i love with my friend who doesn't love me back. i can't get over her.?

Question

please help I'm totally confused at what to do, sorry for the life story

were 16 (in year 10), i started liking her to years ago when we were really good friends, and i knew she did not want a relationship with anyone (and she still doesn't) so i never told her. 

since then i have just fallen more and more in love with her untill it started to depress me, i have tried and tried to get over her and i can't. one of the things i did was to try avoid her and not talk to her but that made me miss her so much and i became so depress i just couldn't handle it, i started talking to her again but everything became really awkward for me i never know what to say or do around her which  made me MORE depressed!

i started talking to her about how i feel and depression and stuff but with out mentioning the fact that i was depressed over a girl (her) and talking about my feeling no matter how small or how vague the information was it made me feel so happy but i was still depressed. during this time she told me some stuff too including the fact that she used to cut her self re-opening the scares on her arms over and over in year 7 and 8.

(i knew the scares, there is 2 of them quite long down the out side of her arm but i always figured they were some kind of scratch from barbed wire or a animal or something because my sister used to be emo and her scares are nothing like my sisters or my sisters friends)

basically i freaked!!!

i freaked but i eventually got used to the idea continued to talk abit remained be be happy when I'm with her but seriously depressed after. used to listen to a lot of depressing songs (i,e alice in chains)

lately i diced i was sick of this and that i wasn't going to be depressed anymore and ill start with deleting all my grunge and depressing music then tell her her i love her, get it all off my chest and just tell her everything.

so i told her i love her she said she knew, and she has known since she told me about the cutting.she seemed to take it well, i mean i knew there was something more going on in her head but she seamed to take it very well (a million times better than i did) i asked if it would be ok if i was more open about it and talked to her about how i feel more like she's my friend rather than THE GIRL, and she said that would be ok.

so i have been talking to her about it i have been telling her like mostly everything, she has been telling me stuff but i can tell she is really not comfortable with this situation even though she is saying it's ok. i can tell she feels like me being depressed was her fault (even though it is my own fault) i know there's more than just that though

now I'm happy and she isn't and i don't know what to do if i go back to keeping everything from her ill go back to depression and if i keep this up then she will be.

i know i need to stop loving her but i can't

because she just doesn't want a relation ship yet, she is trying to stay away, and i don't want to push her into anything, I'm fairly sure she does not love me the same way.

i donno what to do, i think the only way to fix this is to fall out of love with her but i don't know how and i would need to do it without damaging your relationship as friends like i did last time.

and yea if you cant tell I'm totally confused 

and could use some advice

sorry for the life story

? · Accepted Answer

Best option.... dude i am kinda goin thru this situation n av been thinkin abt controllin our mind..i myself come up with so many solutions.. i think the best is this
1. Set some personal goals( that need to be achieved in 1 week or in 1 month).. Physical goals and mental goals.. like rising up every single day no matter wat at 5.30 AM and go to gym and do the work out nd building super power n all.. Clearing some real big puzzles or even clearing your xams with 95% marks etc can be other set of goals..

2. come out of stupid songs n all all thos boring luv things... You can get much better gal n luvin gal .. Each single day hold ya thought and feed yourself  the best dish if you succeed in holding your negative thoughts.. .like wen ever she comesn in ya though jus say.. -VE thought.....n say to yourself '' DUDE NO MATTER WAT I AV CONTROL OVER YOU'
3.always be wit frnds.. BOYS only... 

4. Avoid her completely ...i doesnt mean you need to wipe her frm ya contacts n all. jus let her come to you if she really needs you.. ya not a piece of **** to go after a gal.. 
5.Last one ..... Make sure that you follow the above 4 perfectly for 3 months.... time is the most valuable thing in ya life .. i realised that .. respect it..

Best of luck for you.. 
"DONT EVER RUN AFTER A BUS & A GAL .. COZ AFTER 5 MINS YOU WILL GET ANOTHER "... CHEERS

Anonymous · Answer

To fix your problem, all you need to do is focus on being her friend again. Do all the things you used to before freely. Enjoy the times that the two of you spend together. 

If you start getting depressed again, REMIND yourself that she knows how you feel now, and if she chooses to be in a relationship with you, then she will let you know. 

If she is being depressed simply ask her whats wrong and let her know that you are concerned. 

If she doesnt want to talk about why, then nicely say, "its ok i understand" and then change the subject to something that she loves 
 maybe music or  a tv show she really likes or sports or whatever it might be im sure you know what makes her smile.  

Focus on being her friend, and while doing that, try to realize that having her as a friend is better than not having her at all in your life. 

As soon as you can accept that and actually be happy with it, then you wont have anything to worry about anymore. 

The main thing is to be there for her without smothering her. Let her know she can come to you, but dont pressure her or nag her about it. 

Everything will work out wonderfully. 

:) You sound like a wonderful man, and Im sure Im not the only woman who thinks that ;)

Joe F · Answer

She sounds like she has a lot of problems son that she is going to have to deal with.You can not have a happy healthy relationship with a girl unless both of you are happy and healthy.Get in church and see if you can get her to go with you.This will help you both.The United Pentecostal churches are good.Read:
Matthew 11:28-30 1Peter 5:7 John 3:15-17 Romans 5:12 John 3:1-5 and Acts 2:38.The LORD loves you both and has a plan for your lives.

mytwocents · Answer

You can get over this by practicing indifference. When such thoughts come, learn to shrugh sigh and focus on the work that you need to do. 

Indifference is not easy, requires a lot of practice. When you grow older even this melancholic memory will bring you some pleasure

Melody · Answer

Pure love involves relinquishing what you love and desiring the best for her.If you really love her as you say you will let her go fully comforted in your heart that you are sacrificing your self interests for her betterment.Remember there's someone special out there for you.Seek man and you shall find.What is better than seeing both of you succeed and prosper in your lives.Forget the past and burn all the 'bridges of life' that you have left behind and march forward putting all your priorities straight,success man.

redytoplay16 · Answer

sometimes space is needed in order to get over someone. i was in the same thing with my best friend. i just kinda made some stuff up and put some space between us. you won't stop craving ice cream if its sitting right in front of you. i mean no calls-their voice will set you back, no txting, emailing, or hanging out. just take yourself out of the equation for a while. i kno it sounds really severe but it will work. and don't just sit there thinking about them. do something to keep occupied.

Kenny · Answer

Look, surround yourself with your friends and happy things. Getting rid of your emo music was probably a good start. It takes a long time to get over someone you really like. Baby steps that's all it takes.
Good luck hunni. x

Eldrich · Answer

ya you really like her so much i can see it with your very long story i say you let her go. give her more time to think about it and ask her on a date and get to know each other ,show her how you care and make her laugh, make her feel comfortable with you then if she feels good with you then you can ask her again to have a real relationship. good luck hehe

Anonymous · Answer

HI GHOSTOF,, honey at this point in her n your life ,i think all u can do is just try to b there for her wen she needs a good friend,,and if she isnt getting help for the cutting she needs to,,she could kill herself,,PEACE

Anonymous · Answer

depending on the friendship romantic love is usually stronger(sometimes if it is a very close friend this doesnt apply) do you feel sexually attracted to them? so you want to have a child with them? does the thought of them kissing you make your heart flutter or turn you off.

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i love with my friend who doesn't love me back. i can't get over her.?

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