Would you critique my 11 year old granddaughter's first poem for us?

Wow that is awesome for a 11 year old!

love the ending too....she sounds like a real smart girl.

Overall, great job! I love the topic (as I was similar at that age!)

Here's some pointers:

Line 2 - "throw grass in their face" I picture a whiny kid throwing grass, not a football player making them "eat the grass" I feel the rhyming here is forced, which is the trouble with rhyming poems - it has to be natural, not forced.

The repetition of lines 2 and 4: "But I tackle everyone" and "But I love when I tackle" - too much for me. Try to reword one of them (my suggestion is line 2, due to the previous comment)

Lines 6 and 7 - Love "football stud" but line 6 could be reworded...maybe "compared to the guys", or "I'm known as the..." Everyone you know isn't a football player (I'm assuming), so it just doesn't sound right.

The third stanza is great, love the idea. But SB has "no need for me" - I think a different word other than need would work better (because you're a good player, and they DO need you, they just don't want a girl). (Love line 9) Lines 10 and 11 could be cut, and move up the first half of the fourth Stanza since it's the same idea.

Lines 15-17 are wonderful, and if you can get Stanza three and the first part of Stanza four into a four line stanza, you have a nice pattern going (four line stanza, three line stanza, four line, three line)

The fifth stanza is a little odd. I like it, especially lines 18 and 19 (I think I'd cut out "all" though, don't use unnecessary words) . Lines 20-22 are my problem lines - you talk about tackling the whole poem, but then you say you're usually the better person and leave - try not to contradict yourself (unless that's the style of the poem- which here it's not).

Cut "And" on line 24.

Cut "You" on line 25.

Again, great job!

This sounds like it has meaning behind it and wasn't just thrown together which makes it a good poem. If it's from the heart and has a message then it's never going to be bad, people can always sense that

A cute poem and a great humorous wind up.

Here we have an annual fall H.S. football game, gals/boys to open the

season, the girls team is called, "Power Puffs"

Wow what a great poem! I like the rhymes and it reads very smoothly. You sound like a fun kid and I hope the other players get over their fear. We wouldn't want you to lose your competitive edge.

Thanks for sharing a great poem. My niece is a champion wrestler and the boys are all afraid to compete with her too. She ruins their winning streaks.

Good Luck with your poems and sports!

To me , she sounds like a a young "lady in progress." This is her "tomboy" stage. Soon that will end when that favorite boy, Tom? - comes on the scene. The poem is well written and very expressive and I can follow right along with what she's feeling and thinking. All in all, a good job. Keep more verse coming as your growing and maturing stages change. Papaw

I love the theme of the poem! I also enjoyed the rhyme scheme. To make improvements on the rhythm, try to maintain a constant number of syllables per line.

I like the topic! I loved playing football, though it was the one sport my father would not let me play! I regret it to this day! I am grown now with children of my own, and it's one of my biggest regrets? Pretty strange, huh?! So, GOOD FOR YOU!!! You go girl!!!!!!! and keep up the poetry! That's a good start!

Hahaha..What a fun read! And what a lil progressive thinker she is! What a doll. Meter doesn't matter so much at this point. She might want to focus on her couplets though...all in all a very good first run!!

Ah! This was so awesome! i want to talk to her haha.. i was all giddy ... reminds me of my cuz

Did grandma help a little? ;)

i really liked the wording, rhymes, and comparison to girl vs. boy life haha

Great language, words i don't see a lot of but enjoy.

Very Cunning!

Work on the flow a little... read it in different speeds and you'll see the sketchy spots

Surprisingly i'd love to read more!

She has her G-ma's Gift =D

Great Job