why when we lose someone we love ,sometimes or most of the time we cant belive he or she's gone?

I have always thought it is a measure of self comfort. A way of holding that person close to us, even though they are gone.

My dad died very suddenly 9 years ago. Sometimes I see a man who reminds me of him ~or looks the way I imagine he would look now. It makes me have a stupid daydream that he isn't really dead. That he just left his family & I was the one who was smart enough to figure it out ~yeah, dumb. But it's a way of imaging he is still around. I guess in my mind, being alive & leaving is better than being dead.

I don't think we ever forget that life is short. But losing a loved one is hard on many levels. I mean, of course it is difficult to permanently end a relationship ~ that in many cases is left unresolved. But it also forces us to face our own mortality. I guess, if we imagine a loved one still with us, in a way we are keeping them alive. The same way we may be kept alive some day.

Besides, death is the one aspect of life which is compeletly hopeless. I mean, no matter what obstacle you face in life, there is always *something* you can to do overcome the obstacle. No matter how small an effort may be, nothing is without hope. But death ~ well, no matter what you do or say or think or feel ~ that person is still dead.

I don't know... maybe going off on a tangent here ;) It sounds as if you are struggling with a recent loss. My thoughts go out to you.