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I need critique, and possibly some help naming this.?

Make me feel like I’m something better than nothing.

Like I matter somewhere to someone more loving.

I’ve got nothing to show for the life I’ve lived.

‘Cept some empty pockets and the love that I give.

It’s not much till you need it and you realize it’s yours.

Then you’ll realize you’ve wasted it but you’ll feel no remorse.

You’ve taken it for granted. And you feel no shame,

No grief in the pain that you’ve caused from your game.

I’m a pawn on your board of black and white checker

A piece to be played when you’ve got nothing better.

You’ll use me once, twice, then cast me away.

Then you’ll pull me back into this game that we play.

You want to feel like you’re something better than nothing.

Like you matter somewhere to someone more loving.

You’ve got so much to offer for what you’ve been through

You’ve got the charm, the smile, the money too.

You can get anything you want, but you choose to stay.

Like you enjoy the pain that’s caused from our game.

I’ve taken you for granted, I feel no shame,

No grief in the pain that I’ve cause from my game.

You’re a chip on my table of green and white velvet

In a game I play where I raise the steaks when I can help it.

I’ll gamble with you life, your love, and your pain

Cause I’m on a streak, the more you lose, the more I gain.

I’ll take you for granted, and you’ll do the same,

Cause there’s pleasure in the pain that’s caused by our game.

4 Answers

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  • barbie
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Wow, very deep. Very good too I might add.

    A lot of thought and emotion went into this poem.

    I like how the first part of the poem is about one person and the second half about the other person.

    Keep up the good work.

    As far as a title goes? hmmmm,

    "Game Changer"

    "You and I"

    "Pleasure and Pain"

    "Hope and Dispair"

    "The Pawn"

  • 1 decade ago

    Great Poem how about Loves game or Loves Roller Coaster or Pursuant

  • bijja
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    How about this title: Juxtaposed

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    this is an awesome poem ...really i love it <3

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