I just found out I have an 8 year old daughter that I never knew about!! What should I do?

No need to explain yourself. It was in the past, everyone goes through their young stages of life and things happen. Some people on Yahoo! have no manners and are so judgmental.

Anyways, If it helps, a friend of the family is also going through the same situation. He is in his 40's and recently found out he has a 18 year old daughter. They are also Asian. The mother of his child was his ex-girlfriend that had moved promptly after they split up, to Texas. She never told him she was pregnant and did not find out until after she had moved. 18 years later, they move back from Texas and tell him the news! He was definitely shocked that he had not known all these years. The other problem was that he has a wife and 3 kids already!

If you don't have a family already, you're lucky! Imagine telling your wife you have a 18 year old daughter! =X Or even close friends and relatives! Crazy!

Anyways, his daughter works for him since he owns his own business and the twisted part is, his wife does not even know that is his daughter yet! So definitely do not do what he's doing and hide it! There's a difference between waiting for the right time and simply hiding it! It's been a couple months and I still don't know if she knows!

As to your situation, the first thing of course is to get a DNA test. If you're friends with Lisa, ask her in a polite way and don't demand it because that could jeopordize your reforming relationship with her and she might find it rude. OR you could take her word for it, but I have known people who have gone through their whole lives thinking their child is theirs and finding out differently many years later! Yikes!

If this 8 year old child is really yours, take care of her as if she has always been yours. She might be shy and a little against the idea, but give her time and she'll come around! Although, she did ask about you, so obviously she's curious! She is definitely still young and you won't miss out on anymore of her milestones that will come in her life! Also, make sure Lisa is okay with this. Talk with her and see what she wants you to do. Obviously, she does want you to be a part of your daughters life, otherwise she would've never contacted you.

Take things slowly and see how it goes. Ultimately, it is your choice on what you want to do. I think your daughter will be glad that you're in her life! Good Luck in whatever your decisions may be! =)

*Also, sorry for the long answer! I tend to ramble, a lot.

First of all I would make sure that the child is yours. Not to say anything about the girls mother, but do you really want to meet the child and both of you get attached to each other just to find out later that she is not yours. Lets be honest you knew her for 2 days and knew nothing about her life (whether she had a boyfriend or slept around )When offering to do a blood or dna test I would be very respectful and careful in how you say it, us women tend to be very sensitive about things like that. Just let the mother know that it is also in the child's best interest that you are all sure. Maybe there is a way that you can do this without the child knowing so that she doesn't get her hopes up or feel bad about the situation. If she is your then by all means I would go meet her and also try to work something out with the mother so that you and your child can begin to form a relationship. As far as money goes even though she doesn't need it you should still provide, you don't want to be a dead beat dad, do you? Maybe the mother doesn't want your money but you can always just buy your child things she needs like clothes or school supplies. I hope that everything works out for you and this child. and am glad that you seem to want to be a good father for this child.

You know about your child now so there is no excuse not to get to know her. But first get a DNA test to make she IS your child. When and if you find that she is, try to get to know her. I know it seems like you are too young to be "tied down" as most men feel when they have a kid but the last thing you would want to do is be 85 and dying and remembering you have a child out there that you knew about, but never cared to get to know. Also it is important for her to know about you and your family history not just for the sake of having a relationship with her father but if she were to ever get sick she would need to know medical histories. If it turns out she is your daughter, then she should meet your family too don't rob her of the experience of knowing her grandparents, aunts, and cousins. If you keep her a secret she will feel she has something to be ashamed of, which she doesn't.

You have the picture, the way to contact the mom, the knowledge that you might have a daughter so the ball is in your court now. Drive the hour and a half and go get a DNA test. If she is your kid the three of you should get to know each other better it will be hard to make up for lost time but you won't regret knowing your daughter. Remember, she didn't ask to be here you two were irresponsible don't make her pay for that by pretending you don't know her.

Also, if you have a girlfriend or wife at this time in your life, don't hide this from her because the conception was years before you even knew she(wife/gf) existed and you just found out this information so you have nothing to be ashamed or secretive about.

I know that it's painful for you. But, given the situation, I think you should not disrupt her upbringing. Talk to the Mom and her husband. Make a deal that you will not act on this if they promise that she will be told when she is 18. You could also ask for pictures once or twice a year. Then, if she wishes, she can have contact with you when she's grown.

Just because she's not wanting money, that doesn't mean you couldn't get hit with retroactive child support. If she were to get severely injured or sick, resulting in going on welfare, they would come after you for support all the way back to the birth of the child.

As a single man, you have NO ASSUMED RIGHTS to the child.

Watch this movie trailer about a single father

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids....

Get an order enter forcing a DNA test, unless one has already been done.

DO NOT PAY ANY KIND OF SUPPORT FOR THE CHILD UNTIL A DNA TEST IS DONE, AS IT ACKNOWLEDGES YOUR FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE CHILD.

Once you begin paying child support, regardless of whether you are the father or not, you can be required to continue paying.

If you are paying without a court order, it can be considered a gift, with you ordered to repay for the same time period, especially if she's on Welfare.

If one has not been done, go to the child support enforcement to setup a voluntary order. Wait for them to file against you will result in you paying all court costs of up to $5000

Take a certified parenting course. The court is going to order you to take it anyway, so by showing you’ve taken it only looks good to them.

Start keeping a daily journal of all you activities. The most common way to prevent a father from getting his rights through the courts is a false allegation. A daily journal is your number one piece of evidence in court and you can even refer to it while on the stand.

If you are being denied access, write her a letter notifying her of intent to exercise visitation on a specific date, like Saturday 10 AM to 6 PM. Sign it and make three copies. Mail the original Certified Mail and the other with Delivery Confirmation (75¢ + postage). If she rejects the one, she still receives the other. Whether the Certified Mail confirmation card or the Certified letter comes back, attach it unopened to a copy of the letter, plus a printout of the Delivery Confirmation from this web link.

http://www.usps.com/send/waystosendmail/extraservi...

When you file for visitation rights, take these documents to the County Courthouse. Have the Clerk of the Court notarize it and than place it in your case file. Do this three times before considering going to court. When you do go to court, the judge will these letters while preparing for the hearing.

When you show up to pick up the child(ren), bring witnesses. Do not enter her place alone. If you can record, have someone video record. Check the site below to see if it is illegal to record audio and/or video without the mother knowing. If her state does not have a law either way, than it defaults to the federal ruling, which says one person in a conversation, must know they are being recorded. THAT’S YOU!

http://www.rcfp.org/taping/

The court will order you into mediation, so take the lead first and suggest it to her. Instead of hiring attorneys, going to a mediator, you can hammer out an agreement. A mediator is an attorney or paralegal with certified training as a mediator. You each have to pay half the fees in order for the mediator to have the appearance of being unbiased.

If you and the mother are civil, consider Bird Nest Custody. In this the child lives in one home and each parent live there for 3-4 weeks, than switch. You live with friends, family, rent a room, etc. on the off time. In this manner, your child’s life is not disrupted. They are not being shifted back and forth. They keep their own room, friends, school, etc. It is hard on the parents, but than the child comes first. This is the form of custody rocker Ted Nugent had.

http://tinyurl.com/GiveKidsAChoice

If you want to learn how to do all this go to Dads House in Yahoo Groups. Upon joining, you will receive a link to an educational manual that can teach you what you need to know. Take the time to learn what you can and should do.

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/DadsHouse/

A couple of additional

http://www.fathersandfamilies.org/

http://www.parentalalienation.org/

Wow....cool, but it is a lot for you to take in I bet!

Tell Lisa that you believe her but you need to take a simple dna test just to be sure before you jump in with arms wide open. Have her send you a sample of her (your?) daughters *hair, toothbrush,etc* and have it tested to see if it matches yours. Or a simple blood test would do, but that might be traumatic for the child.

If she is truly yours....than:

Congratulations!

Yes, you should drive down and see your daughter asap.

This is shocking, but it is truly a blessing.

Enjoy every moment with her.

I think this is going to change your life for the better. :)

As far as finances, you dont' have to pay for the last 8 years, but if you want to you could contribute to college, etc. to ensure her future.

Wow another real live you....

Definately good news :)

First thing get a DNA test to make sure then go from there

I personally think that now that you know you need to be invloved and that means fincially and physically. She may not be asking for it but you need to give it. Yes it was a one night stand but that is your child and your responsiblity.

That child also has a right to know who her father is and your medical history

Well, she is your daughter. How would you feel if your dad didn't want you? It's not her fault. Please consider her feelings before throwing her away.

She's still your daughter no matter when you find out. Just because you find out when she's eight it doesn't make her any less your child and responsibility.

That little girl wants to belong to her dad, she desires it. Every child should at least have the right to both parents.

Contact her and go meet her. Get to know her and be a part of her life. Children only enrich our lives. It'll be awkward at first but then it'll get comfortable. You've already wasted 8 years, don't waste another day. Good luck!

i would first of all find out if she would be ok with getting a blood test done just to confirm that the baby is yours, but be nice about it dont want to offend her, then meet the kid and c how things go, get to know her and her mum of course, and c what arrangements can be made that both of you are happy with to keep the kid in your life if thats what you want