Is any International Adoptee happy?

I'm happy. I have a good life.

I hate feeling loss. I hate feeling as though I was not good enough for my natural family. I hate missing them. I hate feeling singled out and different. I hate not feeling like I belong in any culture.

I cried this year on mother's day because I missed my first mom. I cried on my birthday because I missed her.

But I'm not unhappy with my life.

I am not unhappy with my adoptive life.

I am unhappy at what caused my adoption to have to occur. I am unhappy upon learning about my sibling(s) who were kept and how sad my mother was upon surrendering me.

I am unhappy that separation has to occur so that adoption may take place.

I am actually an adult adoptee living IN my birth country and with biological family. Not knowing the language frustrates me. I can't have a real conversation. I can't ask for directions. I can't find food unless there are pictures, pinyin, or it's laid out in vendors. I'm probably missing over half the really interesting stuff because I'm "locked out" from the menus.

Classes are not enough. Phrasebooks are virtually useless. Having an in-person translator would have been nice - but would *you* honestly want to have a third party always having to communicate 24/7 because you can't understand?

You can't "give them" their culture. You cannot give it to them as it is practised in xyz culture. You just can't. Language classes will NOT make them fluent - the most it will do is give them basic survival abilities. I have rarely learned anything much in classes that has helped me to talk with the locals - it's much more efficent to learn casual native talk online or by CDs.

Silky clothes are not culture. Dragon dances are not really culture. That is old culture, not mainstream. It is offered through a Western lens and therefore distorted.

When - if - your children ever decide to return, they need to know mainstream culture. Language is culture. Food is culture.

In other words, the only way to truly help them understand their culture is to go back and live it for a span of time.

ETA: "I personally think it is INCREDIBLY ungrateful for adoptees to bash their adopted parents when they could easily be living a horrible, poverty stricken life in a third world country."

China, Taiwan and Korea aren't even third world countries. True, they aren't first world either, but that doesn't mean they're third-world sh1tholes.

I wouldn't have grown up in poverty. I would have been loved and well-cared for. How do I know this? Because I'm LIVING at the house where my family resides! And no, I wouldn't have been abused/neglected - my parents raised other children.

So why was I adopted, you ask? Because of lack of resources. Because no one wanted to help without bringing adoption into the equation. Because no one cared enough to ask the whys.

No adoptee should be grateful simply for receiving what any human being has a right to - food, clothing, and love.

Everyone needs to stop being so damn cynical. I personally think it is INCREDIBLY ungrateful for adoptees to bash their adopted parents when they could easily be living a horrible, poverty stricken life in a third world country.

My brother (who is black) was adopted from Brazil when he was 5 months old by my family (who is white & from NYC). I myself am a biological daughter of my parents, but it never feels like my bro is "different" in any way. As far as I'm concerned my brother's blood runs through my veins. He is part of our family no matter WHAT some insignificant DNA says.

Some people would be aghast at the potential challenges facing an inter-racial, international adoption. However, my brother has never once felt "robbed" of his heritage. In fact, it is quite the contrary: he we take annual trips to Brazil to help his cultural roots stay fresh--and it works. He feels Brazilian AND American, but he always tells me that there is no one in the world he loves more then our parents/family and the US. He has a passionate patriotism for the US while simultaneously having a profound connection, respect, and love of Brazil & its rich culture.

NO ONE SHOULD EVER DETER ANYONE FROM ADOPTION. It is a beautiful process. You are helping a child that is desperately in need of a loving home & family. International adoption has a particular place in my heart. It isn't about culture or race or any of that--its about helping a child from less fortunate means. But if you do internationally adopt do not isolate the child from their birth country/culture: it is important to integrate it into their lives as much as possible (with trips, etc).

Instead of potential adoptive parents always asking us these questions, I would like them to ask themselves the following question:

Why international?

For every argument I have heard from potential adoptive parents, there is always an analogous local child under similar situations that needs a home. Right in their own backyards.

Last week I was in Seoul having dinner with friends and some English teacher acquaintances of theirs. The subject of my adoption became apparent when I wanted to order some rice wine, but didn't know how to pronounce it. I clearly wasn't a normal Korean, though I appear as Korean as anybody else.

“ooooooohh! (she squealed) You’re ADOPTED?!!!!”

“I want to adopt a Korean kid one day! Maybe in a couple years…I’m gonna GET ONE!”

Now, this girl is an American English teacher. She sees Korean children every day. She works in one of the most developed, fast-paced, technologically advanced places in Korea – think Times Square in Manhattan – she teaches children who probably have maids – and whose parents paid an exorbitant sum to expose their children to a global village and to make them appear more cosmopolitan.

Yet despite this, here she was still coveting Asians as collectible objects, while at the same time devaluing them as a lesser race than Caucasians – less enough that they can be rationalized to acquire by any means. I mean, think about it – she wouldn’t have said that to a white American about white children, would she?

I really think everyone needs to explore the true reason why they choose international adoption.

And I must say, it was traumatic for me to still hear and experience this kind of attitude. It isn't any easier now than it was back when I was six years old, growing up in America

"I'm gonna get one."

And people wonder why we have identity issues. We aren't even thought of as humans much of the time...

ADDED: btw, Calilove, the question was directed at adoptees, not people speaking for adoptees. Let your brother speak for himself after he's an adult and processed this experience better.

ahh it depends really on the day if im happy or not i agree if you do adopt learn their language have information on biological parents just in case they search for them like me i have pretty much no information

if you are going to adopt make sure you are of a sane mind also realize if you adopt the child could have alot of issues serious issues from mental to lots of other issues so dont expect the" perfect child"

i was given up from my first mother then given up to orphanage then given up by adopted mother to another home because of problems then taken back by adopted mother and sent to group home to another group home and now on my own