how do i handle my son's bully?

I have had the same problem with some older kids on the bus "bullying" (mostly teasing) my quite, shy 11 year old. I tried to let her handle it on her own by encouraging her to sit near the front of the bus so the driver could possibly be aware without her tattling. Then they would say nasty and mean things to her -quietly-as they got on and off of the bus. I encouraged her to ignore them and that worked for a few weeks. After a month of her coming in off of her bus every other day in tears I had enough. I called the school and politely asked to speak to someone and explained what the problem was. The vice principal spoke with me and I explained again to him. He spoke to the bus driver who knew that the kids had been bothering her due to her tears but could not get her to say exactly what was being said or done. Long story kinda short...the older kids were warned that they would be suspended from the bus if anything like this happened with ANY other child. That has been over a month ago and so far we have not had any more problems.

I know your situation is a bit different as these are children of the same age but I think the school would want to know of the problem and potential continuing problem with the "bully". I was surprised at how easy the school was to deal with and at their concern. I don't think a five year old needs to be put in the situation of defending himself and the other kid needs to quickly understand that this behavior is unacceptable. Your son is still a baby.......it's ok to help protect him and make his first school years pleasant.

Good luck.

Two things:

You do not want a tattle tale.

You do not want your kid to turn into the bully.

There is a time to turn the kid over to the principal, teacher, etc.. but right away is not the answer. My daughter had her first bully "lesson" when she was in 4 year old kindergarten. She was picked on because she had glasses. We talked to her and told her that it is never okay to hit, and that we should solve problems with words. She used to come home crying all the time. Don't think that this is going to change overnight. Teach your son to say things like "I don't like it when you...." "Could you please stop...." Hopefully, over time, the bully is going to realize that your son isn't fun to pick on because he isn't getting a reaction.

By all means, if they kids are in the same class, inform the teacher that this is going on (privately, don't even let your son know you are talking to his teacher), but also let the teacher know that you are teaching your kid how to handle it with words. Give your son time to stand up for himself. Sooner or later, mom/dad won't be there to help him and it's better that he learns this now instead of when the bullys are much bigger.

Hope this helps!

You really need to get this stopped before it escalates into your little boy getting hurt! You need to tell your son's teacher and don't let them pretend that it's not anything serious and will stop when your son settles in. That will probably be their first reaction.

Mind you, I really don't think it will be enough to just tell the school. Is there some way you can talk to the bully's parents? Sometimes that works better than anything. Stay polite, but firmly let them know that you will make it your mission to make their child's life miserable if his behaviour doesn't stop! If they won't instill in their child the fact that bullying is never acceptable, then you will! It doesn't always work, but I suppose they need to be given the chance to control their own child.

If everything else fails, tell your little boy to wait until the teacher isn't looking and then hit his tormentor - hard! It's a terrible fact that this actually works better than all the talking sometimes.

I know it's hard for a peaceful child to fight...but the sorry fact is that can be the only thing that works!

I really hope you can sort it out before it gets to the violence though...I'll be thinking of you.

Good Luck!

Oh, one more thing...is there a junior martial arts class your little boy could join? This is good for increasing their confidence. Once your little boy has more confidence in himself, he is less likely to be a potential victim for the bullies. If children have self-confidence, the bullies sometimes leave them alone!

Write a letter explaining in exact detail ie place/time/bullies names etc and send in to teacher. Most teachers are very good at stopping this from continuing. Bullies don't bully right in front of a teacher; they wait till they can get away with it. If they get away with it, they won't stop. Follow up with a call to the teacher to find out how they handled it. Usually teacher will write back right away. If this doesn't work get in touch with the principal, but only if teacher doesn't do their job.

If it were my son, i would tell him to take up for himself. Many times through the school years I was bullied. I felt threatened, depressed, and hated school all the time because of it. My parents always discouraged me from doing anything about it. I'm 27 now and its almost like I have to make up for lost time. I get angry and defensive really easy now and I honestly think it was due to being put down and picked on all through school. I really think your son will grow up to be a happier and more well rounded person for being taught to take up for himself at a young age. If he still has problems, I would have a parent/teacher conference to discuss how the issues can be worked out.

Talk to the teacher, talk to the principal

Go to school with him and watch him...find out what is going on and if the teacher and principle don't do anything you do it... if you see it happen notify the teacher if they don't do something then I'd be all for talking to the bully myself...and his/her parents about it...

I just don't understand why a child can get suspended for bringing a dead mouse to school because he thought it was cool and yet a bully gets away with just about everything...

Schools are all blah blah...we are bully free but in fact it seems like its more the...we ignore it so it never happens...sad but true...

Fighting back could get your son into trouble.

So I suggest you should notify the principal and his parents about the problem.

or write a letter to the teacher & ask them if they could keep an eye on that boy

before reporting it to his parents.

i would call the school and make a complaint

make sure his teacher knows to watch the kid

if it happens after you've done this go in and have a meeting with the principle

if it still happens go in and request a meeting with the bully and his parents

if that doesn't happen go to the school board

i know that sounds harsh but when kids get bullied bad things can happen

for one, make sure he knows never punch the bully, that's what there looking for. the concept of a bully is to exploit a persons emotions for a "explosion" of emotions.

if the bully is physical, then the best thing to do is to tell the principal. a kindergartner will keep that behavior for ever if it isn't stopped at this age.

if it is like making fun of him, the best thing to do is to ignore. bullies will get bord and find someone

else. they want to see him react.

Most likely, he will be bullied til high school, enroll him into a self defense class. it can be karate, a class at the YMCA, anything that will teach him ONLY to fight back if they attack him. hence the term "self Defense" i hope i held

In this case, he should learn to stand up for himself. I don't believe in teaching kids to tell a teacher unless they feel they are in danger or if the bullying is so persistant that nothing else stops it.