I live with my disabled mom and we need help!?

The discharge planner (social worker) at the rehab facility where she is can help you line everything up, including getting you caregiver benefits paid to you by your county.

Your mom should be doing far more for herself than she is, including fixing meals, driving herself to and from work (there are adaptive devices available that would allow her to drive), laundry, other housework, being independent in toileting, dressing, bathing, and even taking care of her dogs. The occupational therapist where she is should be providing help that teaches her how to be independent even in a wheelchair. It is not impossible for her to be able to do everything independently, particularly at her age. Hell, I've seen people who are bilateral above-the-knee amputees (from diabetes, no less) at least 10 years older than your mom live completely independently.

Once your mom is discharged home, an occupational therapist can provide home-health services and teach your mom how to manage working around her own house and doing all the tasks needed in order to live independently..Adaptive equipment, such as grab bars, reachers, and bed rails can be provided, and your mom can learn to use them. If she had had a reacher, she most likely would have never fallen from her chair and injured herself.

Sometimes patients and their caregivers need to be realistic. It sounds to me that neither your mom, nor you, is being the slightest bit realistic. Doctors are not social workers, and it isn't in their scope of practice to set up services like what you and your mom need.

She would not qualify for disability; she's working full-time and has demonstrated that whatever physical problems she has don't prevent her from doing so.

Your life has been put on hold, which is highly unfair to you, and your mom has been using you for a slave when she could very well do everything for herself.

If your mom grouses about being pushed to take care of herself, encourage her to get some psychotherapy to figure out why she's become so dependent on you that it is retarding your development academically, spiritually, physically, and emotionally. Your mom is playing the martyr, and it's certainly no help to you.

I sell personal protection dogs. I do not mix business and YA though. However, it might be a place for you to look. On occasion, we have female GSD's that have been trained, but because of their lineage, drives, titles, etc...we keep them for a few breedings. From time to time, those dogs will "age out" as far as what we sell. For instance, our dogs are approximately 2 years old when we sell them. We may breed a female 3 times, STARTING at 2. She is now too old to sell at full price as a protection dog...even though the capabilities are still there. In the last year, I've released 2 older females for a fraction of full price. These females were exactly what you're asking about...and approximately 65 pounds. Check to see if you have anyone near you, or even across country that deals in PPD's and inquire about older dogs. It's not often...but it does happen. Mom being disabled would not be a problem with a trained dog...and laying around 90% of the day waiting for some scratches or a treat is heaven for the dogs. It would be nice if a neighbor or friend can give the dog "some" cardiovascular exercise a few times a week though. Good luck

Wow. And I though my situation was bad. You are totally amazing, you know that? So few would do what you have done. Some just aren't able, you are very strong and cudos to you for giving as much as you have so far. Yet, you will soon have to face the fact that it is time for you to do what you need to do for your own life...school, a job, marriage...because your mother could live for many years like that. That is not your question but I just needed to tell you that.

I suggest moving to a bigger city if at all possible, or nearer one. They have many government funded programs in larger cities like Red Cross, Friends of the Disabled, (that's what we have here but we are in a small town) Get on the net and find out what programs are provided where, if your mom could be transfered toa nother similar job elsewhere, etc. The "provider" the doctor was talking about is like a health care provider...you need to talk to your accountant about that, you can get a lot taken off your taxes, a lot of money back. Also, there are credits for equipment she might need, like a new wheelchair or a lift when she will start to need one. You might consider taking courses at a college as a health care provider if you enjoy doing that, while your mother is at work. That way you can get out o f the house for a while and here, health care providers get paid very well, albeit not as much as they are worth, for all the work they do. She does have to keep working to get the health insurance coverage, the bills are impossible otherwise. If she were my mum I'd talk her into giving away a couple of the dogs too, lol! Sounds like a handful!

But you must both realize that when she can no longer work, or her condition deteriorates, she may need to go to a home to be taken care of properly. You need to both realize and accept that fact.

I wish you and your mum the best of luck hun!

I did something similar for five years....from 36 to almost 41 and it nearly killed me. I loved my mom (she stopped working when she had a heart attack and got progressively worse..with many other illnesses)....I still to this day am not the same. I don't have the same energy...I am always drained and exhausted...and I missed some of my best years to get married and have kids. I kind of feel like it's over now as I'm turning 43 later this year. Your mom should be accepting disability (my mom already had social security from my deceased dad and had stopped working when she wasn't as bad so I believe she didn't qualify)..your life could get ruined in the process so I understand wanting to be the one to do everything but be careful. Like you I wanted to be the one to help her, had no help, and couldn't qualify to get paid because she owned a home. I lost my normal life and I'm just not the same now...I don't know the solution but am just telling you to look ahead. Good luck!

I wish I had a better answer for you but I know you are going to find an answer soon. I just don't know the specific details. I think you can cut & paste this somehow & put it in the senior section. Many seniors have either been through what your mother has or what you are going through they are just a wealth of knowledge so put this in that section too & I hope anyone who sees your question will give you a star so you can have more people see your Q. In the USA you would call your local social services dept. or you might have to call the library or health dept to be directed. If your mother was able to get disability & she might be eligible for food stamps so the help she would get should add up. Also, you need to get some help even if you have to take on line classes so that you can be working towards your degree so you can support yourself once she is all taken care of...Now I do know that my cousin was able to get paid for taken care of her mother.....So we need to find someone who can help you with that. This might not happen all at once but if you could get paid for taken care of her & you might have to take some classes which is good & get started in school on-line which is harder than being in the class sometimes but you could alt east be getting some credits. So this is going to work it's way out you are in the process.

I think by "provider" the doctor could have meant an in home heath care provider. My mom was in a wheelchair for many many years and she had a lady come in every morning to help her take showers and just help her out with anything she needed. I can understand if you wouldn't want a stranger coming in and taking care of her. My mom got lucky with her in home health care provider (she was the sweetest lady). I'm not sure how much schooling it takes, but maybe you should look into taking some classes instead of certain errands for a while. I don't know the inner workings of everything, but maybe you could get paid to take care of her if you did.

In Australia you would get a Carers Pension...a Social Security payment of about $500.00 per fortnight...a medical entitlement card that gave you free visits to the local GP, free hospital treatment and prescriptions for about $3.80 each.Physiotherapy and other outpatient treatments would be covered.

You would also be entitled to respite care...once a month you would be provided with a full weekend off...while a trained carer took over at home. You would get Home care...bathing and dressings changed, District nurses would come to monitor her blood sugar levels and deal with any wounds and infections. You would have access to Diabetes Australia...which is a NFP organisation offering advice and help for people living with diabetes...and which could help you access new treatments and research projects which may help you.

You would receive additional money each week for Rent Assistance up to $80...deoending upon how much rent you paid.

Your mother would also receive a Disability Pension...and be able to keep all her retit=rement benefits such as lump sum payments and superannuation....and you would be eligible for Public Housing .....

Your car registration would be free. You would receive discounts on your electricity gas and phone bills. Your dogs would be registered for free. You would be entitled to discount rates at the RSPCA vet clinics.

And we still have the strongest economy in the world...the fastest growing and the lowest level of debt.

I really don't know what can be done for you there.....but your situation is a disgrace....a national shame.

I'm so sorry.

WOW - it sounds like you have a boat load of responsibilities on your hands and you DO need help. You need to connect with a social worker first of all who can determine what your needs are and talk to you about programs and organizations where you can find help. Many states are cutting way back on social service efforts though - it's not easy right now. That's your first step. Your second step is to tell your mother that you are going to church. The right church will be able to provide encouragement and will probably be happy to find a way to assist you in some way - but you have to get connected with your community and soon! I have a son with mental retardation and my church set up an entire careteam of willing people who provide respite for me from time to time and assist with various things I need help with as I have 3 other children. It's never going to be easy - but you can get some freedom and help - you've just got to make the right connections. It depends on the state and what funding they have - but even bankrupt CA - is finding a way for my own brother right now to be given the job of taking care of my dad to where he would earn a small stipend for what he is doing and then it's something that can go on the resume for your future endeavors. You may have a great future in the medical field in physical/occupational therapy or nursing. You can do school part-time once you have a bit of assistance. That's what social workers and church folks do! Call your local DHS office and explain your situation and ask for an appointment with a social worker to discuss what programs are out there and what you can qualify for.

ok my moms in a wheelchair also , she has rheumatoid arthritis and osteoporosis she was diagnosed with rheumatoid at 28 years old she walked with a cane for years now it progressed to a wheelchair my dad had a heart valve replacement we have a cat, fish, and 2 birds, and my mom is the most loving person you would wanna know.. my friends would rather spend time with her then me. she makes everyone feel so welcome lol my brother lives here i live here my sister lives here.. i work my sister attends too the house .. and my mom. helping her around. my brother helps my dad with all yard work and men stuff around the house.. it all works for us i wouldn't wanna be anywhere else.. and my moms a neat freak everything has to be in its place lol try looking to see if you can be your moms care giver i don't know how it works but call your local social security office maybe they can help you.. there are alot of people who get assistance for helping family members who are ill.. im just not sure how they do it.. but i think there family care givers..i hope you get the help you need good luck it must be very hard for you.. it seems your alone doing everything try family care givers...

In England, you'd go to your citizens advice bureau and apply for 1) Disability living allowance for your mother, and 2) Carers allowance for you.

Obviously, it won't give you the most luxurious of lifestyles, but it'll ensure the basics.

It may be named differently in the US, but there should be a similar set-up.

Sorry I couldn't help much, that's all I can give you!