i'm desperate for help...please what do i need to do first.?

Sweetheart, I can feel the pain you are going through and right now it would seem that is all there is for you in this world with no end in sight.....just more of the same.

There is always another way you can move forward and other ways you can start to make changes to how your life has been heading. It doesn't matter how many years this has been going on for..........you need to pull yourself out of this mess and get away from all the negative events and people that have been in your life for so long.

There is no-one other than yourself that you have to consider here. No-one elses feelings need to come into play. It is time you done some things just for you and make changes in your life today.

Stop allowing people to hurt you. Only you can do that. This man that has used you and been abusive toward you has no right to be in your life and make your life any harder than it already is. You don't need him. He has nothing to offer you and hasn't offered you anything but pain. Yes........from what you say here he has done nothing more than use you and hurt you in every way you can hurt a human-being.

You see, there are many many people in the world just like this man that married you for his own advantage. People like him sniff out people like you ............people that can be walked over, used and then tossed out like yesterday's garbage. These people have no conscious, they have no trouble using and abusing others.

Put a stop to this once and for all please, please, please...........you don't have to live your life like this. I KNOW. I HAVE BEEN WHERE YOU ARE AT. I KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE ALL ALONE.........EVEN MORE ALONE THAN YOU..........MY PARENTS ARE DEAD.

I HAVE BEEN USED AS WELL. I HAVE BEEN ABUSED AS WELL. I HAVE HAD NO-ONE I COULD TURN TO..........BUT...............I PICKED UP THE PEICES AND DECIDED IF OTHERS COULD FIND A REASON TO SMILE, A REASON TO BE HAPPY...........I COULD TOO.

I found a way through the pain and the hurt, the unhappiness that dogged my life. I got rid of all the negativity in my life, all the negative people...........how did I do this I hear you ask....................I made up my mind. I looked at where I was heading and that was completley down as far as you could get with no way out and decided that there were far worse things in life than what I was experiencing..........I am but one tiny part of this world but I have love to offer, I have smiles to offer, I have kindness to offer another human-being, I have reasons to smile..............those reasons to smile were really simple and remain very very simple. I HAVE MY HEALTH, I WOKE UP THIS MORNING, I COULD HEAR THE EVERYDAY SOUNDS THAT I TAKE FOR GRANTED AND SOMEONE WHO IS DEAF CANNOT HEAR, SOMEONE WHO CANNOT SEE THE SUN RISE OR THE COLOUR OF THE GRASS OR SKY, SOMEONE WHO CANNOT TAKE SIMPLE PLEASURE IN A WALK OUTSIDE....I CAN DO ALL THESE THINGS AND THEY MADE ME SMILE, THEY MADE BE GREATFUL TO BE ALIVE.

I decided that the only person who is responsible for my happiness and for me being glad that every day is a gift............that person was me. I decided to rely on myself, my strength and love each day as it came, good or bad.

You need to do these things for yourself. You need to decide to live your life and be happy.

This man you are married to deserves NOTHING from you. NOTHING at all. GET RID OF HIM. HE IS A NEGATIVE ABUSIVE INFLUENCE.........YOU DON"T NEED WHAT HE HAS TO OFFER.

Please, please, please, smile. If you smile the world will smile with you.

Go and form new friendships with kind and caring people......and I can hear you asking where are these people..........I have known only pain in my life and people who want to hurt me................a local support group for abused women, a local church group (no I am not religious)..........a local sporting group (something you are interested in).............what I am saying to you is simple. Widen and change your areas of interest, change the relationship types you have been forming, the friends you may have made in the past. Your family you can't choose but you can choose to have nothing to do with them and live your life happy and fufilled.

You don't need others to hang onto to make you happy. Only you can make yourself happy. You need to change all the negatives, including the negative thoughts and relationships you have been involved in.

Please go and talk to the your local church member or pastor. Please go and find some support. You are greiving for all that you have lost and all the mistakes you have made. It is time you stopped making the same mistakes again and again and again. You and only you can make these changes. You and only you can change what your life is today into life that is worth living for simple pleasures. You and only you can bring a smile to someone elses face who is less fortunate than you are. Be thankful you are drawing breath.......some people won't have that option for much longer as they

LOL. Heres an insight into the life of a blonde: January - Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight. February - Couldn't work in a pharmacy because the bottles wouldn't fit into the typewriter. March - Got excited when she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months because the box said "2-4 years." April - Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out. May - Couldn't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets. June - Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope. July - After losing in a breast stroke swimming competition, complained to the judges that the other swimmers were using their arms. August - Told her blonde friend to hurry when trying to get into their locked car using a coat hanger because it was starting to rain and the top was down. September - When asked what the capital of California was: answered "C." October - Hates M &M's because they are so hard to peel. November - Baked a turkey for 4 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 120. December - Couldn't call 911 because there was no "11" on any of the phone buttons.

You have received good advice so far. Here is some simple stuff to think about: you have to be a friend to have a friend. Why don't you start by loving and respecting yourself enough to know that you deserve to be treated better than this and WALK AWAY. Then treat other people the way you would like to be treated. Smile when you feel like crying. Good luck and many blessings and I will pray for you. PS you are never alone in this world, look at all the people who are listening now....If you believe in g~d, g~d is listening too. Join your local church or synagogue. You will find lots of love and support there.

first of all you have an issue within yourself which is a low self esteem and you dont need anyone to validate who you are. I am sure that as a person you are a great, strong individual and I am sure that you can do all things by yourself. You need to learn on how to accept who you are without anyones approval. Your so called husband, you need to just accept the reality of the situation for what it is and dump his ***, do not help him with no legal papers to make him legal (citizen) it is clearly that he had a plan and you got suckered and fell in his trap. Close all of the horrible chapters in your life and start a new life. there is always a beginning to every end. I know that is sounds easy and hard to do, but what does not kill you will only make you stronger and wiser for the next battle. It is not worthy in trying to be discouraged and depressed in which will make your mind think negative thoughts. This man is only playing games with you when he see's that you are vulnarable and he already knows your weakness. As for him hitting you, you should of reported him and had his *** arrested I guaranteed that will **** up his chances in becoming a citizen. Or I would of kicked his *** and he would of been licking the **** off my boot heel. So now you get your *** up kick his *** to the curb, motivate yourself and change your life around it is your choice, no one can do it for you. You need to find within yourself the courage to change your life around for the better. Well good luck and I hope everything works out for you.

So, is he your "husband", or not? I hate to say this, but you brought it on yourself. If he is NOT your husband, then let him go and start rebuilding a life for yourself. If you are married to him, get a lawyer and get rid of him. Living in an abusive relationship is never going to make you happy.

You have to learn to take some responsibility for your life and your happiness. You will not find happiness until you learn to make good decisions that are in your best interest. If you need help to do this, then by all means do so.

Get some counseling, pronto. There are medications that can help you get through this, but you also need some therapy. The sooner the better. Good luck.

He only married you because he felt you were desperate and would marry him for a sham marriage so he could be legal. Honey, you are being totally used. He does not love you at all. He never did. Your case is sadly very common.

Don't cry. Be ANGRY! Turn the guy into the INS - and inform them from the get-go that this was never a real marriage to begin with.

And then PLEASE get some counseling and develop some self-esteem. You will continue to attract more abusive losers with the whiff of desperation that you are giving off. I don't mean to be cruel, but you need honesty. It is sad that your family is dysfunctional, but you can learn to heal yourself with help, and find real friends and not abusers.

WOW!! You remind me of me a few years back.

Family all left me to raw, friends were ran off, men were compelet ding dongs!

You live one life honey... stop and think... What is it you really want in life??

Don't make yourself depend on a man right now, specailly the one your married too.

Let him go!! You don't desreve to be abused in anyway!!

My last relationship he abused me emtionly, physically and verbally.

I was doing just what you were doing. Crying and begging people on Yahoo Answers just what to do.

There advice was to leave him and that's just what I did and now I am glad I did.

It may have taken me awhile but I am happy.. I met new friends... Taking care of my 2 children.

Instead of crying every night because I was hurting, I smile every night now because I am not hurting.

I am doing the things I wanted to do with my life. I made a check list of goals. And I am doing them.

There is help out there, just google it, look for it.. find it.. take avantage of it.

Because I left him and doing this - it made me a stronger woman in and out!

Being alone sucks but when I think about my life and my goals - I'd rather acheive them and be happy, then be with someone who hurts me in any way he could.

Be what you want, do what you want - dont depend on a man to give it to you, specially the one your married too. Get out of there and do these things on your own, you'll see in 2 months after doing things for yourself, you won't even feel the lonesome.

There are better men out there who are waiting for the right girls.. You just take care of you and once you do the more you'll stand out in the crowd of them!!

Wipe those tears away and start googling for a better life!!! And keep that head held up until you find what your looking for!!!

Email me anytime if you need any help!! Good Luck

If you truly have no where to go then by all means go to a shelter for woman. They should help you find a job if you don't already have one, and provide you with a place to stay until you can get on your own. I wasted 15 years of my life on a man just like that. In fact your story sounds much like mine minus the beatings. He is not worth wasting anymore of your life on. Knowing what I know now I would live in my car if I had to. Lucky I had my own home.

First thing to do is to file for divorce. If this man touches you again get a restraining order.As scary as it is to be alone it is worse to be abused. If it is in your belief system join a church. There will be a support system for you and a community that cares. If church is not for you, look for a woman's group or organization to join. If things are really, really bad seek counseling. A therapist will not only listen to you but can link you up with support groups. Please don't allow this toxic man in your life any longer. You deserve better and once you can love yourself you will feel better and freer.

You have shown quite a bit of information here telling much about you and this relationship. What you have omitted is the reason why you married this man in the first place. A black eye for Christmas is the kind of gift that keeps on giving.

If you want to take control of the situation, you must accept responsibility. You allowed yourself to be chit on and abused. Now you can make a change. Love is never about pain and suffering. This guy was the wrong choice, that's okay. Now you have to make the right choice for you and what's best.