Could you continue to be friends with a married couple after they told you they wanted to have sex with you?

Part of this comes down to attitude. There are couples who are into swinging and couples who aren't. It sounds like you didn't have this conversation with your wife before you married because you assumed (rightly) she wasn't into it. So you married her under the assumption there wouldn't be any of that, and she's keeping her part of that bargain that she expressed in her attitude.

I've got to say, showing you a text message from his wife about wanting oral sex with you is pressure. That rings as if it were pre-arranged. You told him you and your wife weren't into it, but it sounds like they're still into either you or you both, and they're sending signals. From your wife's point of view, it's like if she told someone she wasn't interested in them and they kept pestering her; it's disrespectful. It also may tell that they care more about having sex with you than your friendship, because they can't see beyond the perspective of how they look at it, that everybody should be doing it. That's inconsiderate.

From a guy's perspective, it's flattering as hell to see a text message like that from a guy's wife, it makes you feel attractive and strong, which really twists a knife in your marriage if your wife hasn't been sending you that message lately. It's kind of thrilling, because you don't know what to do, and there's a sexiness to that thrill that may (or may not) be missing from your own marriage right now.

You just have to figure out if you want to be the man who's the object of fantasy, or if you want to be the man who's a good husband. If your the man who's a good husband, you find ways to bring some of that romance back into your own marriage, spice things up a little bit. Most women want an interesting sex life, she just doesn't want to share you, which is kind of sexy from a primal point of view, right?

Edit: Oh, yeah, the actual question I ignored for the subtext. It seems like they're not willing to compromise and let this go, and neither is your wife. You must choose who you want to spend the rest of your life with.

You said that counseling brought up more issues,, There is the problem... They have some deep unresolved issues that have been hidden for years.. They have to start from the beginning and work forward... The issues they have for each other are probably very small but ,like a snow ball rolling down a hill, have grown to the point that they are full blown problems and it happened in the past so they probably don't remember what they are either.....And most likely feel too embarrased to bring them back up...... Just a wild guess here but Thought I would take a shot at this one I would like to know how it turns out.. I'm sure this marriage can be saved as long as you can get them both to open up and NOt argue about the things that happened Good Luck

Your wife has every right to be upset. She is emotionally hurt. She is picturing the other woman all over you. You need to explain to these friends that she is not interested therefore you are not interested either. If you can't hang out with them and enjoy the company with out drinking and discussing these things then I suggest re-evaluating the friendship. If you can, find other things to do such as golf or dinners only as couples. Talk to your wife and assure her that you are not interested in these acts and that you would never do anything like that without her. Now that you know where she stands don't bring it up anymore. Your wife has very conservative views of sex and obviously has no interest in sharing you which you should respect. She needs to know that she can trust you and if that means cutting the friendship off then that's what you will have to do.

Wow, what a situation. Here you are being honest with your wife and she's all pissed at you. Sometimes it's better not to tell her everything I guess.

As long as you've done NOTHING with that friend, you wife needs to lay off you. I'm sure it was uncomfortable for you, yet a bit of an ego booster.

Now that you've told your wife your going to have to sit down and talk to her about it and say this is the last time we discuss this, I don't want you mad at me for telling you the truth, or do you want me to start lying to you so you don't get mad at me.

Now as far as being friends with that other couple......I'd say go golfing or something with the husband and stay away from the wife.

Good luck and I'm sorry your wife is yelling at you. It's not your fault, you were being honest with her.

For the betterment of your marraige and the trust of your beloved wife, I would cease all communication with the other couple.

Your wife is more important that this friendship. The other couple have no respect for you or your wife. You made it clear that you did not want to have sexual relations as a 4-some and they keep hinting, joking, and pushing the issue. I would end all friendship and if you choose not too, at least do not go to their house without your wife present with you. I doubt after that text she will want to go there knowing that the woman is imagining herself doing inapropriate things to you.

Save your marriage, end this friendship and cut all ties.

This is a boundaries issue. That said, your first duty is to your wife. Sit down with her and discuss the boundaries for discussing sex with friends. Clarify the expectations both of you have. Obviously this isn't something people discuss in premarital counseling, so you two have to write the rules...together.

Then lay down the law with your friends. If they choose to violate the boundary. Your duty to your wife is to either avoid the friend or never be alone with either of them again.

If this guy and his wife can't seem to respect your marriage vow, (let alone theirs) then you can't really call him a friend.

I find these people NOT to be the best "friends" to have period. I don't find anything funny in what the wife said, nor do I think it's funny that the husband found it to be such a joke either. These people are just plain disgusting, & myself, I would NOT have anything to do w/them from now on. By still being friends w/them, to me is just encouraging them, or encouraging to them. I agree w/your wife that the whole thing was very out of character & not appropriate. These people would no longer be on my "friend's list" if I wanted to remain in a happy marriage. Let them find someone else to prey on, surely not me, nor would I want them to interfere in my happy marriage. They are NOT worth it...Best to you...:)

I think it would be best to find new friends.

I mean how would you feel if your wife continue to have a friendship with a guy she knew wanted to have sex with her?

For the sake of your marriage, let them go.

Frankly, I'd be filing for divorce if I were in your wife's position. Your behavior IS inappropriate. You should have ended the friendship immediately and told this guy that you and your wife will have no further contact with these people. Instead, you treated it as though it was all innocent play. What is WRONG with you?

They're freaks and they'll wind up ruining your marriage if you're not careful. You both need to stay away from them.