men and women, I need both your opinion - re: who pays for dinner?

What I think it SHOULD be and what it really is are 2 different things.

For me - if I ask a girl out, I need to be fully prepared to pay for everything.

Now if a girl just let's me pay for everything then I wonder if she's a gold digger or just wants a free meal.

If the girl at least offers to pay or at least pay her half, I will insist on paying but with a big smile on my face. To me that shows that she has some courtesy.

What I think SHOULD happen:

Who ever asks the other out should pay. If a woman asks a guy out then she should pay. After all, isn't that what this whole equality thing is about? I'm all for equality and I only think that's fair. All these double standards for women need to stop.

Here's what I was taught growing up by a mother who was very conscious about her manners, and required her children to be so as well:

If the man asks a woman out, by all means, the man must be prepared to pay for dinner. In fact, he must not only be prepared, he must actually PAY for dinner. If, in the event the woman insists on paying, the man must find a way to pay without embarrassing the woman or using excessive force. Extra points if he also does this in a romantic way.

The woman should offer to pay at least her portion of the bill, but if she has agreed to go to dinner with a man, she must think he is worth a date, and if a man is worth a date, he will not allow the woman to pay any of the bill. However, she must not insist beyond politeness, as that may lead to discomfort on the man's part (see above) or, worse, mislead him into thinking that she will, indeed, pay the bill. That being said, there are some men who appear "date-worthy" but, upon further inspection (i.e. the dinner) prove not to be. In case of such a man, the woman must always have enough money on hand to pay for the entire dinner.

Personally, my boyfriend pays for everything (or, at least, he tries to) and insists on doing so. About half the time, I'll convince him to go to the bathroom before paying and secretly hand the waiter the check and my payment before he gets back. So, after the first date, I'd say either split the meal or alternate paying for the whole thing. Better yet, stay home and cook a meal together ;-)

As a women, when asked out on a date, I always came prepared on first dates to pay my own way just in case I didn't know what to expect. If I knew there wasn't going to be a second date, I would try to pay my own way that way [later on] he wouldn't think I was using him as a free meal. Dates after the first few, I would offer to pay for dinner. We all have bills to pay and can't afford to cover every meal.

On a first date, the person asking should be the person paying. However both parties should come prepared.

I don't wait until the last minute. When they ask me out and I accept, I say, "Oh, and by the way, I always pay my share of the bill. That's just a little rule I have for myself, so I hope you're comfortable with it." If they say they aren't, then I excuse myself from the date. The reason is, I want to keep some semblance of equality in the situation, as well as some power. If you let him pay for everything, then you have just turned over all your power to him, and on a first date that is not a real smart thing to do.

Coming from a women ...

First date ... I think the man should pay ...

However ... if you know ... that no 2nd date will ever happen ... offer to pay for your share ... or lay out a 20-40$ to help cover the cost ...

I myself ... feel like especially in the beginning ... allot of dates should be dutch ...

and by date 3 or 4, I would insist on paying ...

unless of course he is old fashion and it offends him to have a women pay, or is uper rich ... then by all means pay away my good man ...

:-)

I always offer to pay, even on the first date. I feel that it is respectful, and it lets the guy know that I am not just going out with him to use him.

I think that the guy should not let the girl pay on the first date. Usually it is nice for the guy to pay, or at least offer to pay, for the first date, just to show that he's not cheap. If the girl offers to pay, he shouldn't immediately say, ok!, but rather should still want to.

(On my first date with my current bf we paid for our own, I insisted, because he had just bought me a $40 b-day gift and we had only known each other for a couple of weeks. I like knowing that I'm not depending on someone. So there are exceptions. )

After the first date, I usually preferred paying for myself and/or for the two of us. But it depended on my mood.

I would offer to pay, but that's just me. If they want to refuse they can, if they don't, I did eat, so I have no problem paying my share.

When my husband and I were dating, we used to take turns paying for the meals - not that we'd keep track of who paid when, but if I thought he'd been paying for a lot of stuff recently then I would start paying for dinners, movies, etc, so that it wasn't such a burden on him. Granted, he still ended up paying for most things, but he also made more money than me, and he didn't mind anyways!

But, yes, my opinion is that you should always offer to pay for your portion of a meal, unless a person specifically points out that it's his/her treat.

I think you need to feel it out. It is proper for the man to pay but this is the 21st century so maybe the woman could pay/ split it. However it's a way for guys to kind of show off for the girl.

if i ask or take soome1 out then ill offer to pay.. if its an agree and we both make the date then every1 pays for their own meal. if we are on a serious date i would like for him to pay.. but im not broke and every relationship is 50 50 so ill also offer to pay..

definetly the first date the man should pay. but after, the woman should offer to pay every other date. we are living in a new era! :)