Starting a band, need opinions on my lyrics! Please metalheads answer!?

Candle/ candles in the moonlight/ candles/candles bright/ candles light in the moonlit night!/ Candles!/ Candles in the night!/ we/ we gather to day/ our eyes on the altar we sing and sway./ Candles!/ Candles in the night!/ we/ we remember,/ we remember our fallen brother's might!/ Candles!/ Candles in the night!/ Candles!/ Candles in the night!/ You can see us in our motley crew/ Candles!/ Candles in he night!/ YOU can hear our voice that''s ragged but true!/ Candles!/ Candles in the night!/ Candles in the night!/ candles in the night!/ (slower) Brothers/ fallen Brothers./ Fallen brothers have a place on the stage in the sky!/ (tempo 1) Candles!/ Candles in the night! (last line x5 with gradual decrescendo)

Please note: the slash marks are phrasing marks to show the lines and pauses.