My girlfriend is leaving me with our 3 year old.?

For starters, that child can't go to Italy without a passport and if you have no dna paternity test that states you are the daddy, you won't be able to take her with you. Unless you get a court order permitting you to take her out of the country, this just won't happen. I suggest you consult a lawyer.

Now there is another issue here. You have your priorities wrong. You seem to think that an eight year old niece takes precedence over your own biological daughter. She doesn't. Your own daughter should come first. And frankly speaking, your daughter's life and health should come first. And if it doesn't, then you are not fit to take care of your niece or any other child!

As for your gf not wanting her daughter, she has experienced a violent rape and something cracked in her. Although she is getting counselling, it obviously isn't enough. She may need a psychiatrist or even be placed in an in-patient facility for treatment (and yes, it can take a long time to get past this). And until your gf is completely healed, she should not be left alone with the child she has rejected, much less be left in a position of responsibility over her.

Do you remember Andrea Yates? Well her husband made her take care of their children and she drowned all five of them. Texas charged her with murder but it got over turned. She is spending the rest of her life in a psychiatric facility (as she should be as she was nuts) but as far as I am concerned, that husband should have been charged too. There are five dead babies and if he had taken them out of his wife's care, they would be alive today!

I want you to understand something. If your girlfriend is not able to take care of your child, then you are legally responsible to care for her. And if you refuse to do so and insist on leaving the child in the care of her unfit mother when you know better, if anything happens to your daughter, the very least you could be charged with is NEGLECT! You will be held legally responsible if your gf hurts the child.

As for what you want, it doesn't matter. I want pigs to fly but that isn't going to happen either. You can want your gf to bond again with her child from here to kingdom come but you can't force it. And if you continue to do so unrealistically, you may be setting your daughter up for a tragedy.

Stop denying the reality of the situation. Accept the responsibility for your daughter. She is dependent on you and you cannot abandon your responsibility to her just so you take take on responsibility for someone else's child. Your child should come first.

Get a lawyer and go to court. Ask for sole custody based upon your gf's current unfitness (subpoena her counsellor's if necessary). Ask for supervised only visitation with the child's mother. And then don't leave the child alone with her mother. If you do, you could go to jail for neglect (or worse).

As for your niece, she is going to have to go into foster care temporarily until you get things set up so you can take your daughter with you to Italy. Remember, this is your daughter...your only daughter. She should come first before all your other relatives (except for a wife).

im so sorry your family had to experience this.

what she has been through is a nightmare, she is more than likely feeling very ashamed and guilty hurt and completely violated after what happened, which is normal after experiencing this. have you questioned her at all about why she wants to have your daughter go with you?

i personally feel it would be a good idea if it is possible, this isnt just something she asked in a temper etc as she is still adament that is what she wants to happen, perhaps she does need some time alone to think things over. maybe there is someone around her at home that can support her while you are away? if hasnt really wanted your daughter around since it happened perhaps it is a better idea to have your daughter go with you. it takes time, you cant force her mother to do something she does not want to do or isnt ready for. maybe she feels guilty her daughter ws in the house when it happened.

she will bond with her again....she was violently raped 10 MONTHS AGO. it takes alot more than 10 months to get over that. you need to give her time and sapce so she can think!

Rape is a hard thing to get over. As if that isn't bad enough, she was violated in her own home! The one place you are supposed to feel safe. It's great that y'all moved. But this does take time to recouperate from. 10 months isn't that long.

It took me alittle over a year to bounce back. I was 18, and it didn't happen in my own home, Thank God, had no boyfriend or child depending on me. That probably makes her feel that much more guilty and ashamed.

Perhaps you could take her to Italy with you? A complete change of scenery for all of you might be a good thing.

I know it has to be frustrating for you, but hang in there.

I'm so sorry =( What she went through must have been awful and completely life changing. When she holds her little girl she is probably thinking about that happening to her in the future (she doesn't think this on purpose, but as a mother and a rape victim it will probably cross her mind a lot), and naturally thinking about your daughter being raped will make you cry =( She might want you to take your daughter with you because she feels/knows she's not the same mother and wife and thinks your daughter deserves better. She may just need alone time. She may be having thoughts of hurting herself and wants to make sure her little girl is safe with her daddy.

Its impossible to know what's really going on because we don't know her or the whole situation, but it sounds like she needs a lot of help. Don't yell at her and get angry and call her crazy though. She is hurting right now and things like that take a really long time to get over... or rather deal with because you never quite get "over" something like that I'm sure. Just be there for her and be a loving husband and supportive (you sound like you've been doing great), and maybe research and look for different councilors who maybe specialize in rape victim cases.

I would be a little afraid to leave her alone by herself for that long, but it sounds like you have to so make sure you have a friend/family member constantly checking up on her frequently. Does she work? Maybe you can convince her to come with you as well? It might do you all some good to get away for a while as a family... maybe it will help.

Good luck with all of this, I hope everything turns out okay. Just be patient.

EDIT: If I were you I would definitely take your little girl with you. I know you want them to reconnect and it probably breaks your heart to see her push her away, but you can't force something like that, it takes tame. You wouldn't want to leave your daughter with someone who doesn't even want to tuck her in at night do you? Your daughter needs all the love she can get and right now, thats with you.

Okay I don't want to scare you but at the same time I do. She is crying out for help and these are the things people see in hindsight later after something bad happens. I would NOT trust her with your daughter. Not because I think she is a bad mother but because she is very mentally unstable right now. People who start giving away the things that mean most to them are giving out strong signs of being suicidal. When people give up sometimes they don't just kill themselves they kill their children or spouses. You need to take your daughter with you or concider having your neice sent to where you live instead of you moving. She sounds like she should go to an inpatient facility that monitors her for a couple months. Do you still live in the place where this occured? It might help to move out of that house, get an alarm system, whatever it takes. I agree with the doctors that this is all normal but it doesn't sound like they are doing a good job getting her healthy again.

I'm sorry. I was raped nearly 7 years ago and it resulted in pregnancy. I tried to kid myself I wasn't pregnant for so long that the only option was to have my babies (twins). All the way through the pregnancy, I was convinced I wouldn't love my children and I'd put them up for adoption. But the minute I saw them, I fell in love.

I know she's been to counselling but have you ever sat down with her and just talked about things? I know this sounds obvious but it helps victims of rape to talk about everything they've been through or to just talk about anything. Counselling never helped me but talking to loved ones really did. Perhaps you could talk about your daughter? I know you want her to bond with your daughter again but it is going to take time. Does your girlfriend have any close friends or maybe her parents that she could stay with?

I know you aren't going to want to hear this but please hear me out. I think you should take your daughter to Italy with you. Your girlfriend should be left with someone close to her and I think you should ring up every night so she can say goodnight to your daughter - whether she wants to or not. A little space may help her. They do say distance makes the heart grow fonder. If she's spending time away from you and your daughter, she'll remember how much you mean to her and how much she loves you.

You are doing everything right but she has to get there in her own time. I'm sorry but it does take time. Space may be the best thing for you all at the moment. I know it's hard but it make work.

try to see a different counselor. some are better than others. don't give up on anyone, including yourself. hard to give advice about this over the internet. you really need to talk to someone helpful in person. good luck.

and i'm sorry that happened and that you are going through this now.

Try not to take anyone's comments here too seriously. They don't know you and don't know the details of your situation like you do. Some people here can be pretty cold and quick to judge.

I know you are going to get sick of hearing this but you should go back to court. Eventually they will decide what to do with him. If you don't go every time he doesn't follow the court order though nothing will be done, you need to pursue this until the courts get tired of seeing you and finally do something about it. I feel sorry for your son that his father keeps introducing him to these ladies that aren't important enough for him to stay with people don't realize things like that affect kids.

To be totally honest with you, listen to her, take your daughter with you so she is safe. From the way it sounds she cannot deal with the responsibility of being a mom right now. Sure it sounds crazy to you after all she is the mother, but look back at some of those women who kill their children. I dont want to say she will kill her, but its not a safe idea to leave her alone with your daughter in her state of mind. Why did they not put her into a mental hospital? She needs more help than just talking to the counselor. In one of my psyc classes at NMU we went over something similar. The lady in our studies gave away a lot of her things, gave her kids to her x husband ect ect..she ended up killing herself. Please do everything you can to take your daughter with you, it may save her. In time maybe she will come around, but listen to her, she knows that she cannot be there for her daughter, she needs you to do it. Right now she feels powerless and knows that you are strong and trusts you right now. if you want to email me thats fine, please take care

The simple solution would be to go to Italy to bring your niece with you and your family.

I strongly suggest you not leave your wife and child for more than a couple of months after all that's happened. That's horrible.