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Computer hacking preventive advice?

I have someone who is wanting to secretively access my laptop. They are hoping to find signs of online chatting. This morning I turned on my computer to run my various scans and found that this persons pc was trying to access my computer through Windows Media. I denyed the access as I was given the option but I'm very upset about this. If anyone knows, please tell me...is it possible for someone to do this? I have no privacy. Can past deleted chats through any of the instant messaging sites like yahoo, google or msn chat or even the chats with friends through other sites like Facebook and Myspace be dug up? What can I do to protect my privacy and prevent this person from invading my privacy anymore?

Update:

Yes, it is a family member trying to break in. As I already stated, they're not looking for music...they're looking for chats that have been deleted...is it possible to access that?

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