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Falcon_01 asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 decade ago

What do you think of this short one?

Dream Girl

3 Nov 2009

I know you're out looking

For me as I'm searching for you.

Surely we'll find one another

And time will stand still when we do.

So come to me in dreams tonight

My hope, it lies in you

To save me from the empty space,

Like only a dream girl can do.

There never will be another

If only your love remains true

After my eyes open,

But you're gone and the dream's over.

Update:

The 6 syllable line moves from the first line, to the second, to the third- and can be read as part of the whole, or taken as a separate thought that gives hope after eyes open.

5 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Kind of reminds me of a poem I wrote. I titled it "Just A Dream".

    Looking for a dream love, this poem says it all... except, dreams can come true. :)

    I like it and understood your way of writing it.

  • 1 decade ago

    I think you've found your muse! It's a lovely poem.

    This is definitely a happier poem (though the ending has that tone of "maybe" in it...). Keep on keeping on, Chris! :) I hope it comes true for you.

  • itchy
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    I wish each line kept the 8-count meter. Was there subtler measurement?

    Aside from that, I enjoyed it. Beautiful, purposeful ending

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    That was a very beautiful poem with a very beautiful message.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I think it's a bit dull.

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