Can I masturbate (with dildo) to take edge off low sex relationship?

Question

My boyfriend of 3 months is very loving, always telling me he loves me, kissing me, cuddling all night. We spend a lot of time together and we talk about our future, like marriage. We even talked about having a baby before it's too late -- he's 30 and I'm 41 -- which I don't see how we're gonna do if we don't have enuf sex. And now he's resistant to that because he claims he's concerned about me puttin myself at risk. I don't think he's gay or cheating, but his sex drive is much, much lower than mine. I didn't discover this until about a month into things, but I feel a little misled cause the way we met, let's just say, was under sexual circumstances. He has since confided that he's always had a low sex drive and he was initially having more sex but that was not normal for him, that if sex it's done too much it's not special. He is also stressed a lot due to work, or lack of his desired career/money. He's working on making things better, but he sometimes seems depressed. He wants to be a police officer and he's had a few interviews/written tests lately, waiting on test results. He'll pass the physical with no problem. I do what I can to cheer him up, he has no problems getting erections and when we have sex it's great, but he doesn't initiate it and hasn't performed oral on me lately. He told me he was in a relationship for 4 years and didn't have sex (but she cheated on him). Other than this, our relationship is great, he's a single dad whose very loving towards me and my kids (I'm a single mom). What little money he has he tries to do things with me alone and with me and the kids, he's smart, we laugh, and like I said he'll hold me all nite. Can I masturbate with a dildo (my preferred method) those times I'm frustrated with him and then cuddle with him? Will that help me keep this otherwise wonderful man, or am I fooling myself that we can have a healthy relationship?

Update:

I was married, I'm divorced. I look and act a lot younger than my age, and apparently you act younger than your age also.

? · Accepted Answer

there is nothing wrong with wanting to pleasure yourself and it is normal for one partner to have a higher sexual "urge" i think is the word i am looking for.

i would do the same, i doesnt mean that you dont care about him or that there is anything wrong with your relationship at all

x

GeorgieGuy · Answer

Hi DMC,
While masturbation is a natural activity and can be incorporated into a couple's sex life, when it's being used INSTEAD of sexual relations or to cover up sexual dissatisfaction, you should beware.  The intensity of our sex drives vary with each individual but a 30-year old male with a low sex drive should consider a medical evaluation to rule out biological causes.  Clinical depression is also often associated with low libido in both males and females.  That's worth investigating.  Next you'll want to explore possible environmental and historical factors that might be causing your bf to have a low sex drive.  For example, did he come from a family with sexual dysfunctions?  After all those bases are touched you might consider adjusting to his level of sexual interest via masturbation.  But I'd want to rule out other factors first.  Only you can decide whether your bf is worth taking the steps I've outlined.  Best wishes.

Anonymous · Answer

If you guys are that tight as a couple why don't you sit down and talk things out. Sex is high on the list for most people. He might get into watching you masturbate and it may fire him back up. Its worth a try because if you can't have your sex drive the way you want and be happy you need to move on. It's you life don't let the rest of your years slip by not being 110% happy.

Anonymous · Answer

Relationships should just revolve around the sex life. Although it may be lacking, as long as you guys have sex from time to time, its ok. In the mean time, satisfy yourself with a dildo if thats what you like.

Anonymous · Answer

First his very stressed and he needs to just relax by doing that leave him alone let him watch with your toy. Is not wrong to use your play-toy is not cheating or you can do a porn a thong day and what porn together maybe that will help him o loads of Viagra too.

John B. · Answer

i don't see why not if you think it will be a problem ask him. Also a women's sex drive is at its peak when she hits around 38 so just let him know about your needs and when he is not to stressed from work i'm sure he will at least try to fulfill them

Anonymous · Answer

please don't do it,  if he is already depressed and have problems cause his ex cheated when he sees that big dildo his self esteem is going to go right out the window.  he needs to see a counselor and just talk about whats going on.  i did and it helped me with all my problems.  you can even go with him for support.  he may need something for depression.  i have depression and 1 little pill saved my relationship

Helper · Answer

it is ur choice.
yes if u wanna have se than u can have with a man.
but if he is not interested in sex.
go for whatever u want like dildo.

but this man is caring,  he wanna do something in life and want to be stable in life so can his family live hapily and proudly.

if u wanna have sex go for dido.don go with other man because this man is best for u.

if u like my answer or not happy with it mail me to jayant_cahahat@yahoo.co.in

Anonymous · Answer

If you find the time to sneak away...:P He might be offended if he hears the vibration in the bathroom! 

Talk to him too, tell him you want to have sex.!

L. Choi · Answer

Well, make the move first

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Can I masturbate (with dildo) to take edge off low sex relationship?

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