SAHM, desperately needs help with my 3 year old boy!?

Oh, I wish I had all the answers to make this better for you! Every parent goes through it with every child they raise.

What has worked well for me with my 2 boys (ages 3 & 4), is to cover the rules and expectations right up front. Before we get out of the car I say "we're gonna hold hands in the parking lot, when we get in the store you both need to hold onto the cart and walk quietly". It usually works pretty well and they both know the consequences if they let go of the cart is that they have to get in the cart. Both would rather walk than ride, so they behave fairly well.

If one of my boys is playing with a toy and the other takes it away or they fight over it, it becomes my toy for a while, then gets returned to the child that had it first. They don't like losing their toys for any period of time. If I have to take it away twice, it's mine for the rest of the day.

When one of my kids hurts the other, it's straight to the time out rug with no argument and I set the timer. If they scream or act out in time out, I reset the timer. Afterwards I have a little talk with him and he has to apologize to his brother. It's not perfect and doesn't work every time, but it has helped reduce the out bursts between the boys and the ones in time-out.

It sounds like your son is testing his boundaries to see what you'll let him get away with. You need to make your boundaries and expectations clear from the start and enforce them. He can still play, explore, learn and have fun, but he'll learn to do it within the boundaries.

You'll figure out what works best for your family, whatever it is, be consistant.

The "Raising an Amazing Child the Montessori Way" is a good book. I think it sounds like a Montessori outlook would be something you would really feel OK with.

I would also recommend the following books:

http://astore.amazon.com/monteblog-20/detail/03808... (How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk)

I have also heard good things about this book, but am not familiar with it first hand:

http://astore.amazon.com/monteblog-20/detail/05530...

You'll be able to eventually get rid of the time outs, arguing, and power struggles. At least...until they are teenagers. Then that's a different set of books. :)

My daughter just started going through this and like you we don't set many boundaries with her (as of yet). I've been in the process of trying things and out of the blue I just started asking her to do things rather than telling her. Will you put on your clothes please. Will you help me pick up your toys please. She will say "Yes I may!" For some reason that has worked with her and I think its because she has a little more independence in answering. I know this is a simple suggestion for a complex question but it may work for you too if you haven't tried it already.

Watch Supper Nanny and see how to properly give time outs! She also has a book. Yes, it's normal, but you have to teach him that he HAS to listen to you and mind! Her techniques work without spanking or YELLING! YOU are in charge, not your Son, you put him to bed and you make him stay there, he doesn't have to go to sleep, but he does have to say laying down durning nap time! You don't just let him have his way! You go back over to him and make him give the toy back to his brother, say he's sorry and tell him not to do it again! IF he does, he gets a time out. If you're teaching him proprly he will spend lots of time in time out for awhile!!! Um, if he's making a mess with fingerpaints or playing in the sink, then HE needs to be taught to clean up the messes, not you, you're teaching him you're his maid and you are not! You just need to watch Supper Nanny, she'll give you the exact help you need!

Sounds like he needs an old-fashined butt whoopin (if he was my child).... If not, just keep doing what your doing and see how he turns out....

Why are parents so afraid to use real discipline? That's why their kids are bad as hell....