Funniest Joke. Ever heard?

Not the funniest, just one I remember at the moment...

A man was going door-to-door doing a sexual survey in Jeff's neighborhood. "How often a week do you sleep with your wife?" asked the inquirer. "Three times," Jeff said without hesitation. "That is once more often than your neighbor," the inquirer said, writing. "That makes sense," Jeff said, "after all, she's my wife!!!."

Not the funniest 'ever' but I'll tell you the best I've heard of recent -

A man walks into a pub and sits down. The barman asks if he would like a drink, he thanks him and asks for a beer. They talk, and joke and once the man has finished his drink the barman requests his money. The man, however, refuses. He replies 'I came into this bar, and you offered me a drink Now, you mentioned nothing about money. If you were to walk into a bar and get offered a drink, would you expect to have to pay afterwards? Look, I'm a lawyer. You can take this further, but I can tell you this for free - you don't have a leg to stand on.'

The barman, apoplectic, demands the man leave and never come back. The man does so.

A week later, the same man returns to the bar. The barman immediately demands he leave once again, yelling the odds at him and rambling about how he had conned him out of his money. However, the man looks baffled. 'I don't know what you're talking about. I have never been here before in my life.' At first, the barman refuses to believe it, but eventually he does and looks a little embarrassed. 'Oh. Well then..I am sorry. You must have a double.'

'Thanks'. replied the man, 'I'll have a whisky'.

This is a blonde/Jessica Simpson joke that I read in a magazine a few years ago, so I hope it doesn't offend anyone...

Three girls rob a bank, and the police chase leads them to a farm. The one girl hides in the barn with the cows, another in the chicken coop, and the blonde girl in the potatoe field.

The police search the barn, and to camflouage herself the girl mooed.

When the police looked for one of the other girls, all they heard in the chicken coop was clucking.

And when the police checked the potatoe field, to blend in, the blonde made a potatoe sound, so she yelled "Potatoe, Potatoe, Potatoe!" lol!

FUNNEST JOKE EVER

A GUY HEARD IN THE NEWS WHO EVER CAN MAKE THE OWNERS HORSE LAUGH GETS 10,000 SO THE GUY SAYS HE CAN DO IT SO HE GOES IN THE BARN WHISPERS SOMETHING IN THE HORSE EAR AND THE HORSE STARTS ROLLING ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING THE NEST DAY WHO EVER CAN MAKE THE HORSE CRY GETS 10,OOO DOLLARS SO HE GOES IN AND ALL OF A SUDDEN THE HORSE STARTS CRYING WHEN THE OWNER ASK HOW HE MADE HIM LAUGH AND CRY HE SIMPLY SAYS FIRST DAY I TOLD HIM MY JUNK WAS BIGGER THEN HIS AND THEN THE NEXT DAY I SHOWED IT TO HIM

So this MILF is checking out at the supermarket and she's getting excited as she's watching the young bagboy putting away her groceries. The cashier rings up the total and the woman pays her, realizing that time is running out if she wants to make a play for the bagboy. So she gets him to help her take her groceries out to the car. Once outside, she leans close and whispers to the bagboy, "You know, I've got an itchy püssy."

The bagboy replies, "Lady, you'll have to point it out; all these Japanese cars look alike to me."

The funniest lately is:

Guys going through store checkout and the girl there says "A meat pie, potatos, toilet paper and a magazine on motoring. Single, right?"

"Wow" says the guy, "You can tell I'm single from what I'm buying?"

"No" she replies "Because you're damn ugly".

I was in class with a rude math teacher, the class isnt listening and keeps talking. All of the sudden he yells "I HEAR VOICES! I SHOULDNT HEAR VOICES!" Being the sarcastic little brat I am, I said "YOU SHOULD PROBABLY GO TO A PSYCHOLOGICAL BRUH." Got detention. So worth it.

Not sure if I will be allowed to get away with this (cleaned it up as best I can) but I heard it years ago & it still makes me laugh.

Q - What do you call a man with a blue d*ck ?

A - A tightfisted w*nker !

Did you hear about the greedy alcoholic transvestite? He wanted to eat, drink and be Mary.

When life gives you lemons, squirt it in someones eye and run. LOL That's the only one but I know a funny website. www.joecartoon.com

the first one and the hird one lol, they r the funniest i've heard so far