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Question

its depressing to see superficial people, here, there, all around us,

disregarding others, doing nothing, wasting away, stirring meaningless fuss:

~but it’s not their fault.

we all fight our own battles, everyday; whether arduous or child's play;

clearly showing that jeering at their “identity” just isn’t the way.

not all our days are full of sunshine and smiles aglow,

in which we each have had our ample share of woe.

but what caused us to not give up, comply with our thoughts of ending the relentless affliction?

the positives! like hope, family, and friends, entices the grin.

maybe someday, soon hopefully, through the small acts of kindness and compassion,

may they come to realize, the importance of true friendship, over ephemeral things, like the “current” fashion.


i hope you liked it. :)
critique por favorr, and any advice would be nice!

Samantha · Accepted Answer

Great poem!  My only critique is that to make it sound more, what's the word, serious, you could get rid of the redundant words. For example, I think you should take "like" out of it (the one that comes after "the positives!"  So you could say, "The positives: hope, family, and friends..."  Also the last part of the first line I might tweak a bit...maybe you could say something like how superficial people surround you, how their numbers grow like a new trend that they have to have.  Overall REALLY great though!!!  Keep it up!

kuykendall · Answer

possibly a greater % human beings bypass by using the tribulations of of skill-struck parentos than the less left-of-centres, O Cheese of flavoursome poetix. This jogs my memory of the early night I`d in simple terms jacked in my place of work interest..`given them word` and finally suggested i replaced into going to be a author or a therapist. The teapot flew off the table (boiling warm tea, you`comprehend), I sidestepped and it hurtled `SmASSSSH!` in the process the hot-framed window my Dad had spent days installation. "Why did you progression?"..he asked, aghast. So I`m sittin` with my cawffee now, having in simple terms despatcherd the very-deaded tiny rodent bodies from the traps (TY for the perfect encouragement?) yet no longer able by some skill to stand a peanut-butter sandwich snack. howdy kindred spirit :)

R · Answer

Thats was great  :)

Especially loved the flow of the ending words. Great vocabulary, overall interested me.  

Maybe add onomatopoeia  (sound words like BOOM) in the future?  Or maybe add some vivid words describing something specific. Those are the only suggestions I can think of giving you   :)

Good job, keep it up!

? · Answer

Nice one!

Anonymous · Answer

You already posted this Lol
Like I said I like it :D!

Anonymous · Answer

i liked it =)

Anonymous · Answer

I LOVE IT!!!

Anonymous · Answer

ummmm who are you?
no i mean SPIRITUALLY?

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Did you enjoy reading this poem?

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