I am depressed and want to die!?

Maybe I can be of some help on a few points. I too consider my true passions to be in writing and the arts, yet work an office job to pay the bills. And, I'm just north of you in New Hampshire so I know how expensive and stressful New England life can be, especially in the heart of it.

First suggestion, step back and view everything from a third person point of view. instead of just seeing all events of your situation as how they affect "you" directly, try and go from a selfish point of view to a third person point of view, and sometimes you can get a clearer picture.

The rest of my advice will be what I can say to help you slow down and appreciate your life.

As far as the financial situation goes...I don't know if you pay for school as you go, but if you do, you don't have to. You can take student loans, and even extra loan money to help support living expenses. This may help to allow you to work less and focus on school more now, then concentrate on work when your school is finished, and you can pay back the loan then. Another suggestion is cost of living. Boston rents are outrageous, if you moved outside of the city to commute, and/or got a roommate, you could ease your financial burden in this way as well, and there are plenty of great places outside the city. You may have convinced yourself that you are where you need to be, but try and take that step back and consider it from a third person viewpoint.

Im a few years older than you, but have been there working full time and going to school. My goal was to get the degree, a well paying job, and a house for my family. I got it, and suddenly became bored and frustrated. Where am I going with this? I realized after the fact that I based my successes entirely on my education, career, and financial levels; not paying any attention to other aspects of myself. Although I was satisfied that I had completed all of my goals that I had set, they were all based on career and income and so a greater part of me was unsatisfied.

I was slowly driving myself mad, and to make a long story short - I found a great relief by studying, at a light level, meditation and Buddhist philosophy. Just a taste of this sort of spiritual pursuit opened my eyes to the things that were really bothering me, and to the fact that I am more than my career and income. I came to terms to accept where I was at financially and education wise, and even though I find my job dull and unsatisfying I found ways to embrace it and not make it the focal point of my attention. I also found ways to put more attention into my writing and other creative pursuits, and all of this experience helped me to slow down, be satisfied, not get overwhelmed by my self-created stresses that were career and money related in nature - and overall helped me to adjust to a much happier perspective on life and what I am doing with it. There are plenty of places in this part of the country to study meditation if that may sound interesting, but I think the key is to do whatever you need to do to get a better, broader perspective on your situation and not just get lost in your own stresses that blind you to your true potential.

If I would have come to the perspective that I have on life now when I was at your point in life, I would have made my life the way I wanted it right then and there. I am doing this now, but it is harder with the responsibility of a family to provide for. Anyway, ask yourself if you are pursuing the education for money or for other interests that are more genuine. If you find you are pursuing for the former, dont quit, but ask how you can direct your education into something that interests you more, and pursue that. Settle for less of the material satisfaction such as a nice place in the city or whatever, and go for things that satisfy you on a more overall level, such as pursuing writing or the arts even if it means living at a lower standard, or not having such a guaranteed income. If you pursue what you truly want to be pursuing, you will find this much more satisfying regardless of the financial outcome. Remember, the human spirit is dynamic, we are not just drones who work and pay bills. We have many facets, and as I have recently come to find, life is much more satisfying when you pursue progression of all of them.

I know from reading your post that you are not really suicidal, but just overwhelmed, although some other answerers have taken you literally. But when the struggling does become overwhelming, remember after you overcome all of this, you will be a better, stronger, more confident and wiser person for it, and will be able to look back and find joy in the struggle you are currently going through!

Hopefully you find some of this useful, (I know I have a tendency to overtype) and if you wanted any more info feel free to contact me by clicking on my profile.

All the best

You are only 23 years old - that is extremely, extremely young. You do have a lot on your plate, but so have many other people, and you know that your life can and will change for the better.

Your problem is that you are burned out. It is hard to work at a job you dislike, and go to school at the same time, and get your assignments done. You need to get your priorities in order and decide what is most important.

Imagine some scenarios - what would happen if you quit that job? How would you support yourself? Is there something else you can do to make money? What if you signed up with a temp agency?

What would happen if you quit school? Or took a break and just didn't go the next semester? This would give you some time to reevaluate what you really want. How is your education going to assist with your dreams of traveling and writing?

Do you have any money saved? Can you get time off work? You might need to take a vacation and relax and do nothing. Or just try to get out of town for the weekend. Just a change of scenery can do some good.

Does your college have a mental health counselor you can talk to? Do you have medical insurance? I would suggest you see a doctor and tell him/her what's going on. The doctor would probably prescribe some medication for depression/anxiety which will help take the edge off.

You are not the only person in the world under stress, it's very common. Imagine doing what you're doing as a single mother, or with a husband in jail, or taking care of a sick parent or child - or having it all stop because you're in a major accident and stuck in the hospital for months trying to learn how to walk again.

Personally I do not suggest moving back home, as you may get stuck there, or taking out loans, which will only get you in deeper.

We all wish that we could go to an exotic island and get away from our problems (or certain people). You are not alone. If you don't have any friends you can talk to, please make some. And I know this sounds old-fashioned, but you really need to take care of yourself with proper diet, enough sleep and exercise. Exercise can really help you get out a lot of frustration, especially kickboxing or Zumba. Even punching pillows can help. Realize that nobody is going to take care of you but you, and you are worth taking good care of.

I suggest reading books by Louise Hay or other metaphysical authors, or listening to hayhouseradio.com. You can listen to lots of different speakers, and authors, and find how to view/handle situations in your own life.

I know it is tough, but hang in there. You will get through this. You are blessed.

You should be able to get government grants to pay for college, and then student loans on top of that. If you have to, get more loans to help balance your work/school situation and pay some of those bills.

You should really be proud of yourself, though. There aren't many 23 year olds who can say they've been able to support themselves and pay for college at the same time.

If college is really important to you, then focus on that and the benefits you'll get when finishing. If you don't think college is that important right now, you don't have to do it. You can quit, work full-time and save until later when it might be easier for you to go back.

But I hope you seek some kind of professional advice, because claiming you want to die is very serious. Talk to a college psychology professor about your problems. There's always an alternative.

I felt the same once. I also was very depressed and thought death was the only answer.

Fortunately, I was made to see sense and learned that I had been wrong.

You see, when you are depressed, you only see the negative side. I know what it feels like, it's like there is some fog in front of you which only makes you see the dark sides of things. But just because things seem bad now, it doesn't mean that that's how it will always be. I can assure you, every person has his sad days.

My best advice is to talk to a psychologist or psychiatrist- I can tell you that they can really help. Believe it or not, depression is caused by a decrease of serotonin in the brain (I also had something else because of it) and it can be treated.

I really do hope I helped you.

Hello dreamer,wake up!the reality on ground is you are not alone,7 out of 10 people in the society are going Thur the same predicament or worse.

I sympathies with you but I strongly against your suicidal thoughts,you can do this,you have survived this long,what you really need is that degree to change everything,many of us have different tales to tell,we tell them because we are alive and doing better today.

Life can be fun in some ways,do you have a love life?or a pet,there are times when we need that special thing or someone to keep us going in life.

I understand you are not happy with your work,well why not get a job that gives you joy.try a publishing house,since you love to write?

Don't talk to your boss regarding all the stuff you mentioned,he may see you as being suicidal,you may still need his Reference to get another job.Telling him you are not happy with the job may not help much,nor will the issue of your supporting your parent.

Get help through counselingg.

No, don't take the easy way out. you'll just regret it more. think about how dying children feel. they can't live out their lives. you, are lucky, to be in school and working. And in this economy, just be glad you can make money, i can't get a job at freaking McDonald's! As for school, Try to get it done. You may or may not finish but try regardless. As for family, get friends. Friends are the best thing to have. And if you don't, get some. Talk to people at work or school. Listen to good music to get you motivated too.

Just endure, lots of people are in your position, but they put up with it to get the reward for all their hard work. Don't Give up! You can e-mail me if you want.

Things could be a hell of a lot worse, there are a lot of people worse off than you, who have had such emotional termoil going on and actually do go through with it. i dont think you are one of these people. you are just looking for direction and answers in life. If your boss is a nice person they will understand and try to help you, if not, get a new job or persue your career as a artist or writer, go travelling and see the world, dont just waste your life and what you have to offer on how you feel now.

i hope this has helped.

In such a situation one can fell like this but this is not the remedy. It is escape. It is the escape from reality. I know it is difficult to face the reality sometime but this is truth we have to face it and wait till the time Go change sour life. God tests us by putting us in different situations. We should have the courage to face the reality and to pass these tests. Pray to God and He will surely help you.

Have a nice life dear dreamer.

And Fight with your life don't let it defeat you.

Okay im just going to start out sayin, everything ur dealin with and feeling is normal. Look, at that age a lot of people are in debt, are lost, confused, depressed, it's normal. I kno people who r in the same situation. I know ur probably feelin like all alone like no one to turn to, wats the next step. Well the first thing that u got to tell itself is, u are on ur own, ur life is ur responsibility, and u can do with it wat you want to. I kno that's harsh and im sorry but it is the truth. but okay, i think i can help. Look at ur life like it's a gig saw puzzle, u kinda know wat the big picture is but its piecing all the pieces together that's the tricky part. U have to figure out exactly what u want out of life (yes very philosophical Lil sorry). careers, houses, places u wan tto go ,etc. plan it all out even if you just jot down a few things that's definitely a start ad it will grow overtime. Then start thinking how u can put them into action. just thoughts. But here's the road block, how do you get rid of everything preventing u from doing all the things you want. As far as ur job goes, it sounds horrible and rough but just keep telling urself ull get through it because u need it right now, u should still talk to ur boss but, be professional about it. Ur goin through college right now you said and thats great, i hope ur majoring in something u wish to pursue. but i can understand work plus college is extremely overbearing, but it is something every ones got to do, tuition is crazy and u need a job. But after everything is all said and done ull be out of college with ur degree and applying for a career u love. After that u will drop ur other job u wont have school to deal with anymore and slowly but surely ull pay back ur debt. This is a crazy time right now for u it prob feels like things are just sinking, but things always have to get worse before they can get better, and they will you have to just pull through there's no way around it. I do Envy u goin on ur own paying for all ur utilities and stuff, and again once u get a better paying job it will all be soooo much easier. But u cud def get a roommate, to split the cost of everything with. please dont do anything ull regret, life can be good it will certainly get better, it's just a hard time rt now, u will pull through tho. Also i just realized that u said you managed to support ur self for four years, and that is very impressive, i am def sure u will be ok, even if u dont feel like u will, u will. U gotta take control of ur life, and get urself through it, u can do it. Independence is hard but not impossible, u will be fine overtime. This is the worse it will get, but it will get better. I hope i helped comment back if u ever need to.

Sounds like you need a financial planner. I'll pray for you.