My life has just been a big mess. I want my son back.!!?

This is a long story but i need to get it out.

I dont talk to alot of people about how i feel and i build my self up so much i just hit a deep depression and hide away from the outside world.

When i was pregnant with my son around 3 and a half years ago i got with a lad i went out with at school. My babys dad isnt on the scene and never has been. When i had my little boy i went through a domestic violence relationship and i was nearly killed. I went to the doctors as i was concerned about the big lump i had on my face from being hit with a baseball bat. I lied to my doctor how it happend and his words was to me 'get out of the relationship or it will be my job to contact social services'. The last thing i wanted to do was have my son taken away from me so i got up and made out i was visiting my family in Blackpool which is where i went. I never returned to that relationship but because i left my parents got the trouble and had there house windows smashed and car tires slashed and windows broken. I feel guilty for leaving my parents to have to go through that espcially when my mum has two babies which at the time were only 2 and 3 years old.

After the phone call of telling my ex i wasnt returning was a living hell, the threatened to kill my nan and my family and my nan was so scared she was making any excuse to kick me and my son out. In the end me and my son got kicked out and i went to live with a friend. I hit a big deep depression and i dint dare go nowhere, i cried every day i lost so much weight through going through so much all at once. My nan could see i was struggling to bring up my son so she asked my mum if she would look after my son till i got myself sorted again and my mum said yes, Although 2 weeks later my son was back up Blackpool with me as my mum found it hard to bring 3 babies up so my Uncle stepped in and told me that he would look after my son till i got myself sorted. I played a big role in my sons life even though i was finding it hard to live my own life through depression. I got my own place but i still wasnt recovered from my depression but my Nan and my Uncle reassured me over and over that i would be aloud my son back when i get myself back on my feet. I got moved again as my other place was only a temp accomodation. I got myself onto Anti depressants and i started to built my life back up though in the mean time like i said before i was still playing a big role in my sons life. I asked my uncle if i was allowed to have my son back and he said no i wasnt ready. I cried to my nan and she said ' how can you want to take your son back after what your uncles done for you' . They all made me feel so small and alls i wanted to do is make up for not being the best mum for my son when he needed me the most. I moved in with my uncle for abit so i could be with my son Everyday all day and then it came to 2007 and my uncle met a new girl (they went out with each other through school years.) Thet reunited through facebook, she left her ex husband for my uncle and she already had 4 kids of her own. Around that time uncle kicked me out of his home and i went to go back to my own property. From then on he has made it so awkward and impossible for me to see my son. He has always wanted a family life and now he has that with his girlfriend his trying to push me out the scene and i feel like i was intruding in his life yet he had my son.

Last year January 2008 i got raped my a friend i new for years from school, he came upto visit me and he took advantage of the fact i was paraletic. I blame myself for that night iv never lived it down. I met my boyfriend in the December 2007 and when i told him he told me it was my fault. He stayed with me and in the March i found out i was pregnant. My ex boyfriend was 16 years older than me but i felt like i needed love and anyone would of done at that time. My ex was an alcoholic and he started to become violent with me whilst i was pregnant and he forced me into sexual activities i dint want to do. I got up and left that relationship when i was 22 weeks pregnant and the police had to get me out of his house as i was in a bad way. I went to live with my Nan for abit and she started to become very controlling over me and she bullied me whilst i was pregnant and i was about 4-3 weeks from having my little girl and my nan had me slaving for her all the time. It was 3 weeks before i had my daughter and i noticed i was having dripping water coming down my legs and my nan told me id be fine it was nothing. At this stage of my pregnancy i was finding it so hard to walk as my babys head was so far down it hurt when i walked. My Nan used to get me up at early hours in the morning to make her cups of teas and to walk her dog. My Nan wasnt and still isn't a invilid but she has always been used to everyone slaving for her as such as her husband now. I got told to go to the hospital and i begged my nan to take me but she wouldnt an