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John D
Lv 4
John D asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 decade ago

New poem for comment and critique. Something for the ride home?

Summer at Six

Rushing to the train

In sticky clothes, vision fogs.

The pressure falling

Like the sun and the smell of

Damp earth and brickworks

Breathing across the plaza.

Still and still only,

A few, precious, cool drops squeeze

From summer’s clenched fist

To moisten my lips.

Update:

lol. Popsy, you are naughty.

5 Answers

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  • :)(:
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Very nice poem. Your vivid description is in our vision.

    I'm also clenched in this summer, squeezing through

  • 1 decade ago

    This poem really works well, I'm not sure why you haven't received as many answers - maybe its the time you posted it? To me it's not really trying to convey a message but a mood - which works reeally well

    I love the description and the subtle rhyming

    an excellent write

    you def have skill - embrace and work on it : )

    Source(s): could you check out my profile and comment on one of the open poems please?
  • mmmm those precious squeezed drops...

  • 1 decade ago

    Really heart touching... :)

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  • 1 decade ago

    Good...

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