my step-son is out of control, he has no respect for anyone or thing?

You, your husband and this boy need to go into family counselling. Your son also needs to be in a drug rehabilitation program. If you have the means, an inpatient program is the best. He may have an underlying psychiatric problem, beyond the drugs. Take him to a doctor and tell the doctor you suspect he is using drugs, and ask for advice from the doctor, and mention you feel he needs psychiatric screening.

Find an incentive that motivates him. Money? A car? A trip? A WII? Something pretty glamorous to make him REALLY want it. Make school attendance and clean drug tests the requirement. Set a specific date on which you will determine the prize. Make it something your kids can participate in, too. If he can follow the rules for a specific period, he gets the prize. If he doesn't, he gets left out, but your kids get still get to do it. It's no fun for him getting left behind, if it's a really great reward. Peer pressure and competition can be a motivator. Let his doctor do the testing. Kids will sometimes fool the home drug test by switching to a substance that is not detected by the test.

Meet with the school regarding his truancy (leaving school for 2 periods a day). Are there any actions that the school can take? Is there a truancy program that can assist you?

Grandma can buy him things, but you and your husband decide if he can have access to them or use them. Privileges are for kids who follow the rules. Snowboards and skate boards should be confiscated when rules are violated.

You may need to make some modifications to house, so you are prepared for securing items when they are confiscated. Some lockable cabinets may be best. Don't forget snacks. The way to a kids heart is through his stomach. Special snacks are a treat, and kids who misbehave can do without them.

He should not be allowed to drive a car until you have gotten control of his behavior, and he is routinely passing a drug test. Driving is a privilege. A minor driving under the influence could cause a wreck, be charged as an adult, and end up in prison for manslaughter. Not the outcome you want.

When he mouths off at the bus driver, don't try to tell him anything. He has no respect for you. More action, less talk. Start taking things away. Remove the TV's. Radios. Cell phones. Computers. IPODS. Money. Put them where he can't get at them, and set specific requirements for him to earn them back.

If he runs away, report him as a runaway to the police. If you catch him with drugs, report his drug use to the police. Use the family services department in your area to help you tackle this problem.

Keep him busy and find positive things for him to do. Get him into something fun that he enjoys. Something unexpected, like kayaking or rappelling. If you can get him hooked on something, then it becomes motivational in other areas of his life. He needs phsical activity and creative activities. And, if he enjoys it, then he is going to feel motivated to not get kicked out. So, he will learn some self-control.

Consider looking for a camps and therapies for trouble teens.

http://www.troubledteensinfo.com/

I wish you the best of luck. There is not one answer to this problem, but an ongoing process of trying everything. And, some solutions will only work for a while, maybe only a short while, but that's something. When it stops working, try something else.

Bottom line:

- engagement. Get his attention. Use fun activities to get him motivated. Have some extraordinary rewards to catch his interest.

- discipline. Setting rules and making sure there are consequences. Do not allow ANY disrespect. He loses privileges EVERY time he does it. You might want to make it for a relatively short period, just a few days, so he has more changes to get it right, and so you have things you can take away.

- medical intervention. screening for mental health disorders and treating them.

- therapy. Giving him a safe place to deal with the changes that you are making in his life, and guidance for how to cope.

It was NOT bad that you slapped the little punk.His dad needs YOUR foot up his @ hon.His dad needs to quit being a wimp,get his head out of his 2 and realize your step son has problems and begging him, to be good is not going to work, it never has,letting granny spoil the h3ll out of him isn't going to fix him, and doing "nothing" but making useless threats without backing them up is not going to change things either.His dad and mother need to get on the same page and they need to wear his butt out one good time and make him sit on the sofa where they can keep an eye on him.Then 2 changes of clothes, no cell phone, no phone,no phone calls, no private time on the computer, no lock on his bed room door.Tell Granny no more gifts for a while and you go to school with him and tell him you are there ALL DAY EVERY DAY until he graduates SINCE he can NOT be trusted.Grounding is a joke, WHO is going to "make him" stay inside?When there is no physical consequences, then he knows it is ALL just smoke being blown up his butt and all it will be is a little annoying nagging and complaining.Last,his dad needs to tell him he loves him and this is why he is disciplining him and he is sorry he failed as a father and didn't start doing it sooner, because now it is going to be harder on both of them.

"He had no discipline" This isn't HIS fault, this is the fault of his PARENTS for not teaching him discipline. Children are not BORN disciplined, they have to be taught, they also have to be taught respect. I see nothing in your post about his father disciplining him at all? Where is his father in all of this? You blame the child for not being disciplined yet the father has nothing to do with teaching the child discipline? You're blaming the wrong person...start looking to your husband

The whole family needs to go for family counseling to find out what's bothering your stepson and who knows, your sons could be holding in their emotions. Good Luck!

too late.