewhere to lay the blame if it goes all wrong.

So, I'll indulge you.

Go, you'll regret it if you don't, and if it goes wrong you can blame me, an anonymous person from the internet who will never feel the affects.

Jess H · Answer

Well, if you think it's going to make an issue, or cause a scene, then I personally just wouldn't go.  There are other ways you can honor his memory, and you could always go to visit the gravesite by yourself later.

6u@&#39;ntrs · Answer

Don't go for the sake of going. Go because you miss your ex and you love them. Go because you want to. Although their fam/friends didnt get along with you(they would have their reasons)  you should still go because you still & will always loe your ex and your ex's fam/friends will realize hoe much you cared for them and your ex. So, go to the funeral and ignore the fact that you guys didnt get along. Just keep in mind that there are 2 main people that you are going there for. Your ex and God and GOd knows how you feel and what you think and He sees how much you care for your ex. So, just go to the funeral!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:P

Cheryl E · Answer

Personally, I think you have a right to be there to pay your respects. If someone confronts you, just walk away. That is their problem, not yours. If they can't behave at a time like this it says a lot more about them than it does about you.

Anonymous · Answer

you have as much right as them to say goodbye if anyone says anything point this out also how could it be your fault?,did you make him o.d. or whatever he did to kill himself?, no he would have done this to himself, you were the abused not the abuser keep that in mind and tell em straight if they start on you

Bryan J · Answer

I would go and sit quietly in the back and try to avoid everyone. You might regret if you dont go you need the closure.

God is Good! · Answer

Go to the funeral.

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Should I go to the funeral?

15 Answers