What do I say to my mother in law? Help me write back to her please?? I'm at a loss...?

There are grandparents' rights in MO, but the court will deny rights when it is determined that it is in the child's best interest. If your husband beat you for hours while she just watched, the court will most likely decide that kind of environment is NOT in the best interests of the child. If your husband physically abused you, you don't know that he won't do that to the children. You would not want to take that chance. And if his mother harasses you, call the police and report it. That would not bode well for her if she challenges you for grandparents' rights in court.

I am very sorry to hear of your situation, and I wish you the very best of luck.

If she writes your son again don't give him the letter. She raised an abuser and was probably getting off in the kitchen to the sounds of the abuse you received. Tell her, in no uncertain terms, that she is to stay away from your children. Do you want this person to be an influence? Tell your sons that you know they miss grandma but that she's dangerous and she will have to stay away for a while. They'll eventually forget all about her as they get older without her. As for the sister, try and arrange with her mother for the boys to see her. Otherwise forget it.

Don't have any contact with her and do not allow her any contact with you. In your marriage, he is not her son. He is your husband. And it's not her place to ask you anything.

womenslaw.org helps women in your situation.

Good luck.

EDIT: Can a lawyer help you establish her as unfit to be a caregiver, given that she didn't help you when a crime was being committed against you? You could tell her she can come over to see the kids under your supervision. Then she wouldn't have a case in saying that you don't let her see them.

Also, I thought one responder was ridiculous to tell you not to seek advice here. That's why YA exists!

Why is it that you don't want this woman out of your life and why on earth would you want her to have a relationship with her grandchildren to begin with? She is a terrible woman. Throw away any mail received from her. Tell your children that she has gone away or whatever. They'll get used to not having her in their lives. So what if they think you are the bad guy. When they are old enough, like in their teens, simply tell them that she allowed her son to abuse you without doing one thing about it and you had decided to protect them from her influence. And why in the world would you want to work out visitation with their Dad when they now have a restraining order which isn't issued without good reason? Your job is to protect your children and yourself and to h.ll with their father and grandfather. Your children need you. They don't need their father's mother. If she harasses you don't contact her. Get a restraining order instead. It's time you stood up for what's right for yourself and your children. Taking your husband to court and divorcing him is a good first step. Don't stop it there for the sake of the children whose care and safety should be a mother's first priority.

Writing to the child was manipulation, plain and simple. Do not allow her to guilt you into doing something you aren't comfortable with. You aren't required to respond to her, and frankly you should have read the card first and known better than to show it to your child.

You went through a very traumatic, abusive relationship, and this woman obviously is still enabling her son. She's bailed him out twice in two months? And you want to voluntarily take your children back into a potentially emotional and violent situation? You mention you can't call because of the restraining order, but would you even have legal recourse if he showed up?

Please, don't seek advice here. Quietly celebrate the holidays with your side of the family, and seek the advice of a family counselor. If she seriously wants a relationship with her grandchildren, she should have no problems mending fences under the supervision of a licensed therapist. Remember, this abuse didn't just affect you. Please get help for your children.

You should not respond to the card. Unfortunately, children are involved. It is better to allow your child to feel hurt from missing someone, than hurt they may feel if something their father or grandmother does causes them to loose their mother. The grandmother simply can not be trusted. You should stay away from her! You just have no idea what could be awaiting you at her home. Obviously, she doesn't mind violence. As parents, sometimes, we have to make choices for our children that we do not like...this is one of those times for you. That is why we are parents and love our children. Stay away from that family. The kids don't need that in their lives.

wow, you have been through so much! I think honestly, you need to cut her out of your life and your kids lives. the fact that she has no objection to the abuse you suffered (she watched it happen!) is a really bad influence on your children. As for the christmas card for one kid and not the other, I would just fill a card out yourself, and tell him it is from grandma, just so his feelings are not crushed. (of course this would only work if he was still young.) Then start phasing her out of your family's life. As for what to tell her, i would simply say that you are trying to raise your family in a healthy way, and she is simply not condusive to that. If she would chooses to get healthy on her own as well, then you will consider persuing a relationship with her. short and simple. you don't deserve to be harrassed. Im so happy you made it out of such a hard spot. keep your head up!

Look........do you really care about this woman....she LET a man beat you for hours on end. But you are at fault for this too, why would you give your older son the card knowing darn well the younger did not have one. I am a mother of a two year old....but if other kids are around....i know...common sense....that what I give to my daughter, the other kids will want too. Next time....throw away anything from her and ignore her....if some let me get beat like that I would say F them .

I see so much behavior here that is indicative of a abused woman. You still have many issues that you need to deal with. Call your local abuse hotline (look on the personals page of your newspaper, or call your local library) and ask to set up counseling. I'm sure you can get it for free. They will help you to see how you are excusing your mother-in-law the same way you excused him. And they will help you to find ways to do what is best for your children. Good luck to you.

Personally, I would not have given your son that card. I wouldn't even let them know she still writes and keeps in touch. With kids, out of site, out of mind. They will get over it.

I see absolutely no reason to keep this relationship going. I would ignore everything that she tries to do.

talk to them