Why does my husband do this to me?

Question

He occasionally gets defensive towards me saying that what he is doing (work wise ) is enough for me . I tell him that we have what we need and the kids are happy . But he just gets mad when i say this to him. He always wants more . I just want him happy and i want him to be happy that he has a job since they are hard to find nowadays.  But why does he get mad at me when i say things are ok and i do not expect anything more? I need to know why if anyone can explain this to me. We are able to pay our bills and go to a wonderful place for vacation now. We livein a nice house in a good neighborhood. We have a good car to drive. We have food money. Our needs are met. I am a happy wife so why can't he be a happy husband? He always says he guesses that he still wants to be twenty and cant do the things he used to do. Is this depression or mid age crisis or what?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Sounds like a mid life crises.  It may be that at this point in his life (age) he is not where he thought he would be or wanted to be and is trying to cope with that.  If this is the case then he views your saying things are "o.k." to mean that you are settling and that he needs to accept and be happy with what he has (e.g. he should "settle" and accept his lot in life).  I understand this is not at all what you are saying to him, but, in a midlife crises this is what he hears and more importantly feels.  Not to be cliche, but it's a "guy thing." At this stage it's not the things per se that matter as much as what they symbolize to him.  e.g. a lexus drives the same roads as a Taurus car and the same speed limit.  But, to some guys it symbolizes "he made it."  Really, this is whats going on.  You are right in what you say, and your intentions are 100% loving and reassuring.  But, he needs to reconcile his internal fantasy or goals (we all have one) of what we really want at a certain age or ages (milestones) with the life he has and find internal contentment and fulfillment with what is (because the external will never work to fulfill).  Right now hearing that life is "o.k." and "everything is o.k." is like nails down a chalkboard.  Not your fault in any way shape or form.  But this is whats happening.

Anonymous · Answer

It could be that he thinks you're putting him down (even though you're clearly not) by saying that you're happy with being content.  Men oftentimes will identify themselves based on how much they can provide for their family.  If you're saying that things are fine the way they are, he might feel like you're complaining that you're not living in the lap of luxury.  Again, I know you're not saying that, but he might be taking it that way.

? · Answer

Your husband wants more sex and/or understanding about how, when, and why sex happens between the two of you.  Because it remains a mystery and in short supply, he is guessing that he could change that and ramp it up with more moeny, status, vacations, etc.  When you tell him that you are happy as-is, he gets confused because of all the following reasons:
1.  if you're so happy, why aren't you giving more sex?
2.  if you're so happy, then he can't control things by doing more or giving more
3.  he can't believe you're so happy... he thinks you're making that up to control the situation

Try acting horny every day for a month and see if he talks about his job or giving you more stuff.

Anonymous · Answer

He doesn't appreciate what he has :((

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Why does my husband do this to me?

4 Answers