Catholics and Mormons: Religion difference in a Relationship!?

As a Catholic, I don't know much about the Mormon religion. You probably know more, since your BF is one. I know the Catholic church unfortunately classifies them as a fringe group of Christianity, almost a cult.

As for the Catholic church..... you MAY marry in the church if you get a dispensation from the Bishop.

The local Parrish will assist you with this, so you don't have to meet the Bishop yourself.

Basically, you will need to take Marriage Preparation classes thru the Catholic church.

During this process, they want you to re-affirm your faith and ensure that the two of you have at least discussed some very basic things and agree on stuff.

They will also want to make sure that you don't just want to use the Church as a pretty backdrop for your wedding pictures..which is the purpose of re-affirming your faith.

The important part comes in the 2 of you figuring out how you are going to handle faith differences in regards to children.

As the Catholic party, you will need to sign a document pledging to raise the kids Catholic.. to the best of your ability. You do this in the presence of your fiance, though he doesn't have to sign anything. The ASSUMPTION of the church is that by both of you discussing it ahead of time and signing the document in front of him... hopefully he won't tru to actively sabotage your efforts.

The Catholic church doesn't want an inter-faith marriage to be an excuse to simply NOT share your faith with them. That wouldn't be fair to the kids.

However, they ALSO don't expect your spouse to be quiet and not share his faith with them either. So they fully expect the 2 of you to balance things.

The document is sent off to the Bishop and he signs off on it and VOILA!, you have the Church's permission to marry in the church.

However, by marrying in the church and getting its blessing.. you then can't use your faith differences as a ground for an anullment or a "lack of form" dissolvement of the marriage, down the road.

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Personally,

Inter-faith marriages are HARD. Especially if BOTH of you are devout.

Your children will also have a hard time understanding WHO is right..mommy or daddy. They can't BOTH be right, because if they were, then they'd believe the same thing.

So, realize your kids will have a greater chance of getting frustrated and simply concluding that it doesn't matter at all and being agnostic or being a non-practicing Christian.

Differences in faith are still one of the most common reasons for Divorce. With divorce rates hovering around 50%, Interfaith differences will only increase the stress on your marriage.

I know this first hand as I am Catholic, and my wife is Baptist. We've been married 12 years now, but it is STILL tough to talk about our differences. We finally agreed to split our time between the Catholic church and her Baptist church and to basically focus ONLY on what we have in common and not discuss the differences much, at all.

Still hard though to realize you and your spouse have some major differences on how they see things. It is natural to want to be "ONE" with your spouse spiritually..so differences can be painful to bear.

You may "love" the person...but that doesn't always mean we should marry them. You can have a genuine affection, a respect, a friendship and some intimacy, without it leading to marriage. Sometimes it is better to cut things off, as painful as that may be, before you get engaged.

That's up to YOU to decide, but don't think it will be all rose petals and sunny days.

The biggest problems in any marriage are the following:

1. Cultural differences stemming from growing up in a different country where family life is different

2. Parental influence where one or the other's parents "run things" and the couple isn't strong enough to tell them to "bug off"

3. Religious differences where both people are strong-willed and want the other to convert.

4. Individual habits and self-centered interests of one or both.

5. Communication (lack thereof between the couple)

6. Finances

Not necessarily in the above order.

In both of your cases it appears that your parents recognize that religion can play a role in your future happiness (or lack thereof) and are suggesting (why can't you / why don't you) that you may want to look elsewhere.

While your dad is expressing a certain amount of ignorance about Mormonism (which is common, by the way, because of all the misinformation about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints), don't ever reject the idea that one or the other of you might convert to the other's faith/path. Or, for that matter, some other path, together.

However, the real problems that come up are with the kids and that's where the "strong willed" nature comes to play. Talk to your boyfriend about children and how he would want them raised - in which religion - but before you do, would you be willing to _let_ your children be raised in the LDS (Mormon) Church? If he doesn't care, then you probably won't have to deal with any great problems, unless, and this is always a possibility, he becomes committed to his religion. The same holds for you.

Culturally, it sounds like there's no problem. From your future in-laws attitudes it appears that might be a problem but that can be resolved by immediately (following your marriage) moving to another town or away to college where running home to one's parents is out of the question.

There is a lot to marriage and it isn't easy, no matter how you look at it. Any differences can help break up what would otherwise be a good marriage.

So keep the communication channels open between the two of you and keep this in mind: if it looks like there are going to be differences that cannot be worked out before you are married, then it will be better to break off the relationship before it becomes a serious commitment..

What really matters is how you two feel about it. If it's not a big deal to you, then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

My best friend, raised in an Irish Catholic home, fell in love with a Jewish guy whose parents had been in concentration camps as children. Neither family was happy, to say the least, about their relationship. In fact, his whole family boycotted the wedding and were always pretty horrible to my friend.

Their 3 daughters were raised with exposure to both religions, but were not formally taught in either--and, frankly, there's not much religion in the home except for celebration of certain holidays: Christmas, Passover, Easter, Hanukkah, and when their girls were young, they went to the Jewish grandparents for the high holidays (Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur). My friend wasn't particularly welcome and would stay home at those times. They lived a few hundred miles away.

On June 5th my friend and her husband celebrated their 33rd wedding anniversary, so, yes, this can work, despite strong opposition from the families.

If you and/or your boyfriend feel very strongly about your own religion, that could cause some problems.

I find your emphatic statement about conversion a bit troubling, not that you should convert if you don't want to--but is your boyfriend suggesting that you do? If so, I think that's a huge problem. It also sounded a bit insulting to Mormons, asking them not to take offense, like, "I would never convert to your crummy religion."

Why do you CARE what other people think, whether it be your family and least of all any us! Ultimately, you do what is right for YOU. It's your life to live and if you two make each other happy, why would religion get in the way? Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't most religions boil down to love, compassion, etc etc. Coming from two religious backround I am sure will complicate things in some aspects, but if the relationship is worth it, you will make it so.

To marry someone you should love them AND be compatible with them. Hollywood seems to ignore the latter.

Sure you can get married, but think through:

Where you send your kids to church.

Where they get baptized

what happens when he starts teaching your boys to serve a 2 year LDS mission

What happens when money is tight and he's giving 10% of his income to the church?

What happens when he wants to pray one way with your kids and you want to pray another.

There is a lot more to a marriage than love. The LDS church strongly encourages it's members to date and marry other LDS members. When they do so and get married in the temple the divorce rate is only about 8%. When they marry outside of their faith it is about 45%. Clearly, we can all make our own decisions, but once we have made the decision, we may not be able to choose the consequences.

FYI, most Mormons are "nice Christian boys".

I am a black atheist and married a white Mormon girl. We were married for 23 years and had three great children. The divorce was not ever about religion or the lack there of and most of our married life was wonderful. She eventually converted to Catholicism, but I remained a heathen. You are people, get over it!

Taoist/Atheist

The Bible says we should equally yoked. Since the Bible tells us that divorce isn't good, we should really think about these things seriously before getting married. What about children? Have you thought about how you would decide which church they would attend? If you would have a problem with them attending the Mormon church, I would suggest you find someone that can share you religious views.

It is possible to marry one another. As long as you set up how you're going to deal with the questions that the kiddos will have about what they believe. Keep Jesus at the Center and you shouldn't have too many difficulties. In the end the kids will choose for themselves.

Its the choice between "Till death do you part" (Catholic), or "Marriage for time and eternity" (Mormons).

If both of you are not strong believers on either one, then there should not be a conflict.

On the other hand, if either of you are strong believers, then conflicts is unavoidable.

Neither of you should have to compromise your beliefs just to be with one another. And it seems like the only people suggesting you should are your parents. If you're happy with one another and can each maintain your own beliefs without bumping heads too often, then don't worry about it.