Splitting Up Kids after a divorce?

Question

My ex and I have been divoced for almost a year and right now our custody arrangement is 50/50. I have the kids after school and he has them in the evenings. I agreed to this because he was keeping the house and I thought it would help the kids adjust better to the divorce if they stayed in the same house in their same beds with the same night time routine. This arrangement worked well for us until he brought another woman into the picture who has a child the same age as my youngest daughters. Now my ex is adding on to his house and she and the kid are moving in. I couldn’t afford housing in the same town, so I moved to a town 15 minutes away so now I drive to pick them up now Monday Wednesday Friday and have them every other weekend. It isn’t working as well anymore.

My sons are 15 and 13 and my twin daughters are 7. I would like to take full custody of the girls and leave my ex custody of the boys. Here is why. My girls need their mom. Their dad does not give them much attention because his girlfriend is always there and her son is very unruly and demands all the attention. My 15 year old works a lot and my 13 year old is heavily into sports, so the siblings do not see each other on a regular basis anyways. I know this isn’t an ideal solution but neither is the one that we have now. I don’t feel like I am a part of the kids lives anymore. I just feel like daycare. They feel the same. If anyone has any other suggestions or ideas, I am open. Thanks!

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Ask the kids what they want. And run the idea by your ex. He may not like not seeing his daughters as much. He has every right to have a new gf. And her son probably demands a lot of attention because he is having trouble adjusting. 
Ask your sons and daughters how they would feel about this.

? · Answer

It sounds like it's definitely worth a try.  If after a few months you find it's not working, go back to the old arrangement.  But give it a go - it may be the perfect solution.
One thing to keep in mind, though, it to be sure to have all the kids together, with each parent, at times.  Don't drop off one set and pick up the others like library books.  Make time on the weekends or whatever is convenient to have all the kids and do some family activities or just hang out and do nothing.  You want to be sure and nurture the bond between the siblings, as well as the parent-child bonds.
Good luck.

blueeyed girl · Answer

Bravo to you for being such a great mom and wanting to be part of your kids lives.    I would talk to you ex husband and see what he has to say about you assuming custody of the girls and see if a solution can be worked out to benefit everyone involved.  Being 15 minutes away is not that far.   I live in the same city where I work and it takes me 20 minutes to get to work everyday...which isn't that long.   

I think you are on the right track...keep the communication open with your ex and I think things will fall into place.

Keep up the great work.

LG · Answer

Anything that splits up your kids is wrong, from a male perspective and maybe i'm unusual, I love my kids to death, but I also realise that they belong with there mom.
I currently have a 60 40 split with my kids and I would gladly have them all the time, but all kids need there mom, your proposed arrangement will only distance the boys more from you

MightyHyphy · Answer

why dont you talk to your ex about it?
its always to talk to him about it first before doing anything legal because he might go on defense mode and deny everything so talk to him, dont fight with him. tell him how you feel and try to make him understand. maybe he would and you can change the legal agreement later but if he does not then you can take matter to your own hands. you got alot going for you like child neglect if he isnt paying enough attention to your girls. and the years that they are now is  the most important so do what you got to do.

Trending News

Splitting Up Kids after a divorce?

5 Answers