Question for mistresses:?

Sounds like you may have been recently left..

I'll give you two stories, one's a generalization, one actually happened.

Back in the 60's and 70's where only men were 'bosses', married man, would fool around with his secretary, start an affair, leave his wife.

Then, marry his secretary, she'd then quit the job, stay at home and he'd get a new secretary.... Pattern begins again.

This one is a real story, happened to my cousin over in UK.

She met man, a married man. he had 2 boys, young age.

They fell in love, they had an affair.

But he said "I can't leave my wife, I can't live without my kids. We could only be together after they've gone away to college"

So, they continue the affair, she says she'll wait.. Eventually, the wife finds out but nothing really happens.

18 years pass by, the youngest of the two boys goes off to college.

She's had an affair for 18 years with this guy, gave up her child bearing years, the party years and how does he repay her???

Well, he leaves his wife, they separate assets. She knows it was coming, had for 6 years.

He marries my cousin and they've been happy for another 5 years or so.

Sometimes, a mistress is more than a mistress, she's the piece of the puzzle that he's been searching for. It's not really that much different than meeting the person of your life, except that it affected another person.

I had a friend that cheated on her husband 4x and she didn't end up with any of the guys..

I actually don't think I know of a guy that's cheated on his wife, but know 3 or 4 women that have.

Ok I want to start off by saying that I am not a mistress but i do want to help you so i am going to answer your question anyway. I think that a woman who sleeps with a married man does not have good self worth. The man ususally lies to the woman saying that he is unhappy, in the process of a divorce, wife treats him badly, blah blah blah....so she belives him, thinks he's a nice guy and begins the relationship.He probably spoils her to keep her quiet or to make her believe the lies he has told her even more. At first anyway. All those cards, flowers, candlelight dinners are going to stop at some point b/c he has her in his web now. Once she is in the relationship and has caught feelings for him she might realize that he isn't so close to the divorce as she thought so she may hang around for longer thinking that he will eventually leave the wife for her. From the wifes perspective, they have probably been married for a period of time, had some children, and just become a "boring" married couple. Which is understandable since the woman is so busy trying to run the household, take care of the kids, work, cook etc., and doesn't mean to let the sexual part of the marrige go but **** happens. The husband still probably wants his "needs" met and craves that excitement of a "new" partner so he cheats. I think that the mistress probably wishes she were the wife so she could reap the benefits of being the love of his life. She would be allowed to be seen with him in public, able to go to the company functions, have his children, and be able to be with the man with no cloud over the relationship.She wants what you have, the house with him, the life with him, and unconditional love. Every situation is different but I believe that once a cheater always a cheater....he may leave you for her, but he will do the same thing to her somewhere down the line. Karma. Is. A. *****.

humm well i think my situation is complicated i am the mistress, but he is also the other man, we are both married. We were both unhappy before we met, i was contemplating leaving my husband for many reasons, i just never actually had the courage to do it. He and his wife were having problems, he wanted a divorce, she didnt, she got off birth control because she thought if they had another kid that would make him happy, she didnt tell him she was off it and wound up pregnant, to put it lightly he was not happy. we ended up meeting and kind of hit it off, we talked about what was going on and realized we were both in a slowing sinking ship. When we met there were no intentions of us being more than friends, we even spoke about it how it was great to just be friends. then i dont know as time went by we got closer and closer and realized there was much more than a friendship between us. So as to your questions, our relationship is great actually, I dont know exactly how he treats the wife but i know he treats me amazingly, he has to treat her well though i mean she is pregnant after all. And i understand that she is his wife and she does come first until (if) they divorce which of course he says will happen after the baby is born. How many times has the other woman heard that one though :) haha well i know some of the things his wife did that made him uphappy, clearly the whole getting of bc and not telling him, but before that he said she did other things and is very controlling, this is not something he has told me that may be a lie, i hear her talk when i am with him and she is a total ***** sometimes and for no good reason, granted he obviously lied to her to be with me, she thinks he is out with friends, she calls over and over demanding when will be be home even when she is out of town. I dont know that im any better i just know im different from her. So for the last one yes we are still together, neither one of us has left our spouse yet but yes we have talked about it.

KUDOS TO YOU!!!! I am gonna follow this question..hmm just curious..from what I have learned from some of the mistresses I have mentored..it is not better, he treats her as a woman but nothing like the wife and he doesn't carry a high level of respect for her..this is just what I have been told by many women that have done this and also he always ends up doing more to her than he could ever do to the wife and he always longs to be back with his prize possession, he may marry her and a lot of times that is always shaky and it is also for convenience bc no one else wants sloppy seconds, so he just chooses to settle..A PERSON THAT WILL CHEAT WITH YOU WILL CHEAT ON YOU..this is one of my cliche's that I made up..

I'm not a mistress but man Kristen needs some self-esteem! She said that she uses the men but in fact she is the only one being used.

I'm not a mistress but of the few woman I've known who were, it never worked out. One girl comes to mind in particular who had two relationships with married men. She expected both of them to leave their wives for her but neither of them did.

So this is where everybody is at? How y'all doing? Don't you wish YA had continuing threads? When I first came to YA I went straight to the "Married and Divorce" section because I thought I could learn something or possibly teach someone something because of my chosen situation. However, what I came into was a bunch of wives and sometimes husbands complaining about their spouses activities or behaviors. In the area of extramarital affairs there was one voice missing. In short, mine. So I have shared some of the events that has happen in my life as "The Other Woman". But today, I found that there "Other Women" who are in similar situations. I would like to really welcome them to this fold. The more perspectives on this subject, the more likely learning will take place. I will say again, Mrs.___ I don't want your husband. It is not a matter about feeling better about myself. I am living my life. You have a problem with that because your husband has made a choice to be a part of it. Again, I am not your problem. I am not concern with how he treats the wife. That is between her and him. I've seen some things but it's not my place to say to anything. I don't I have anything better than you. I do think what I have I use better than you. Note: What I have is not his to keep. We didn't lie to each when this started and we are lying to each now. Again, I don't think I am better than anyone. I am as good as anyone but not better. The part of your regarding leaving family does not apply to my situation. He will always go home because he does not have the desire to leave his home.

I come here for two reasons. One: Cat Daddy's wife frequents this section. Since she will not talk to me, this is our forum of choice. Secondly: I thought the forum could be used for everyone to learn something about people as well as marriage. I still stand by that decision. I think we can all learn something. How the choices we make, we are responsible for alone. We don't have to use this forum to have cat fights in print. We can use it to better by ourselves by learning how not to force our beliefs, values and expectations on other people. We can use it to try to be better people.

I like this one I would like to know too but not a mistress

you probably won't get much of an answer unless that AKAsumthinsumthin chick is on line. she is pretty proud of her self.

i think that homewreckers justify what they've done in their heads.

they convince the man and themselves that the ex is a beeoch and this is true happiness. it's just a "swan song"

i'm not a mistress but im glad you asked this question!