Will you please comment on this one...?

I think it beautifully expresses that feeling the poet has when sharing their work with another. The work is a piece of you from deep within, & sometimes fear can quiet that voice that wants to express what the heart so deeply knows & feels, but it feels sometimes like you have laid your soul out for all to see. It is a very vulnerable & exposed feeling!

Well done!

Blessings!

Quieted

always

quieted

my words ricochet off the back walls of thought

like silver bullets piercing into the chaos wounding self expression and killing the art with a silent tongue

quieted

always

quieted

fearful that those watchful will criticize what another heart desires

gnawing

I feel it

gnawing

at the back of my throat like a dry cough it clutches and remains

stuck in the barrel

indecisive

finger on the trigger

quieted

always quieted...

i dont know why your own words are wounding your abillity to express yourself. that doesnt make sense.

Hi. It sounds like the devil contemplating his eventual destruction.

His finger on the trigger of hope

quieted always quieted.

my words

ricochet

off the back walls

of thought

those

watchful will criticize

what another

heart desires

Quieted

always quieted.

It is clear that you know the answer to Erin's question. The entire poem is an answer to Erin's question, but I think she understands without wanting to understand. We all know some things about ourselves that are dangerous to say aloud. Truth unspoken can be denied, but once it is out there it has power beyond our control.

Another thing Erin does supports this. Her re-arrangement actually creates a greater clarity than the original. But that's not what you wanted. The original form presents more room for interpretation. Your form helps hide the truth in plain sight. And, of course, your way heightens the emotional intensity - there's more anxiety, even fear with the original. But kudos to her. She helped me to understand your work much better.

The words

The words they seem to run

Run between shadows

of flickering

of dancing

of sparkling light

wrapped in blankets

of darkness

Never knowing

the touch

Never seeing

the world

reaching

always reaching

for the unreachable

only feel-able

And the silence

screaming symbols

says...

I

Like

Your

Words

MP

I love it. I can feel the finger on the trigger. The character is crushed under the weight of soft thoughts and burning desires.

My cat's call is Joan. once I moved into my abode the carport storage door replaced into open. I closed it. numerous days later i spotted a scent. I opened the door and there have been 5 lifeless kittens interior. once I rotated there replaced right into a black cat at my ft. I promised that if she had yet another muddle i could safeguard them. She had yet another muddle. All yet one walked off into the wooded area (next to my abode), all excep one that stayed. She remains with me right this moment. She is now +/- 22 years previous in human words. purely a passing concept

pull the trigger...repeatedly

the sayers sat silent

wounded by their wrong

unaware, that

in the slaughter

they had created

their downfall

the single word "trigger" and about being so much ready to end the "quietness".... wonderful :)

amir

Watch out for those ricocheting words!!

Them suckers can be dangerous!!

Nice to see ya!