Not sure what to do about my Maid of Honor?

I would grab your mother and go visit them. Then you can sit down and talk with your cousin. You know how much effort goes into planning a wedding so maybe your cousin is just so focused on her brother's wedding and she wants to get that one out of the way before turning her mind to yours.

Ask her about work and the other wedding and if she says that things are hectic and she's stressing out then ask her if she would like to be just a normal bridesmaid or a guests. Try to be understanding of her situation, being a MOH in a huge responsibility and if she's juggling two jobs and two weddings then I actually feel sorry for her. Maybe she's worried about the cost of being MOH so soon after being a BM, dresses and presents and organising things can start to add up.

If she wants to remain as your MOH then decide now on a time to go dress shopping, as soon as the other wedding is finished (maybe give her a weekend to recuperate). And just to put your mind at ease try and think of some back-up plans for if she has to pull out at the last moment.

Won't her mother and sister-in-law be able to make the shower or the wedding? If it's just the shower then don't stress, sometimes things clash and there's nothing you can do about it. If it's the wedding then why? Ask what you can do to help them.

Good luck with everything!

Methinks you're taking it a bit too personally. No one "owes" you anything here; that you chose to go to someone's bridal shower doesn't automatically obligate this person to come to yours, for one. Two - you seem to be looking for more than just "emotional support"; seems that you do want your MOH to get involved in the various aspects of planning your wedding, so you are contradicting yourself and probably sending mixed messages. Also, you and your cousin seem to have a certain dynamic going - you always go visit her, she doesn't come visit you; it hasn't been a problem for 10 years, but now all of a sudden it is? You can't expect her schedule or her desire to travel to change all of a sudden once you designated her to be your MOH (especially if you didn't communicate from the outset that you wanted her to be involved in planning). The thought process should have been to choose a MOH who has proven to be willing to engage with you on YOUR turf, who would be willing to get her hands dirty, so to speak; it would be a person who is geographically close, and who has made an effort in the past to do things your way instead of always it being done their way. Your cousin is the way she is - don't let your feelings be too hurt by it; accept her as she is, but it can be that she is simply not cut out to be a MOH. It shouldn't make you love her or appreciate her any less, but you do need to talk to her and give her an opportunity to back out of the commitment. Clearly, you have expectations that she can't fulfill. Be honest with yourself and with her about it.

A Maid of Honour is supposed to be there to help plan your wedding and be there when you need her. If she can't even be at your bridal shower, then what the heck???

I like the other suggestion about making it seem like you're doing her a favour by 'demoting' her, so that she doesn't have too much to take on. Being a Maid of Honour is not just a title, it's a RESPONSIBILTY that she isn't taking seriously. You dont just pick someone you feel is your best friend. Well granted they usually are, but usually you can rely on your best friend to be there when you need her.

Poor you! Your wedding should be so special to you and those who are close to you. Do you have someone who can fill in? I would suggest not being mean or upset, but I would tell her that since she is not reliable, and this is the biggest day of your life thus far, that you cannot depend on her like you should be able to. If you don't have a stand in, then I would suggest that as long as she gets her dress you still let her be in the wedding, but afterwards I would really sit down and have a heart to heart. This business of you going to see her only, kinda makes it sound like the feeling of sisterhood is only coming from you and not recipicated by her =( I’m sorry! Just don't let it darken your special day. You are not getting married to her, but to a man who loves you and wants to spend his life with you, so I would focus more on him and your future. Also, I would make sure that the people who are helping you and being involved know just how much you truly appreciate their support. God Bless you honey!

that's a tuffy, but generally you should just meet with your cousin and have a heart to heart. Tell her how you are feeling and giver her an out. Maybe she accepted out of a feeling of obligation to you but she sounds like she may have too much on her plate already. Level with her and see where it goes. If you don't it will be a disaster when it comes out and it always does and at the worst times.

you have 2 issues you're able to do: it extremely is once you're taking her to lunch and ask her how she's doing and what's happening together with her. only sit down and hear her. decision a million. whilst she's comprehensive tell her which you get the sense that she's no longer in a position perfect now the place she is in a position that can assist you with wedding ceremony stuff by way of fact of what's happening in her existence perfect now. permit her be responsive to if her existence is only too complicated perfect now that it extremely is totally nicely with you if she steps down. decision 2: in case you extremely might desire to have her as MOH or you only won't have the capacity to deliver your self to have the different convo together with her then you extremely %. somebody else to be MOH and have 2 MOHs. she would have the capacity to easily be the guy who stands there next to you and the different can %. up the traditional jobs of the MOH and stand by way of you as nicely. for this reason lunch is to permit her be responsive to which you're responsive to her difficulty and nonetheless choose her to stand by way of you yet which you do no longer assume her to address extra suitable than she is in a position to regulate on the 2nd.

I would sit her down and have an honest talk with her about it. Maybe since you've been very accommodating to her and haven't asked for much help, she thinks she's acting appropriately and doesn't understand how you're feeling about it. Then go from there.

If she decides not to come to the shower, you should tell her that you didn't realize how heavy her schedule is and that it would be best for her and for you to choose another MOH. Be very nice about it and act like you are doing her a favor.

Don't go begging!

You made a choice good or bad

it's done.

Please, try not to let her get you down.

I'm sure she will eventually come around.

Congrats, and be happy!