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Please comment on or critique this poem?
Desktop Daymare
“Pčela tko brujanje, te nikada postati pospan?”
~ Vrinhōd Ghajuċ
A nine hour day is not so long
unless the write is going wrong.
My brain may freeze a beat or two.
Computer screams in royal blue,
“Error!” In a minor key,
the sad, sad song she sings to me:
no quiet moment in my head,
the chatter of the breathing dead
fills every way with any means
-and rattles in my waking dreams.
I meant 'write,' shnizzle. Basically, it's about getting stuck in a difficult writing assignment at work and daydreaming about doing something -anything, else (and knowing you can't).
Thanks, Awkward!
Useful tips, Flying High, thanks.
15 Answers
- AwkwardLv 51 decade agoFavorite Answer
no quiet moment in my head,
the chatter of the breathing dead
fills every way with any means
-and rattles in my waking dreams...
I fell in love
this is def my favorite by you
haha, love the "Error!"
excellent write :D
- Anonymous5 years ago
It's marvelous. Be the poem so, might or not it's as candy? Erased like as come the summer season, and prefer as be the iciness. Winds and partners come and cross, winds like so linger. Directed each and every fall.
- 1 decade ago
WHEN IT GET TO THE POINT OF ERROR ERROR STOP, CLOSE YOUR EYES AND PUT YOUR ARMS DOWN AND RELAX. TAKE IN TWO FIVE SECONDS OF SLOW DEEP BREATHS AND FIVE SECONDS EXHALE. THAT WILL RELAX YOU. OR YOU CAN TAKE TWO AND PASS. DID YOU SMILE. IF SO, IT'S WORKING AS READ THIS. YOUR POEM SPEEK THE TRUTH . TO THE POINT IT WAS EASY TO READ AND I COULD VISUALIZE AS I READ. GOOD JOB. I GO THERE ONCE A WEEK. THAT'S WHY I GO TO THE GYM THREE TIMES A WEEK. DID YOU SMILE AGIN ? I'M JUST SAYING.
Source(s): YOU CAN ALAWAYS TAKE A WALK AROUND THE BLOCK ONE TIME. FRESH AIR HELPS. SOMETIME WE DON'T LISTEN TO THE WARNINGS OUR BODY GIVE US. OUR BLOOD SUGAR IS LOW. ONE OF RESONE FOR FATEAGA. DRINK 6-8 GLASSES OF WATER DAILY. AND STAY AWAY FROM SUGAR!! IT'S NOT GOOD FOR US. I KNOW THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME YOU READ OR HEARD THIS FROM SOMEONE. I'M JUST TRYING TO SAVE THE WORLD , ONE PERSON AT A TIME. I'M JUST SAYING. - How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
It's alright but you spelt right 'write'
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Very beautiful!
That's all I can say. Nicely written. =]
- MalkiinLv 51 decade ago
i just don't like how you have to think so hard to understand but maybe im just stupid other than that it's good.
