I wanted to be emotionally independent and still be married to my obsession.?

I'm not sure if what you are experiencing is "co-dependent" or "dependent" because your question does not discuss your wife or her details much. Regardless, you sound frozen in anxiety, and I would say you need to address the anxiety issue with a therapist or a physician. It's hard to think clearly when anxiety takes over. Secondly, it sounds like you have a significant lack of self-identity. When you say "all I wanted to do is to please her," I believe you! If your entire identity and life is based on wanting to please another person, your entire "self" is wrapped up in that. As a result, your wife is going to feel smothered indeed, and of course this will drive her away. As she distances herself, the anxiety surfaces and you probably even panic because it would feel as if your own identity is vanishing along with her, as if she "holds" your identity and could take it away at any time. So, the "obsession" is really dependence on her in order to give yourself an identity, or a "life." I think the best solution at this point is to go on anti-anxiety medications which reduce your anxiety, this would likely break that cycle. I would make it a priority. Once the anxiety has subsided, take a fresh look at your life and this relationship with your wife, and you might see it differently!

There is a self help similar to AA called coda. Look it up on the net or call your local AA chapter and they will tell you where there is a meeting. It will help you with codependency. This will happen with anyone you are with so get help.

I am fresh out of a relationship with a guy that was obsessed with another woman! You are going to drive her away unless you get a handle on this situation. Obsession is like a disease that can be helped. Please if you want to keep your marriage on the right track, please seek some help or she'll be gone! Good Luck!

Wow...........think u need some friends, hobbies or something.....try cold turkey

google "codependency".

You need your our life without her.

Do not base your happiness on her happiness.

You need to live your life for you not for her.