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What does support of the pregnancy and the prospective mother mean to you?
I am not talking just about family or boyfriends, husbands etc. I mean in general. I saw the mother of a 14 year old hacked on here pretty hard because she didn't believe her daughter was able to parent a child. It begged the question of what people here consider supporting the prospective mother (not just underage). Is it short term until she gets on her feet and self reliant kind of support of full blown because I am relation or I am going to financially and emotionally support everyone kind of commit for as long as everyone uses it that everyone is looking for? Is tough love or a stiff dose of reality ever appropriate?
I personally think the male potential father role or lack there of is probably the single biggest factor in why people give up or keep their children. We spend so much time villifying AP's as the primary cause of coercion, but I truly believe the male role has far more role in coercion than any of us talk about. I also think the pregnancy is also the biggest carrot or stick that women use to try keep or dump the guy--the staying together and the parenting choices are highly unrelated in my own mind. I've also seen here quite often where if the guy doesn't want to stay together with the pregnant woman that it means they shouldn't be allowed to parent or some how that disqualifies him as a parent. Does support of the pregnancy mean they have to stay together with the woman during the pregnancy? Opinions?
I guess what I am asking on the father front--what about those guys who want to be a father and the woman says, "on my terms only or we are package deal and you want the baby you have to take me too kind of thing--I've seen it. I've also seen guys run because of actions of the mother were extremely emotional and unreasonable yet the guy is tagged as not being supportive. (And I get women are emotional during this time--am just saying is support in general a "black hole" or are boundaries appropriate?)
3 Answers
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
The father does not have an obligation to stay with the mother of his child.
He does, however, have an obligation to supporting his child to the best of his ability. I don't care how pushy the mother of the child is, how needy, whiny, naggy, or whatever. If he runs away, he ISN'T supportive. He's not just being "tagged" as unsupportive. He's a straight up deadbeat dad.
I also disagree with you when you say that the lack of a potential male father is the biggest factor in why people give up their children. In my opinion, poverty plays a larger role in relinquishment than the lack of a father. There are lots of single moms in these times.
If a woman tells a man that he can parent his child on her terms only, that man needs to take his balls back and PARENT his child in the way that is best for the child. Not run away like a deadbeat.
Source(s): Surprisingly self actualized adult adoptee - monkeykitty83Lv 61 decade ago
Financial support means temporary assistance during the crisis situation, with the goal of helping the mother/family get on her/their feet and become independent. It's not a handout in perpetuity, it's help along the road of being able to self-support. Any physically and mentally capable adult should have caring for their own family without relying on aid as an objective, and any aid given should encourage the recipients to take responsibility themselves as soon as it's possible to do so. Enabling isn't true help; true help fosters self-respect and self-reliance.
(Note, that does not apply to the non-custodial parent, who is responsible for child support as long as the child is a minor. That's his own obligation as a parent, not a charitable act. Both parents have parental responsibilities, not just the mother or custodial parent. The above refers to people who were not involved in making the baby in the first place. The actual parents are both in this for the long haul.)
Emotional support is long-term, but it doesn't mean getting involved in the person's drama or taking every 2 a.m. phone call. It means saying "You can do this. You have the ability." It means listening and understanding to the extent you're able, but it's also alright to say, "This is too much for you to lay on me; you need to talk to a professional counselor." Even emotional support doesn't mean a black hole-- it means being there for the person as much as you can, but recognizing your own limits of how much you can be leaned on by another person without it negatively affecting your own life. You should always be supportive of people you care about-- but it's healthy to have personal boundaries, too. People still need to live their own lives.
- NikkiLv 41 decade ago
Ive been pregnant before..and I had my bf there the whole time..so I dont know exactly how it would be to have no one...but I was seperated for a brief while, (because I was 15 and I had to go to my aunts) and that time was tough. I couldnt imagine having to go through everything that a pregnancy brings with it, knowing that the father didnt want to go through it with me. Although, I wouldnt ever tell the father that he couldnt/shouldnt/or wouldnt be a dad to my child just because he didnt want to be with me anymore. That is just ridiculous.
I wouldnt want anyone that didnt want to be with me, to feel like they HAD to..