Blonde Jokes! Blonde Jokes!?

THE T.V.

A blonde went to electronics store and she asked, "How much is this TV?" The salesman said, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."

The next day she came back as a brunette. She asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."

The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry we don't sell to blondes."

She replied, "I came in here as a brunette and a red head. How do you know I am a blonde?"

"Because that is not a TV, it's a microwave

FIRST BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"

The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

THE LUNCH

3 construction guys were working on a skyscraper, up on the 40th floor.

At lunch, the bald guy said "Every day my wife packs me a tuna sandwich. If there's tuna again today, I'm gonna jump off this building!". He checks it & sure enough it's tuna again so old baldy jumps.

The redhead then says "Every day I get a cheese sandwich for lunch from my wife. If it's cheese again today then I'm jumping off here, too!". Sure enough, it's cheese so the redheaded guy jumps off.

Then the blond guy says "I always get a jelly sandwich. If it's jelly again then I'm jumping, too!". He checks & it's jelly so he jumps.

At the memorial service for the 3 guys, their wives are talking about this.

Both the bald guy's wife & the redhead's wife said the same thing, "I don't understand why my husband jumped. If I had known he wanted something else to eat for lunch, I'd have given it to him."

Then the blond man's wife says "I don't understand why my husband jumped. He always made his own lunch."

HOW LONG

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?" The agent replies, "Just a minute..." "Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.

THE PHONE BOOK

A blonde walks angrily to the front desk in the library, and says “This book is boring; it has no plot, and too many characters.”

The librarian said “Oh, so you‘re the one who took our phone book…..”

THE GREAT BLONDE KIDDNAP

A blonde was in urgent need of cash. In order to raise some money, she decided the only way was to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, “I’ve kidnapped you.”

She then wrote a note saying, “I have kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $100,000 in a paper bag and put it under the tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde.”

The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid’s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the tree.

The Blonde opened the bag and found the $100,000 with a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?”

ELECTRIC CHAIR

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation. They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning - though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, “I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent.” They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness,

and release her.

The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words. “I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.” They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her.

The last one (you know it), a blonde, is strapped in and says, “Well, I’m from the University of Texas and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I’ll tell ya right now, ya’ll ain’t gonna electrocute nobody if you don’t plug this thing in.”

OUCH!

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her it hurt wherever she touched her body.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?

"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde.