am i evil?? sometimes i have very dark thoughts...?

I don't think you're evil. Or need help. I believe it's just a part of your inner nature to feel those things. Since I don't really know you, I can only venture this as a guess but I can coincide with you. I feel that way too sometimes. I'm happy, but I don't go frolicking around with butterflies and shining stars and such. It's just my disposition to be morose. But whenever I begin to get sullen and ill-humored, I surround myself with the one thing I genuinely love--music. And art. Maybe a movie. Call my mother, or sisters, or grandma. She always wants to talk. Aside, it IS difficult for one to remain slightly sane with the onslaught of establishment and the sometimes turbulent crucible of human nature. And you're not an encumbrance either. Maybe to someone you are, just like I am to someone, or someone is to me. But in the big picture, not that anyone really knows what that is, I'm certain everyone has ranting, clamoring inner demons who won't STFU. Doesn't make them evil. The only thing that would authenticate you or anyone being "evil" is having those black thoughts and acting upon them through violence. I, too, am irritated all the way deep down to my spleen with how ignorant our existing society has become-- boasting over materialistic nonessentials and looking to them as the paradigm of happiness. What can you do really? Nothing. Be yourself in all your uniqueness. Don't join the numbing flow of mainstream traffic. Resist, unlearn, and defy. Maybe someday I'll meet you in the garden...

I really think you need to see a doctor, because I know exactly how you are feeling right now. And it seems unbearable and agony, but it can be solved.

About 2 years ago I was a normal, happy person and then I was ill with a virus, the night I was ill I had been watchign a wierd horror film MAY which along with have a fever could have triggered what happened next. Basically all of a sudden this terrible anxiety and depression came, feeling sof pure terror and I could not help thinking of awful things, the worst things I could imagine. Things that made me pshcyailly sick, like I was being tortured, as if I was being forced to watch a video tape. And just a complete feeling of anxiety, terror and depression.

But I went to the doctor and started taking anti depressents and now I am fine. Sometimes a brain disorder like clinical depression can occur or be triggered by a virus etc and there is a chemical imbalance in the brain. Such things can create havoc in your mind, an dmake you feel awful. But it can be as simple as taking a medication by your doctor which balances this.

What you are describing is 'racing thoughts' so look on the net for depr4ession and racing thoughts, it's very common. There is also a good website called Daily Strength

Extreme emotions can be part of being a teenager. But then, if you have additional symptoms there could be something more to it. Do you have other symptoms also? Is there time that passes, that you cannot explain where you were or what you were doing? Do you easily lose your car in a parking lot? Do some people talk to you as if they know you, but you have no idea who they are? Do they speak of things you've said or done - and you have no memory of it? Do you find that you've spent money - and can't account for it? Are you finding clothing in your closet that isn't yours? Are you known for distinct moods or opinion differences that seem in conflict? Have you had an invisible friend, growing up? Are you having times that you "zone-out"? Sometimes to you have problems accessing the part of you that does math or writing or music....and need to be in a certain mood to access your ability to do it? Do friends or family have nick-names for your moods? Do you sometimes spend time thinking you're a younger or older age? IF you have answered yes to some of these questions, I would suggest you seek out a psychologist or go to Mental (/or Behavioral) Health. Ask to speak with someone with experience in Dissociative Disorders.

That was a rant for sure. Just calm down bud. Everyone feels all these emotions at times too-just not all at the same time like you are. Sounds like you are very overwhelmed right now. Maybe you have an anxiety disorder. It couldn't hurt to talk to a doctor and tell him how you're feeling, or maybe a therapist. Or do what everyone else does and self medicate, nah don't do that. Maybe take up yoga and meditation. Everyone has dreams and disappointments, all these feeling you are feeling, millions of people feel the exact same way. This is life...it sucks with brief moments of happiness.

Everyone has dark thoughts, and everyone has a dark side. What makes you a good person is how you proceed after such things. Wanting to hurt someone isn't abnormal, but not doing it is what makes you good.

I don't think anyone is inherently evil, they just react differently for one reason or another to things everyone else experiences.

Bitterness is all about perception, spend some time thinking about positive things in your life and not just the negative. So many people spend their lives searching for something to make them happy and then realize that they were happy all along, just distracted because they were searching so hard.

As Edgar Allan Poe once implied in his short story "The Cask Of Amontillado," every person has an evil streak in his mind, but it is up to the person if he pursues it or not. People also have those days like yours, but if illicit thoughts are constantly bugging you then I suggest you see a counselor or just talk to someone to give you tips on how to get rid of it.

Most likely you're in puberty (I'm guessing) because when you are in that stage hormones in your body go crazy and you become confused about everything. If you are, it will eventually go away.

Please get some help. You can lead a productive, happy life. You need tools to help you cope with your overwhelming feelings, and I think you're worth reading such a long question. That's why I come here.

You can find happiness. You will meet like minded individuals if you want to. Stay strong.

The way I know "EVILS", they can't have so-called 'dark thoughts'. All their 'thinking' are DARK to us. They plan a quite, organized, executable actions or plots against good souls.

Only a good person can think anything: Dark or bright. When you think dark, evil greets you; when you think bright something, evil try to interfere you.

p.s. I'm sorry, I had no time to read your long stories though. Yet, I can inform you one thing: there is a way of thinking called, surrealistic way. Many great artists use to think that way. To average persons, those were supposed to be 'dark thoughts'!

I would venture 99% of pleasure is the anticipation of pleasure, not the pleasure source itself. Just think of it like sex, orgasm only lasts 5 seconds if that. It is everything that leads to that moment, not the moment itself. And there can't be any pleasure without pain, or the absence of pleasure.

we are on the same boat..i am not happy with the family i live with.. i have day to day struggles with them and it's crushing me deep in my heart.. yes i wanna go back as a child where all i have to worry about is the sticking band aid in my wounded knees.. i feel for you..to cope at my situation what i do is make myself busy with things w/c can enrich my life...not think about anything that is negative..

okay ill give you an assignment.. do this... in every 1 negative thought that enters your mind, replace them with 3 positive thoughts.. do this everytime..

PRAY PRAY PRAY...GOD BLESS!