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can you edit this poem?
It had been a year
since she had seen him last.
The letters weren't enough
to comfort her loneliness.
She smoothed her hair,
applied a layer of poppy red lipstick
fluffed her skirt and a couple of pillows
to calm the butterflies in her stomach
and the deafening sound of her heart beating
once, twice, a third time.
she glanced at the box of letters,
leafing through to find her favorite,
the one which said he was safe,
he was coming home.
she heard a sound, leaving the letter behind her,
dashed to the window.
taking a deep breath, she peered out the window
once, twice, a third time
and in a jiffy she opened the door
and hugged her soldier who had come home.
once, twice, a third time.
leaving a poppy red print on his happy face.
i have to add similes and metaphors and personification and such..so if you have suggestions don't be afraid to say so!
4 Answers
- micheleann62Lv 61 decade agoFavorite Answer
It had been a solid year
and felt like twenty
since she had felt his face
Letters were not enough
as a warmth to replace
Oh how lonely she had been
excruciating
like she was missing her twin.
In the mirror with shaking hand
She patted her hair and raised her fan
once, twice ,three times
She applied a layer of poppy red lipstick
and smacked once, twice, three times.
She ran a hand down her soft black skirt
And checked every button on her fluffy shirt
Anything to calm her butterflies
and keep the mist from her fresh made eyes.
She felt her heart beating and counted
once, twice, three times.
The box of letters he wrote, lay on her bed
She leafed through them to find the one that said
He was safe and coming home soon
It was her favorite. Is it almost noon?
Then suddenly she heard a car door sound
and she tossed the letter to the ground
He was near her window. She threw it wide
And before he even could reach inside
She reached and held her soldier ever so tight.
She heard the heart beat as though in flight
Once, twice, three times.
Her joyous tears fell
one, two ,three.
And she kissed him fully
leaving poppy red stains all over his face
Once, twice and a third kiss
With the complete embrace.
Source(s): Poet 50 years - 1 decade ago
Awwwwwwwwww!!!! I LOVE IT!!
But I think a lot of amateur poets on Yahoo! Answers all have the same problem--they don't have much rhythm! Your first couple of lines worked pretty well. But after that, things became longer and longer and off-beat. Try keep it something like 10 beats then 8 beats, 10 beats then 8 beats, so on.
But the story within it is good! I love it!!! Keep up the good work.
Source(s): I'm an amateur poet. - Anonymous1 decade ago
aw i love it! acually i like poems without rhyme better. if you rhyme you better know what you're doing or else it sounds corny.
mine? poem interpretation?? http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AsGj8...
- Anonymous1 decade ago
um nty