What say you to fear of falling?

Question

Basophobia: Inability to stand. Fear of falling.
by Victoria Tarrani
(© 09.0410)

I fell again;
my feet tried to keep up
with my mind.
The lump tells me that
I did not succeed.

Nausea from the fall,
the wallop, but never
from confidence
because it was the last fall. 

It was my father’s curse;
my mind just can’t stop
as his never could.

I saw the worry in her eyes,
and thought how selfish
it was for my feet to
race my mind.
They never win.

She checked my eyes and
my thick skull (at least when
I hit my head it is in the
thickest part). Bone head,
he called me bone head.
He would know; we always
laughed about it.

I have scared others who care
about me. I have no broken bones,
just the dust of promises that
kept me still after a fall.
I hope my child is not
as clumsy as I am.

But, Dad and I did
so well for ourselves;
if her feet race her mind,
she will get thinking things done.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

hi again!
i agree with jimi and jack and cilla and all the others who suggested that you tighten your poem. just a little tweaking, then BAM, your poem will have the right amount of emotion for what your trying to represent.
as i have said before, you are a real poet, and you have a real beautiful poetic mind, so i congratulate you upon this.
i have read this poem five times, and let me tell you, if i cried, i would have meant every single tear. this is beautiful, well done tori. beautiful. 
please write more!
i'm just eleven, and my friends think i'm a geek...everyone thinks i'm a geek or a nerd or a brain-box, it's nice to find someone who can accept you for who you are, and who can write a pretty good poem. in fact no, more than pretty good, brilliant.
you defenitley speak to the reader, so directly and beautifully.
i didn't mean to hurt you if i said that you needed to tweak your poem a bit to add more fear or anger and lessen the euphoria and softness.
i didn't mean to hurt you.
brilliant poem, heads up, well done.
good bye wonderful poet - i mean tori!
: ) cheese!

Anonymous · Answer

I have scared others who care
about me. I have no broken bones,
just the dust of promises that
kept me still after a fall.
I hope my child is not
as clumsy as I am.
Love it, keep em coming!
jimi

angrypete3 · Answer

I really liked how you speak to the reader in this poem..its very smooth and not at all forced....some hints of regret, but not really sadness...Very good

Anonymous · Answer

I like, I like!
Try this though:
take out words like: that, and, as (know what I mean?) gives the "real" words more kick.

Anonymous · Answer

I say...
Fall.

Thanks for sharing, peace.

phllipe b · Answer

i say fear will take,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

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What say you to fear of falling?

6 Answers