somebody somehow make me laugh?

Here's a couple that might raise a smile.....

1) Two cannibals are at a wedding and one says to the other:

'I don't like in in-laws'.

The other replies "Well just leave them on the side of the plate."

2) Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.

The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

3). A set of jump leads walk into a bar.

The bartender says, 'I'll serve you, but don't start anything.'

4). Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

5). A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

6). A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says:

'A beer please, and one for the road.'

7). Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other:

'Does this taste funny to you ?'

8). 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'

'That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.'

'Is it common ?'

'Well, It's Not Unusual.'

9). Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.

Daisy says to Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.'

'I don't believe you,' says Dolly.

'It's true; no bull!' exclaims Daisy.

10). Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.

He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs !'

The doctor replied, 'I know you can't - I've cut off your arms !'

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes ?

A fsh.

15). Two fish swim into a concrete wall.

One turns to the other and says, 'Dam !'

16). Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were a bit cold, so they lit a fire in the craft.

It sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17). A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel,

And were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.

After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to

Disperse.

'But why,' they asked, as they moved off.

'Because,' he said, 'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'

18). A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption.

One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named 'Ahmal.'

The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him 'Juan.'

Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.

Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.

Her husband responds, 'They're twins ! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,

Which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.

He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet,

He suffered from bad breath.

This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) .

A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach.

As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother's,so he goes back to ask her why.

She tells her son, "The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is."

The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does.

She replies, "The bigger THEY are, the dumber the man is."

Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play.

Shortly thereafter, the boy returns again, and promptly tells his mother:

"Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets."

i have heard of this earlier. human beings merely can not help it and they snigger at very inappropiate moments. I had an aunt with this example, so i know you do not make it up.... yet regrettably, you could be prepared to comprehend that you in elementary words isn't common and that many human beings gained't in elementary words not believe you...additionally they gained't forgive you for doing it even as they were hurting.

A girl walks into a pub, and orders a bottle of champagne, then she goes over to a table sits down and pulls up her skirt and pulls her knickers down, and starts pouring the bottle of champagne all over her private parts.

The barman shocked at what she's doing runs over to the table and demands to no whats she is doing, the girl replies " I have just won the lottery and this is the only cu**nt im sharing it with

this joke is my fav:

A blonde is driving on her way to work.

Her husband calls her cellphone, and tells her to be careful

because there is a crazed driver

going the wrong way on the 405.

To which the blond replies "Yeah there's not just one,

there's f*cking hundreds of them!"

somebody make me laugh 2

NICE ONE, MARK!

A boy went into the bathroom and saw his mummy naked in the bath.

"Mummy- what is that thing between your legs?"

Mummy said "ermmm....that is where daddy hit me with an axe."

"Good shot!"' said the boy-"He got you right in the c**nt!"

Why should you not swim on an empty stomach? Because its much easier to swim on water.

Yeah, I got a joke for you. A man walks into a bar, 'owch!'.

why did the lobster bluch?

becuse the seaweed!! (see weed) get it? lol

have a nice giggleing day!