Scrapbook for an adoptive baby from her birth mother?

I agree with Sunny and Cantstop. I know that you feel like adoption is a done deal, but if you have any doubts at all, please get your baby back while there is time. Living without your child is hell on earth. I know. I have lived it. Your child wants only YOU, and she is missing you terribly right now.

Please take really good care of yourself, and if you need a shoulder feel free to email me. I know how much you are hurting right now. I think making a scrapbook would be lovely, and a good way to deal with grief.

However, as Magic pointed out, you have to be very careful about how you word things that are going to be read by your child for life. The garbage that adoption agencies brainwash women to relinquish, is very offensive for adoptees to hear as adults. One day, I am sorry to say, you will not believe it either, and will be equally offended. I can tell that you've been through an agency, just by how you are calling yourself a "birth" mom.

Very sorry for your loss. Take very good care of you.

I have a very good relationship with my adoptive mother. To be honest, I started my search looking for my father. Adoptive fathers in my life left alot I mean alot to be desired. If a parent can love more than one child, then a child can love more than one parent. Its this way now in step parent relationships. I have been on that end too. Mothers come in all shapes and forms. I am the daughter of two women. Both have influenced me. Here is an example: When I had my first daughter, a friend came to visit. Somehow we got on the topic of adoption. I told her that I was an adoptee. She asked if I had ever searched. I told her that I want to but I didn't have the money to do so. She told me that she was a natural mother. I asked her the same question. She said that she felt that she didn't have the right to search. For a moment in time, I was her child and she was my natural mother. I have had this experience on numerous occasions. Its healing for me and my adoptive mother when I run into those situations. An adoptive mother could not have become a mother without another mother. Ask most of the adoptive mothers on this board, they will agree with that statement. If you love your child, you will honor your child's parents no matter who they are or how bad they are.

My son's scrapbook is filled with pictures o f his first families, favorite places, his birth and hospital stay, concert tickets for shows he attended in the womb, poems, song lyrics, and letters/quotes from various family members and friends.

They all wrote about how much they loved him and their hopes for his future, and their commitment to be there for him. There is really nothing about the "why", that's being saved for discussing in person.

As we have an open adoption, first dad always writes something in it when he visits...mostly about the fun he had during the visit and his feelings about DS's growth and accomplishments.

This is a treasure in our home, we did not throw it away nor do we keep it hidden. DS is 3 and has looked at it many times.

scrapbook adoptive baby birth mother

You can start even before you gave birth, if you have a pregnancy picture. Perhaps you have a picture of the place where you have been living, your town, your school, etc.

Do you have a picture of her with you? Do you have a copy of her birth certificate? You can get a copy from the Dept of Vital Records. The birth certificate will still be available to you as long as the adoption has not been finalized. It would be nice to include that with the scrapbook.

Any other documents you have would be good to include, as well.

It might be nice to include other family members pictures with the scrapbook also.

I would tell her something about the day she was born, what kind of day it was, everything that happened, what I remember, about her, about her birth, as it happened on that day of birth. I did this for my son.

I hope you have a way to stay in contact.

How sad for you and your baby.

Why not call off the adoption instead? I think if my mother had given me a scrapbook that she made filled with excuses about why she couldn't do the right thing, I'd be ticked as h*ll. And "can'tstop" is right--your kid won't likely see the book anyway. The adopters want you, and any reminders of you GONE.

Instead of keeping your head in the clouds and cutting up paper and photos, go find out how to do whatever it takes to get your kid back.

It doesn't get easier, my mother gave me up over 40 years ago, and it still affects her today.

Find your courage and do the right thing.

I actually think this is a nice idea. As an adoptive mom I treasure all of the things that my son's first mom has given to us/him. I save all the cards, letters and gifts for him. He knows that they are special. I certainly can't speak for all adoptive parents but that is how I feel about it.

Some potential ideas are...

- A family tree with pictures and info about family member (I would not include any family member who you think would not want to have their picture of info shared).

- Pictures about you. Things that would help the child to get a sense of who you are. Where you live what you like to do, your favorite foods, pets, etc.

- A letter explaining in very simple terms your reasons for choosing adoption

- A page about your daughter...anything you would want to share that would be appropriate for a child on your pregnancy, your thoughts about her when she was born, etc.

- Whatever you think is appropriate about the day she was born

I hope the adoptive family is appreciative of the thought and giving you are putting into this project and will share the scrapbook with your daughter. If you sense they are not you might want to consider keeping it for yourself for now and sharing it with her when you two hopefully meet again.

All the best and please take care of yourself. Adoption can be a tough road, even if it was done for all the right reasons.

The Secret Of Making Layouts That Look Like Works Of Art is Here….Introducing Your Very Own Online Training Class, Scrapbooking Ideas Monthly!...

Here's Why You'll LOVE Scrapbooking Ideas Monthly - http://bitly.com/Scrapbooking-Coach

*) You'll always get NEW layout ideas so you can finish that pile of photos FAST! (we'll teach you heritage layouts, minibooks, multiple and single photo laytouts, double page layouts and much more!)

*) You'll discover FRESH techniques and trends, so each page you make will be unique (you'll learn advanced techniques like inking and embossing, using gesso for texture and dimension, incorporating fabric on your page, advanced flower creation and much MUCH more!)

*) You'll access insider SECRETS that will make your scrapbooking EASIER and FASTER (hot tips on how to co-ordinate embellishments and paper, how to create your own pop dots to make your photos have extra dimension, how to use your existing stash for 'new looks, how to create amazing effects using household objects' etc.)

http://bitly.com/Scrapbooking-Coach

*) Have a constant supply of FRESH and exciting layout ideas!

*) Be able to start AND FINISH a layout FASTER than you ever dreamed possible….

*) Surprise yourself with your own STYLE and CREATIVITY!

*) Become a MASTER at using inks, embossing powders, gesso, fabric and many other techniques on your pages to add untold beauty!

*) Finally start to make considerable progress on that pile of photos…

*) Create layouts that reflect the MEMORIES of the photos you are trying to preserve!

*) and much MUCH more!

...If you could do those things you’d be PROUD of the layouts preserving your memories.

Source(s):

The Secret Of Making Layouts That Look Like Works Of Art is Here….Introducing Your Very Own Online Training Class, Scrapbooking Ideas Monthly!

http://bitly.com/Scrapbooking-Coach

Aw, first and foremost ((((hugs)))) and be kind to yourself. You have been through a lot. I think I stared at the walls for weeks afterwards just from the shock and silence.

I tried to do what you are suggesting and yes it was very healing to try and put to words in a scrapbook, but that being said I have to caution you...

I found the book a couple months ago (it has been 13 years) and the words and phrases I used were very naive, very much in denial and shock. I said things that reinforced the ideals that I clung to as for feeling like I did the right thing, and consequently are words that are unintendedly hurtful to the feelings of my son. He hasn't read this book yet, and I realize now that I have to add on now that I'm not so much in my shock and denial phases of grief what I've learned since then.

Like for example, I had a page filled with choosing to place him for adoption out of love. And how could he feel bad about being who he is with all this love. But now I know how confusing and hurtful it is suggest being given away is love.

Anyway, you need to document for *you* everything you remember about the birth and pregnancy. And then revisit in the years following to remember with that hindsight vision.

Tell her everything you can about you. Include pictures of yourself as a baby/child so she can compare herself to you as she grows. Let her know what your favorite things are. Tell her stories from your childhood, tell her about your family, your grandparents, uncles aunts cousins ect.

Tell her the story of how you met her dad. Tell her why you chose adoption for her. Tell her you will welcome a reunon if/when she ever wants one. Most importantly tell her you love her and always will

These are things I would have wanted fro my first mom

oh yeah and don't forget your family medical history