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? asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 decade ago

Can you tell me what you think of this poem?

The night is silent, only the sound of my thoughts racing through my mind. The air is hot, and sticky. Bugs surround our bodies, clinging to our sweat, feeding on our flesh. We don't notice.

We are in love.

Cars drive by, not noticing. The grass stirs in a warm breeze, and tickles my neck. You turn your head towards me, I turn mine away. This night is our last chance. I lift my left arm. The scars reflect the light radiating from the porch. You take my hand, pulling my arm toward you. You do it. It feels good. I relish in the pain.

You lift your right arm. I take your hand, pulling your arm toward me. I take the silver, and pull it across the exposed flesh. You moan, enjoying the sting, and the throb. We hold hands, our blood pouring, and mixing. It stains the grass, our arms, our shirts. We don't notice.

We are in love.

We are dying

Update:

Actually, this poem reflects one of my memories from a year ago when I attempted to kill myself with my best friend. So, if you think it sounds "emo", or pathetic, then don't comment because that just hurts me even more. You guys have no idea how hard it was for me to write this, let alone post it on here for your opinions. I respect your opinions, just don't make mean comments, please.

3 Answers

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  • Favorite Answer

    Very Descriptive.

    I like it.

  • 1 decade ago

    It makes me shiver and want to cover my arms up. It's really creepy and disturbing, but you got a reaction out of me. It's an ok poem, its alright. The only thing I could think to really make it better is being a little more fluent. I mean " you life your arm, i lift my arm, you do it, it feels good." try and use a bigger variety of language. The images you use in the first paragraph are really good, "bugs surround our bodies, clinging to our swear, feeding on our flesh" go more like that, because even though it's disturbing, it's a good image. Disturbingly good though.

  • 1 decade ago

    i think that your poem is stupid.I think its gross and it sounds like some weird emo person wrote it.

    Source(s): GAY!
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