Marriage: I feel so lost. My husband is being hard on me because of his financial problems?

Listen up...it is NOT YOU! He is going through a very hard time as a man right now. He feels inadequate and unable to provide for the woman he loves. Do not take it personal. Be patient and stand by your man! He loves you and wants you to reassure him that you love him unconditionally. Money or no money. I have a cousin that went bankrupt, lost their house, and is married with 4 kids and I know how hard it was and is on him. He feels like a failure and worthless person. He and his wife and 4 kids now live with me and my husband. It is internal struggle for him that comes out unintentionally on you. He doesn't mean it, he STRESSED TO THE MAX! Be a rock and a spine for him until it is resolved. I can tell that the two of you have great love for one another. Hang in there. Also, remember he will lash out at times, it's not personal...be open about it so he can open up. People sometimes push others away when they are going through a hard time. So, reassure reassure reassure!

oh my god love, I feel so sorry for you, I really do especially when I got to the end of your question about you selling your home to help him financially and putting your all, your emotions, etc into your marriage, relationship and believe in your husband. That's understandable to do for someone you love and believe to be spending the rest of your life with but I need to ask you question....did your husband feel the same way. I don't mean to upset you asking that. It's just that from the way your question is phrased it seems that your hubby had problems with his business/work long before you married and he maybe thought that by getting married and you releasing the equity in your home would overcome all his problems. Alas that doesn't seem to have been the case.

You've given him your support, your home, your money, your encouragement and your physical hard labour....I ask you what more can you do to show him your love? If he doesn't have any kind words to give you after you've done and sacrificed all that for him, then I hate to say this and don't mean to upset you, but the shoes on the other foot, and this is a case of a man being a gold digger.

I know you've just got married or so your post says and I do hope it improves for you both.

Maybe he used you and maybe he did not. It sounds like he is very depressed with his business and finances. He may actually love you very much but his self esteem is low because he had to get help from you and it hurts him. Yes, I know that you are his wife and are supposed to help him but our society still puts the financial responsibility on the man. Avoid talking about what everyone else is buying or trips they are taking. Try to be there for him when he wants to talk. Try to understand what is going on in his head. No marriage is ever going to be just roses and romance. Marriages are hard work. I know, I have been married 23 years. We have had our problems and had good times. Maybe he is a con artist but only you will know. I wish you the best of luck.

guys dont want to talk about feelings for one so just drop it, show him in your actions when he comes home dont over whelm him just greet him "Hi honey (whatever you call him) So how was your day? let him speak and just listen dont judge if was a bad day just say sorry you had a bad day dont go into details and let it be, let him wind down and dont bother him unless he wants to talk do your normal things making dinner whatever dont follow him around, maybe make his plate for dinner bring his drink (be thoughtful) the more things you can do that show you are considerate of his feelings is great this will take a little bit but it will start to rub off on him and he will start thinking of you the same way so kinda think of him as one of the kids and do stuff for him also and try your best not to be grouchy and if your depressed maybe you should seek some help because if you are you will not be able to be cheerful (the atmosphere you create is the way the whole family will react and if your happy usually everyone else will follow ) Good luck this is not easy but if you put the time in it works

I know how you feel. It is hard to be a Godly wife, to submit, to love unconditionally, to have faith and trust a man that pushes you away because of something that has nothing to do with you in the first place.

It seems that the two of you started out sharing something very special, from many of the answers you've given....I have read. Isn't your MIL living with you now? Could the pressure of her living with you and your husband, be part of the problem for your husband? Not only does he feel badly about his inablility to provide for you.....but also his mother???? I feel badly for you and I really do not know what to say, except....only you can decide NOT to be a martyr. Live your life for you and make choices that will benefit your life so that your husband's bad decisions won't affect you as badly. Yes, be there for him......as a wife, not as a doormat for him to wipe his boots on.

God bless you and I hope it works out for you

Does your husband suffer from depression or bi-polar disease? Is he on any medication that could be causing depression? Is he drinking or abusing drugs?

Personality shifts of this magnitude like this one usually do not occur outside of mental illness or severe depression. Its not a pity party you're having. You're genuinely concerned.

More to the point, its touching that you love and care so deeply for him and he's doing this to himself, not you. You just happen to be convenient at the moment. Its incredible the amount of sacrifice you've made for him.

Its impossible to say why he's acting this way. You say you're the best of friends, how long have you known him? How long have you lived with him? Did the marriage change the two of you that much?

As far as him seeing you as a negative, I think if he genuinely loves you, he's seeing himself as a negative and projecting all of his insecurities onto you. Like I said, you're convenient.

The best thing to do is start talking to him and asking him if he feels depressed or if he needs help with these mood problems. It just seems whenever I encounter people with labile personalities like this, or mood disorders like this, it sounds an awful lot like he needs some professional help.

Try taking him to a neuropsychiatrist or someone who specializes in stabilizing mood disorders like depression. Its just too familiar a scenario to think otherwise.

The darker alternative of course is that he's a psychopath in which case it may be impossible to address his issues in your marriage. I certainly hope for your sake that your sacrifices were not made in vain.

But you should explore this with a professional right away. If he's really depressed I'd worry about him committing suicide or getting violent with you. Neither of those prospects seem appealing so he needs help now.

marriage feel lost husband hard financial problems

It sounds like my parents. They're getting divorced soon, but i believe in true love, and i say don't let go of something that was once such a wonderful thing. It sounds like he has some issues that he cant share with you, perhaps he's ashamed of something he has done, and maybe he doesn't want to appear bad in your eyes. If its the same situation as my parents, i would have suggested my mother being more independent earlier on. Don't try and say the perfect thing to fit someone else. You should do what whatever you like, and if that person doesn't like it, then they aren't the one. Either its time to count your losses, or take a gamble and try and find the man you fell in love with.

Hi Mom......I know that you did not intend me to see this post, but here I am.

Mom....I am here for you, you do not have to go through this alone. I really like your husband and I know that he truly loves you. I agree with the person who said that he is probably feeling inadequate and possibly ashamed that he has nothing to offer you, as his wife. I have seen all that you have done for him. And I think he knows what a precious and loving wife you are to him.....and that makes him feel all the more guilty. Do NOT give up on him......and if I know you.....you are crying your eyes out, taking all of this on as your own....alone.

The people here on Y/A have been, so far, honest and given good advice about understanding him.

Mom.....you have spent your whole life helping others......You are a gifted Nurse, and an awesome grandmother to 10 grandkids.....that all love you. To me....you give too much of yourself to please others and than you are left with nothing. You are God's gift to most people you meet and you always leave a sad person with a smile. You are my angel, Mom......and I know that you are also your husband's angel. He loves you.......just love him. Reassure him that you will stand by him.....He will remember the love that you share. Trust me. You KNOW my husband and what we have been through.....it WILL work out. I love you MOM.......Call me if you need.

He has messed up his business big time, and is afraid to tell you the truth.

You are his wife, you deserved to know the entire situation. Insist that he come completely clean with you about his finances: ask to see the books. Schedule an appointment with his accountant or bookkeeper and make sure that you get the whole picture.

Once you know what is going on, then you will have to make some decisions, based on your new information. Good luck.