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Please critique my poem?
THE FLY IN THE WARDROBE
Travelled to London in some foul smelling hay,
It was an adventure that bright sunny day
Put on the roses with horse manure compost.
At Buckingham palace it was a real impost.
The sun pored down and I needed a drink,
So I went through a window to the kitchen sink.
I found on a plate a nice tasting bun,
And hid underneath thinking it might be fun.
It travelled upstairs next to some tea,
A trip to Her Majesty and all of it free.
Now this is so comfy and this bun is sweet,
I was not expecting a walk on this beat.
The door of her wardrobe was open a bit,
So guess where a fly like me found to sit?
Now I am here, I don’t know what to do,
I’ve eaten so much and now I must shoo.
Now don’t be mistaken and don’t be misled,
It’s the bloomin fly spray that’s gone to my head.
9 Answers
- Anonymous4 years ago
i do no longer worry approximately harsh critique. i've got had a lot of that in the time of my time. You go forward in case you think of i've got written rubbish. via the way, spelling blunders on your first line HH. would desire to be pal upload: till you have have been given a distinctive way of spelling it everywhere you come back from.(smiles)
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Very good Kate full of humour and it is light, imaginative, a little bit short on knowledge of UK royalty though . Keep at it with some more.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Cute story Miss Bayleaf, but you gotta even up those lines so the dang thing beats like a drum... got it?
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- Anonymous1 decade ago
Keep taking the tablets.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Love it! Light and cute! I'm starring!
- Anonymous1 decade ago
I love it. Hilarious and crazy, and well written too.
- MortalGuardianLv 51 decade ago
It is cute and lighthearted. It reminds me of Alice in Wonderland.
Please see my poem and comment:
