My friend is going through a tough time, but I can't deal with it anymore!?

All that you can do is remain neutral about this situation and listen for short periods of time. Let her know when she calls that you only have a small window of time. Also, let her know that you will be her friend regardless of her decision. I wouldn't tell her you just can't listen to it anymore. Just become more unavailable for this discussion.

There was a great episode of "Frasier" I'll never forget.

Frasier was going through a similar problem as your friend, not knowing if he should leave his current love for another woman. For weeks he agonized over it. Finally, sensible and level-headed Niles (his brother) decides to cut through all of Frasier's egocentric psycho-babble.

He tells Frasier he must trust him absolutely, and abide by his decision, no matter what. Frasier is so distraught he agrees.

To Frasier's horror, Niles takes out a quarter and flips it, telling Frasier that if its heads, he'll stay with his current girlfriend, and if it's tails he'll leave her. Frasier is frantic and can't believe Niles seems to be taking such a cavalier approach to a seemingly difficult problem.

When the coin lands Frasier is practically spastic, begging Niles to tell him which side of the coin came up. Niles just looks at him and says, "Which side did you want it to be?"

(in his heart, Frasier knew all along what he wanted; he just couldn't face the decision)

Maybe you should try this with your friend.

Your friend is going through a turmoil in her head and her heart as to what she feels and what she should do. She wants her closest friends and family to understand that, that is why she is ringing everyone everyday 'cos she has questions in her own head that she wants answering. Thing is, and I know cos I've been in your friends position, no-one other than her can answer them. She doesn't know this yet, but in time she will and the phone calls to you will filter out and come to an end.

It doesn't matter what you say to her or how long you're on the phone for. She will still have questions because she's in a dilemma as to what to do regarding her life and her husband. For her it's a big thing, understandably....it's her future. Bear with her, as a friend, and she will eventually come to her own conclusion as to what to to.

All your friend is looking for is someone at the other end of the line to listen.....not necessarily to do anything about her predicament or to make the decision for her....but just to listen whilst she sounds off whilst SHE makes the decision she thinks is right for her.

As for you, you need to tell her that you're her friend and you care deeply for her. But, this is the big but .... she's hurting you.

That's all. Just tell her that right now, you're so overwhelmed by her family drama that its actually making you physically ill thinking about all of this. Then, well drink some very salty water and induce vomiting for her so she gets the point. Well you don't actually have to vomit, if she's on the phone just fake it. Sometimes a fib brings the point home.

Now as for your friend, she needs to go to counseling for HER and HER ALONE. You are not a counselor, and it seems like she is still living in her own fantasy world. Yes, you heard me.

Her husband did something that hurt her. Maybe he didn't want to hurt her, but he did it anyway. And now he's back from outer space. And she needs to find a way to reconcile all of her emotions, his emotions, their acts and deeds together; and find harmony in her marriage. But alas! You can't help her.

That's the problem. And that's why she takes whatever you say to her and turn it into whatever she wants to hear. Because, she's in her own world trying to reconcile all the conflicting feelings inside of her right now.

I feel terrible for her because she's hurting and I don't even know her. Worse yet, I know you're never going to believe me when I say this, but her husband came back to her because he's hurting too.

They both need to work on this without dragging friends and family into it. And they can get help in couples counseling, or find a way to divorce amicably or find a way to resolve this so they can have a happy marriage again if its possible.

But you, YOU can't help her. Its as simple as that. So just be nice to her and tell her you just don't know what to tell her anymore.

Sooner or later she will understand that you can't really do anything. That's all.

And most of all, be nice to her and I know its stretching that infinite patience, but she really is leaning on her friends. She's scared, tired, maybe lonely, hurt and feels like she's been left to do this on her own. Its not true but she feels that right now.

You have to tell her the truth.

"Listen, *Sally*, everytime you call all we do is talk about your husband. You have asked my advise, I gave it. Let's talk about something else. Anything else. If you keep bringing up the same conversation over and over again, I am afraid it is going to effect our friendship, and I don't want that to happen."

Then, from that point on, everytime she mentions the same topic, make a loud buzzing sound in the phone.

Go out with her for a girls night out and lay it all out in the open. Tell her you love and support her in whatever decision she makes, but that you can't give her anymore advice on the matter.

this is a hard one as you have obviously been there for her all he way you have given her your opinion and he is still disregardig your advice, after 2 months its time to call it a day tell her you have hit a brick wall and have no further advise to give,you will always be there for her and to ring you when she has made a decision on what she wants to do

The same thing happened to me. My friend's husband cheated, I told her to divorce him and then she called me crying every night what he did. Tell her what I did:

"I don't want to hear anything more about him. You made the choice to stay. If you start talking about him I will hang up." Then do it.

I had this exact situation with a family member...here's what finally worked...I told her it was a healthy thing to talk about various issues...and I promised I'd be there for her...BUT we needed to put a time limit on it...so she could rant and rave as much as she wanted....but only for 10 minutes out of our conversation...and in turn...I could not complain about one given thing for longer either...it worked!!! Good Luck!!

I honestly know what you are going through, but the best thing you can do for her is to just be there for her. The second you let her know that you don't want to talk about this every day, she may take it as a hint that you don't want to be her friend anymore which can drive her into a maniac frenzy or worse suicide. The feeling that you don't have anyone to talk to is the worst feeling yet. Just be there for her as much as possible but if you are busy just let her know you are busy and let her know another time you can call HER back.