What effect can comparisons have on the kids ?

It can really go two very different ways. The negative being where if you compare two kids and one of them begins to feel inadequate. Comparisons are not necessarily a bad thing nor are they always mean spirited. It can be something as simple as saying to one child, "You did very well on that assignment" and not saying it to another. We may not think of that as a comparison, but children do because they are not developmentally able to make that distinction.

There is also a positive to comparisons. I have a MUCH younger 8 year old sister who is the spitting image of me when I was growing up. Her mannerisms, thinking, sayings, looks, etc. remind my whole family of me when I was growing up. I was an only child and because I'm out of the house and married, she too is being raised like an only child. My family always made remarks about how she was "Just like her sister" or "Her sister always did the same thing." They will also tell her how well I did in school or some of my accomplishments. Now, anytime she does something, she says, "Did I do this better than Sissy?" My family has ceased these comparisons in the last year or two once they realized why she was saying these things. However, she still discusses it. The positive thing is that she wants to do better than I did and it is pushing her to do well in school and extra-curriculars. No one is pressuring her to do this, she just wants to.

Have someone tell you that you are a piece of crap then think how that feels and then amplify that by about 100. Not being mean but thats how I see it. Its like having someone put you down everyday all day,only worse because it is a child who is being critised not an adult. That is why my mother in law is NOT allowed anywhere near my daughters.She constantly plays favorites and compares them.Since she favors the younger ones of the bunch she is always telling then that they are the most beautiful and they are mawmaw's favorite baby. She has only been around a few times but that is a few times too many and I put a stop to that crap REAL fast. I will NOT subject my 3 daughters(or my fourth daughter when she is born) to that kinda verbal abuse nor would I think ANYONE else would want to let their child go through something like that. It can be devastating.Studies have shown that children who have this done can become distant,depressed,suicidal,have lower I.Q.s due to lack of interest in studies,stop caring about anything and everything,develope eating disorders,etc...and these studies were done on children 10 and under. Thats just plain awful! People should really be ashamed of themselves.Makes you wonder who the piece of dirt is doesn't it?

They can be devastating. When I was younger everyone thought my brother was good looking and had no problem saying so in front of me. My mother was a drunk and would often initiate the comparisons when people would compliment my brother on how good looking he was.I grew up with little self worth. When I talk to children today I make sure I compliment them both.

Here is a scenario. You know Billy Bob he's a better person than you ,why can't you be more like Billy Bob. Billy Bob can do that. I wish you were more like Billy Bob! Billy Bob is so good at sports or whatever!!

Not exactly helpful huh..

It can have a telling & quite a lasting effect on them which might make them insecure, block their thinking power, discourage them from being confident about themselves!!

we hate it soooooooooooooo much

trust me

we want parents to call us special n if they compare you to another kid they're saying tht they're not happy tht they had us or we are not as good as them or those kids were what we ever wanted.

it really hurts us :(

They feel like they are less than what you want them to be. They also feel like they need to please you by being perfect.