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New poem for comment and critique. Something for the ride home?
Summer at Six
Rushing to the train
In sticky clothes, vision fogs.
The pressure falling
Like the sun and the smell of
Damp earth and brickworks
Breathing across the plaza.
Still and still only,
A few, precious, cool drops squeeze
From summer’s clenched fist
To moisten my lips.
lol. Popsy, you are naughty.
5 Answers
- :)(:Lv 51 decade agoFavorite Answer
Very nice poem. Your vivid description is in our vision.
I'm also clenched in this summer, squeezing through
- AwkwardLv 51 decade ago
This poem really works well, I'm not sure why you haven't received as many answers - maybe its the time you posted it? To me it's not really trying to convey a message but a mood - which works reeally well
I love the description and the subtle rhyming
an excellent write
you def have skill - embrace and work on it : )
Source(s): could you check out my profile and comment on one of the open poems please? - How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
