What can I do or say to help them get more comfortable with the idea of me marring him?

You can't please everyone, at least, not all at once, instantly.

I'm not gonna give you a sob story about what happened to me but I will ask you to really consider what your parents are saying. Surely you know that they want the best for you, and they value you so much that they want to be certain that you will be happy and more importantly, REMAIN happy.

My parents tried to tell me things about the person I was with and I brushed it off as "oh they're just being parents". I wish I would have trusted their judgement, or at least, paid closer attention.

In the end, surely this guy makes you happy right? You are a grown woman, and there is no way you'd pick someone who wasn't good for you, so they have to trust you.

Having said that, You have to reassure your parents of your feelings, your logic, and your confidence in you decision. Just state your case, and thats it. Don't keep drilling it into them cuz then it will sound like you are trying to convince yourself. Address all their concerns but reassure them that YOU think that way, that YOU feel that way & why, and that you are a separate independent person from said fiance. At best they will respect you.

They don't have to like him, but they do have to respect you. And as long as future hubby treats you, amazingly, they will, in time, see that you were right in your decision. Actions speak louder than words. So you words right now might not get through to them. Just ask them to wait and watch, with an open mind and heart.

Hubby's role in this is to keep being himself, keep having patience and respect for your parents, and keep making you happy.

If the church thing is an issue, just reassure them many good hearted people don't go to church. Doesn't mean they are bad people. Plus, a lot of people rather have a one on one, personal relationship with God, rather than organized religion and they prefer to keep their spirituality discreet. "To each his own".

Best of luck

There is nothing you can do or say that is going to get them more comfortable. Obviously he comes across as not having the same values that they have, (no church thing), and they obviously feel that you have changed, (brainwashed), and are possibly rejecting their values as well.

Perhaps you have changed and are choosing to tweak your value system to that which works best for you. Perhaps they are closed to the idea of accepting that others have different values and that it doesn't mean that they are bad people, just different. Or perhaps they have legitimate concerns.

Is it that you are so in love that you aren't listening to what others are saying? I remember when everyone was expressing doubts over the generosity of the fiance of a friend. That friend deflected, excused, and rolled her eyes when someone would bring it up. Fifteen years later that friend found Mr. Wonderful had been hiding money, and cut off his own child's riding lessons so that he could "surprise" the family with his brand new car, (not that he needed one).

I'm not saying he's a bad guy or that you have blinders on, but don't you think you should take a bit of time to consider what your family is saying? If you do that earnestly and honestly, (you don't have to tell your family you are doing this as a matter of fact I wouldn't), then you would be better equipped to handle their doubts. If you are sincerely honest with your self and you are happy with what you find, then that attitude will get you through this rough patch and eventually everything will smooth over.

If you end up having concerns it doesn't mean that it is over, it means that you are mature enough to admit to yourself that you have a problem with something and that you will do the mature thing and seek some premarital counseling so that you have a healthy and lasting relationship with your partner.

Hello...I've always believed that if you have a pretty good relationship with your parents, they'll most likely help you make the best decisions of life. Unfortunately, the heart can't be shaped and guided. I believe you really love this man and hopefully, he loves you the same. But have you really thought through the reasons your parents don't like him? Has your boyfriend been disrespectful to them in any way? Does he get along with all your closed ones except your parents, or does he have issues with most of your friends and family as well?

Getting to the bottom of all this can help you and give you a clear idea of the reasons your parents dislike him, and if they have some right to feel that way towards him.

I know of couples who've gotten married despite what their parents thought, and some parents are tough and hard to handle. But when you go against your parents, although your spouse becomes the most important person in your life and as children come, your parents become seconds, tough times are ahead of you with that.

And very importantly, what is your boyfriend doing to keep his relationship with your parents a civil one? Is he doing anything at all?

Check out my site. I’ve got a very interesting questionnaire for couples who are planning on getting married or living together. What you should know about each other before making such important commitments. It’s all free.

I would sit them down and talk to them, show them you're still their little girl and he didn't force you to change, if you've changed it was for the better for you and just being who you are. Then I would set up some type of day activity, bowling or something, and have your parents and you're fiance all have a nice day together and maybe they'll see that he's not that bad or just see how happy you are.

I am in the same position. We have been together for over 4 yrs and recently engaged. My dad and step mom for lack of a better word hate him and constantly tell people how disappointed they are in me and how I am screwing up my life. Which makes no sense because in our early twenties we already better off than them and they are almost 40. Just keep reassuring them how well he takes care of you and how good your life is with him. They will have to figure it out on their own you cannot make them see it and if you do figure out how please pass on the secret. lol.

It seems that they have made up their mind already not to like this man. It's really not their business that he doesn't go to church, so long as he doesn't interfere with your religious practices. You mother's threat to wear black to the wedding ceremony is pretty childish.

im getting married in sept. of this year. and my whole family is like this also. Some of them isn't even coming bc they don't want to watch me make a mistake. so i know how you are feeling. Just talk to them. and let them know that you are in love with im, and he is the guy. sooner or later they will come around. some of mine are. i talk about the wedding with them all time. and let them know that he isn't going any where. so they have to get over it. after all, its you and him to the end.

Do something to make them see the good sides of your fiance. A family event or something.

they'll eventually accept him cuz he's now part of ur life so they have to get to use to it. Just hang in there thing will get better.

I do not know what "marring" is, but it sounds a lot like "mauling", so I don't think "they" would be comfortable with you mauling someone. Unless you meant "malling", as in taking to the mall, in which case, I don't think they will care.